Can someone tell me the motivation behind adopting from abroad?

Question

Can someone tell me the motivation behind adopting from abroad?

Answer 1

Hi Gringo,

You are right.  There are over 150,000 deserving children right here in the USA waiting for adoptive homes.  The costs are minimal to none & the wait is not long.  It's a good question, why don't people here adopt them?  While each PAP has a combination of their own reasons, here are some of the more common reasons why these children are being overlooked.

First, there is a misperception that the children here are not good enough.  Many people here believe that there is something wrong with all the children in foster care.  Of course there are no guarantees with any children, whether you give birth to them yourself or adopt them from here or any other country.    

Second, some PAPs do not want the adopted child to have any other family involved in their life.  It has been referred to as avoiding "birth mama drama."  American adoptions have the option of being open, which is in the best interest of the child.  The international adoptions almost never do, due to proximity & the fact that many children are abandoned and have no records of their natural families.  

Third, since most parents in America who have unplanned pregnancies go on to raise their own children, there are far fewer white babies available for adoption here, and some adoptive families only want a baby, not a toddler or school age child.  They also may prefer not to deal with any special needs the children here may have, even though there is extra support available for doing so.

Fourth, there has been much in the media lately about celebrities adopting from foreign countries.  This has motivated many Americans to do the same.  There has also been an increase in the number of children here stating when they grow up they want to adopt from abroad.  Somehow adopting from abroad is seen as more glamorous and trendy than adopting from home.  They get more recognition for "saving a child."

There should be more encouragement for adopting the children already here.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

(& former foster child)

Answer 2

I wondered that also, since it has to be more expensive and more time consuming with international laws.  The USA has plenty of adoptable children.

Answer 3

I can only speak from our own experience from domestic (US) adoption.  Because of the problems we had with state involvement and the state trying to take the child into foster care and not allowing a private adoption that the bio family wanted, our adoption was full of challenges and court battles (for the bio family).  If we decided to adopt again, we might consider international adoption so we would not have to deal with the US foster care programs and the incentives that they receive for placing children.  That does NOT mean that the children in foster care do not deserve homes - they DO.  I just don't know if we could battle them again personally.

This is just our story - I know others adopt from abroad for other reasons.

Answer 4

some people may feel they are doing more by rescuing someone from an awful poverty ridden existence in the third world, compared to children in care in rich countries who will be looked after, one way or the other

Answer 5

We tried to adopt through foster care, it was an awful experience.  Every step of the way, our social worker from DCF pressured us to reconsider and just be foster parents.  She said that if we wanted to do what was right for children, we would leave them free to reunite with their parents. I felt so guilty for wanting to be a parent. I wasn't trying to break up a family, there are children out there whose parental rights have already been terminated.  

So after a year of the social worker messing around & stalling us, we started reading up on international adoption.  According to Unicef's website, there are 4.8 million AIDS orphans in Ethiopia alone.  Most of those children are with extended family, but there are hundreds of thousands of children who have no one to care for them. They're living in a country where there's no foster care - when you have no family, it's the orphanage (if you're lucky & only until you hit your early teens) or the streets.   I think every child, regardless of where they are born, deserves a loving, stable home.  

We adopted four siblings, age 3-9, who had lost their mother to tuberculosis, and whose father was too ill to care for them.  They had no surviving extended family. Our children tell us the same story the paperwork gave us, so  I think it's the truth.

Answer 6

wow that's a lot to think about even when you have to put yourself in that child's position...

Answer 7

They tend to want complete ownership and cut off the parents, the child's genetic heritage and extended family completely and entirely.

That's not love if you ask me, just pure selfishness.

Answer 8

It seems to be fashionable.  Why else?  

There are plenty of children in the U.S. that need good homes.  Why go all the way to Africa or Viet Name? It's not to say that those children aren't deserving because of course they are but wouldn't it make sense to help those in your native country first?

edit: That is a very good point that someone made about all of the laws in the U.S. that hamper the efforts. Something needs to be done about that because it's not in the best interests of the kids here.

Answer 9

sometimes it is easier and cheaper than adopting in the US.  The government makes you jump through hoops, and private adoption is extremely expensive and the birth mothers can change their minds at the last minute- and you don't get your money back.    Foriegn adoptions have less red tape and the birth mothers rarely try to keep they child or fight for custody.   Adoptin can be a heartbreaking process, especially if  you have gertility problems and you have your heart  set on a newborn.  Personally, I would not do a foriegn adoption.  My Husband and I plan to adopt  a few older kids.  We went through infertilty, so we discussed all off the options.  Luckily I was able to have 3 kids (  1 and a set of twins), so I have done the newborn thing : ).

Answer 10

Speaking for myself, I adopted from overseas because I was told that it might take as much as five years to adopt an infant domestically (I'm single) and that it would cost upwards of $30,000.  I adopted a baby from China in 1996.  The whole process took nine months, and cost me $14,000.

Answer 11

Whenever this question is asked, I am always astounded by the misconceptions people have.  To clear a few misconceptions :  1. international adoption is not less expensive (it's usually more expensive) than domestic adoption, so that is not the reason people choose it.  2.  there is not less red tape in international adooption.  To adopt internationally, you have to meet the same requirements of your state for adoption just like anyone adopting domestically, PLUS you have to meet the requirements of USCIS for approval to bring an orphan into the country PLUS you have to meet the requirements of the country from which you are adopting as well.  So it is, in fact, much more red tape.  

I think that most people adopt internationally because, although it is more expensive and a lot of red tape, it is a more predictable process.  The wait time is usually more predictable, although maybe not shorter.  A lot of people criticize adoptive parents motivation for adopting internationally to "avoid birthparents".  And some adoptive parents do unfortunately think that way.  I personally, did not want to avoid birthparents.  In fact, we intentionally picked an international adoption program because of its opportunity for birth parent contact.  However, we did want an infant adoption in which birthparents rights were already relinquished.  I could not take part in pre-birth matching.  So there is the uncertainty and frankly unethical nature of prebirth matching that people may want to avoid.  Foster/adopt is a great domestic way to adopt, but there are certainly the uncertainties of placements with that.  I knew I couldn't handle children coming in and out of my home.  Another factor in our decision was the fact that my husband is Asian, so we thought we would have the opportunity to provide a child who was going to be internationally adopted form Asia a connection to his or her culture.

Answer 12

I've often wondered about that, especially when there are so many kids at home who need adopting and there are free or low cost ways to do it.  Mind you, my oldest was adopted from abroad but we were living overseas at the time (6 years) so I put that down as a different situation.

Answer 13

I can only speak for myself and my husband.  We went abroad because that's where our hearts lead us.

Answer 14

there are different issues that go with different types of adoption.  does the motivation really matter? if it's because you believe you are meant to be an adoptive parent, and feel a pull to go a certain route, then you should take it. there are kids everywhere that need parents that can/will take care of them. NO child has priority over another. at least, they shouldnt. personally, i plan to adopt, and i have no idea which route i would go. sometimes i think id like to pursue an int'l adoption, sometimes id rather pursue foster care adoption. maybe ill just end up doing both. who knows?

Answer 15

Randy??? Free or Low cost ways in the US? Please let me know how.

Answer 16

It's easier to get a baby(under a year old)abroad then get one in the States. It's not cheaper by any means. One of the future parents has to go over to that Country and stay for about 6 weeks. Not only do you have the cost of adopting ,but you also have the living expence. I believe that if you are going to adopt,try to do it in your own back yard,don't go to someone else's.

Answer 17

Have you even watched the news as they drag some poor 7 year old away from the only home and parents she has ever known because the birth mom changed her mind and had lied about who the daddy is and then gets the real daddy to fight for his rights because he never gave up his child!  That doesn't happen with foreign adoption!  Private adoption here in the State can run over $40,000.  Adoption through the state is cheaper, but you never know when the real family will come back and take the child back!  It happens way to often!

Answer 18

We chose to adopt internationally because after we researched all of the avenues of adoption, we felt this was the best choice for our family.  

It's not "easier"... think of all of the requirements and paperwork needed for approval to adopt in the US, then tack on the requirements and paperwork for another country.

Less expensive... this may or may not be true, depending on the international program chosen.

More attention/celebrity status: This is insulting.  Give me a break.  Do you adopt from foster care for attention too?  Are you looking for affirmation that you made such a selfless decision?  Puh-LEEZE.  Grow up.

Speaking of foster care or domestic adoptions only: All children deserve a safe, loving and stable home.  It's ethnocentric and narrow minded to believe that children not born in the US deserve this less than those born in the US.

ETA: Heather B: You just posted on the Adoptees birthday question that "adopters" should not be speaking for their children because they don't know how they feel inside.  Don't you think you're being hypocritical by posting about someone else's motivations for adopting overseas?  If you haven't adopted overseas or are in the process of it, you have no more business commenting on what someone else is "feeling inside" with regard to their motivations than adoptive parents do on what our children are feeling inside.

Practice what you preach, please.  And please choose a different term than "Adopter" as many adoptive parents, including myself, find that offensive.

Answer 19

There are not enough healthy adoptable infants in the US. Many people don't want to adopt older kids through foster care because those kids have been abused &/or neglected, and through no fault of their own can have emotional problems. Also many people want to experience raising an infant. Unfortunately there is also still prejudice in our society, so some parents are open to adopting a child of a particular race. Another thing that can scare parents off from domestic adoption is the fear (usually unfounded)  that the birth parents will change their mind and take  the baby back. And last some people don't  want any contact with the birth parents and this is easier to ensure with international adoption.

In our case it was the birthmother who doesn't want ongoing contact, but we are happy to make changes if she wants to in the future.

Answer 20

my husband and i decided to adopt but we have 4 boys already so we decided not to do a new born. was preg for pretty much 5 years!!! but we are wanting to adopt 2 or 3 girls from the us. i dont really have a thing against over seas adoption it just isnt our thing. there are plenty of children here in the us and if you go for older children it is very cheap.

Answer 21

it is NOT fashionable, and that is so rude. My hubby and I are adopting from China right now.  We considered all of the adoption avenues out there, and this was the best for our family. ALL children are worthy of a loving home It doesn't matter what country they are from.  I believe that those who choose to criticize families for adopting internationally because there are so many kids in the US should be the first to step up and adopt those US kids. Yes, they need homes too. Open yours.