Can someone tell me the emotional differences in adopting an infant or adopting a toddler about 2 years old.?

Question

Can someone tell me the emotional differences in adopting an infant or adopting a toddler about 2 years old.?

Answer 1

Hmmm. The emotional differences... It has been proven that a child needs to have continuity of care in the 1st 2 years to learn how to trust & love, build attatchment and to develope coping skills. If you are a good provider and are able to give a newborn the love attention and care to show them you're their for them and that they can count on you, then you're setting the framework for who they will be.  Unfortunately, a child that is not given that either due to bad birth parents, orphanage, even bad foster parenting, is also teaching the the babies alot. The longer they are not given or shown love, affection, given security, the worse off the kids are and the harder it is to get them to ever trust, love & feel secure. So in alot of ways I think getting an infant is the best ways to go. ( But I don't mind getting up at 2am,changing diapers etc) The lack of bonds and attachment at infancy have been proven to be detrimental in a child as an older child and even adult.

A problem of getting an infant is their is alot in the genes, I think we will never understand, include predispositions, & attitudes & behavior. You may not really know what you're getting yourself into. Most learning/developmental, mental & behavioral disabbilities, are not seen or Diagnosed  until a child is at least 2- 2.5 or older, and that can be very frustrating.

But if you get an older child you kinda know if they are coming with any problems and what the severity of them are. But you may have an issue with bonding & attachment, with can sometimes not be overcome. It is a hard choice to make to adopt. But it can be very rewarding, and ALL children deserve a chance at a happily ever after! They all deserve a chance at being loved & wanted. They are OUR future! Hope that helps! Good Luck!

Answer 2

There are many different things to consider and lots of ways to look at them. I think, from the child's perspective, there is no question that the child is better off being adopted as an infant -- the younger the better. That might sound obvious -- or maybe not -- but, I'm not sure either if that's what your question is about. However, for me, that was actually an important thing to consider. As an adoption advocate, I absolutely want to emphasize how every child needs and deserves a home and if you are considering adopting a child who is not an infant -- I think there is no question that the older child needs you more. To put it bluntly -- the older the child, the less adoptable the child -- and therefore, that older child needs you more. If you can do what it takes to bond and create a family with an older child -- there is no question that that child will reap the benefits more.

That said, I really wanted to adopt a newborn -- for my own selfish reasons. And even though it sounds selfish, raising a child is not an altruistic thing to do and you should absolutely NOT adopt a child with the notion that you are "saving" that child. I honestly and very strongly believe that it just doesn't work that way. If you have it in your heart to love and care for a child -- go for it. For me, I know that I needed for the child to be with me from as early as possible. I explained it to my husband this way -- "Would you want to be in a coma for the first months of your baby's life, if you had a choice?" I just saw it that way -- I wanted to be with MY baby as long as I could -- I wanted to not not be there for the first part of his life.

Your bonding experience will be DIFFERENT depending on the age the child is when you adopt him or her. I knew I would bond very easily to a newborn, I had no doubt about it, and knowing that was very important for me. I know that I can easily fall in love with any newborn baby. And for me, it was important for me to be able to tell myself that before adopting a child. There is no doubt that I could also feel that way toward a toddler or older child but, I'm not nearly as sure about it.

No matter what you do, the child will end up emotionally attached to you. For me, the question was more about how emotionally attached I would be to the child -- and I just wasn't willing to take the risk in terms of myself with an older child.

Also -- there is no question that, the older the child the more likely the child is to already have developmental issues. Some of these can certainly be overcome and some may be minor but, I felt much more confident knowing that I would be the one to raise the child from the moment they were born.

I think you really need to look at yourself and your motivations for adopting and what you want (and need) to get out of the initial experience. I didn't want to miss the newborn stage -- I love newborns. And I certainly didn;t want to MISS anything in my child's life.

All that said -- if you feel strongly about being able to bond with and fall in love with and raise as your own  -- an older child, there is no question that that child needs you more. Good luck.

Answer 3

Both will suffer grief .. but its how you deal with it and help them to get through it that makes the difference.  An infant will suffer grief just as a toddler .. but in many different ways.  Also a toddler may be able to show you more things about themselves than an infant.  

Behaviors will manifest in both ... but its how they are handled by you that will matter.

Answer 4

A 2 yr old would probably be a better choice, because a 2 yr old might remember getting adopted better that an infant. Also if you adopt an Infant u will have to tell him/her that u adopted them and then they'd be all mad...etc. But if u adopt a 2-6 yr old toddler they might remember when they get to the teens and you wont have to go through all that stuff.

Answer 5

If you are considering adopting a toddler, which can be wonderful, I recommend "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best

Answer 6

Well you see honey, not only does a infant look cuter but he/she will bond quicker because he/she will think you're thier mother. However a infant is more difficult she take care of.

A toddler will take longer to bond with you because he/she will no you're not thier mother. But a toddler will be a little easier to take care of since it is older.(Unless it has a health problem or behavior problem)

Hope i gave you enough imformation

(PLEASE CHOSE ME AS BEST ANSWER PLEASE)

Answer 7

Well, my son was 7 months old when I brought him home and my cousin was 2 years old when he came home (both through international adoptions).  My cousin had many issues (for instance taking food from trash and hiding it under his bed, being afraid of baths, etc.) but he is very well adjusted now at 14.  My son at three is well adjusted, too.   It really depends on the situations.  My cousin was in a Russian orphanage, my son was cared for by foster parents in Guatemala.

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Thumbs down for telling the truth?  Get real people!

Answer 8

http://www.nancyverrier.com/prim_book.ph...

Answer 9

We've done both.  I have to say that each child is different so there is no saying that any two children will react the same way.

Our oldest was adopted into our family as an infant.  It took her a week to get used to us.  She has always needed a little more love and attention in comparison to our bio-children.  ( could be because of adoption or just different personalities, being first born, idk)

Our youngest was adopted into our family one month shy of her second birthday.  She has handled everything amazingly well.  She was only happy by sitting on my lap for the first two months.  Now i slowly have backed away from that to get some laundry and dishes done.  She is most happy just interacting with me and she needs lots of reassurance, love and support.  She is very much bonded with us.  Things are still new for her being from Africa.

  

If i had to choose i would adopt a toddler or older again.  I'm noticing a theme that maybe children who are adopted into their families might need more love, support and reassurance.  We love to give hugs, love, support and reassurance so its not a big deal to us.  It could be considered more work to other people though.  Other than that I haven't noticed any big emotional differences.  Good Luck

Answer 10

I think the biggest difference is bonding time...an infant will generally bond quickly to the adoptive parents, but a 2 year old can take time doing so.  Other problems can come up as well,  but that is the one that will happen time and time again.

Answer 11

It is said that the toddler years can be the most difficult for the child. This is mainly due to the fact that the child is aware things change but doesn't have the vocabulary to understand what is happening...

The good points are that with the right kinds of efforts the toddlers can adjust well and do well...

The book "Toddler Adoption the Weavers Craft" is a great book for information about helping a toddler adjust with an adoption placement or transition.