Can someone tell me the good part and the not so good parts of adopting at 40 yrs old?

Question

Can someone tell me the good part and the not so good parts of adopting at 40 yrs old?

Answer 1

My a-parents were both 38 when they adopted me.

Bad parts:  They were so much older than my friends parents & the generation gap was difficult at times. Perhaps if they understood the effects of adoption on a child - things may have run smoother. The info available today just wasn't around then.

Read adoptee blogs - and books like 'Primal Wound' by Nancy Verrier.

If you have not been able to have children up to now because of fertility probs - deal with that and don't expect this child to fill the spot of a bio kid. They can't - they'll be wired differently. Love them for who they are - respect where they came from - allow them contact with bio family (if no danger) - and allow the adoptee to be who they are - and be supportive of that.

Good parts:  for the adoptive parent - there is always good parts. Sadly - the losses of the bio parents and the adoptee are too often overlooked.

Answer 2

How could there be any "not so good" parts to adopting.  No matter what your age.  So many people today are just starting families at 40.  Go for it.

     Edit:  Children are an adjustment at any age.  Anyone wanting children whether biological or adoped should be prepared for a life changing adventure.  But it is an extremely rewarding one.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  Its sad that anyone would give me a thumbs down and try to discourage you from such a wonderful gift.  Not only a gift of your own but the gift you could give a familyless child.

Answer 3

My in-laws adopted their grandson at 47. They are doing just fine with him, and I really don't see any not so good parts. The only thing was getting the paperwork done, the whole process is stressful.

Answer 4

My 40th birthday was 10 days after we came home with our 5 year old daughter and her biological 1 year old brother....  

The Not Good Parts: Non stop energy requirements and not being able to do as I pleased.... getting sitters and remembering to buy apples more often, and cut them....peel them....laundry....things just change when you are a parent and while it is a joy to change there are some things we all give up.... that's more about parenting....

The GREAT Parts....after awhile you feel younger and can keep up.....You are not some young parent with no credibility dealing with doctors and schools... When they are really naughty in public people might think you are actually the grandparents and so you sluff the stares of strangers off and hope that is what they thought...

There is way more but those are some of the highlights for me personally....

Answer 5

Adoption is great at any age.  The only downside is that agencies show preference to couples under 40.  Some international adoption agencies limit adoptions for people 40 and over to older children (usually 2 years old +).

Answer 6

Well, I gave birth to 'spontaneous' twins at 40, and while I am happy they are in my life, obviously, if I could do it over again, I'd start a lot younger.

You don't realize how much you will have to give up until it's too late.  When you're 40, you are very set in your ways, and have come to enjoy your free time.  Having infants and small children is exhausting beyond belief.  You will have to put your own life on the back burner for years.

Adopted kids are also different from children that are biologically related to you.  I've seen some here call it 'parenting plus'.  Why not consider adopting an older, school aged child from foster care?

I know everyone wants infants--but the baby stage is so overrated!

Answer 7

I'm adopting at 40 ... not a baby but 2 little girls 7 & 6, I think I went with older for 2 reasons ... waiting time was shorter and the fact that I'm not sure I can handle a baby ... an older child is harder ...

The good part .. they're potty trained, not on formula and can tell me what's wrong.

The bad part .. what life has dealt them up until now.  But I hope together we can help them and give them a life they want.

Answer 8

I'm not real sure what the point of your question is. If you are a person who is now 40 yrs old and looking into adoption, then you need to be comfortable with becoming a parent at 40 yrs old. Adoption itself is irrelevant.  If you are considering waiting until you are 40 -- then I would say, adopt earlier.

I think the question is -- do you want to become a parent or not at 40 yrs old. The issues become more pronounced the longer you wait so, if you know you want to become a parent and you know that adoption is the way you are going to do it -- then start the process right now because you are only going to be getting older as time goes on. Only you can know if you want to become a parent and only you can know how you feel about doing it at the age you are now.

Once you adopt, this baby will be YOURS in every sense of the word. You need to be sure you want to become a parent and you need to be sure you want to adopt a child. If the answer to those questions is an unqualified absolute "Yes," then go for it.

That said -- I am now the legal guardian to a child who was adopted by a single mother who was 52 years old when the baby was born. She was too old to have or adopt a child and should not have. She is now too old and too ill and the child no longer has her mother.

I guess my ultimate point is that 40 is not too old to adopt a baby because it is not too old to give birth to a baby. The rest is up to you.

Answer 9

my aparents were in this age group when they adopted me. some of the downfalls were that they were much older than most of the other parents, some thought they were my grandparents.

they came from the time where they didnt talk about alot, so many of my questions were very uncomfortable for them to answer. or they just didnt answer.

they didnt 'get' a teenager at that time.

some of the perks, at least in my family, was that they were much more stable and secure than most of the other parents.

i was a spoiled brat.

it doesnt sound like much, but from being a parent now myself, that is huge. i struggle everyday to provide for my kids.

Answer 10

i don't think there are any "not so good parts" about adopting at 40 years old...what matters is the love and how well you are going to take care of that kid...there is nothing bad in adopting at any age...as long as you know what the resposabilities are everything should be good.

Answer 11

good things would be to have a  child,love it be loved,teach it to be a good human being and be a proud parent.bad things could be,less engery than someone younger,menopause,no patience.being older when the child is a teenager,good luck