Can someone tell me what's wrong with my soldier?

Question

My husband is about ready to face his second deployment he's been amazing other then a couple of jealous issues but nothing bad.. but this last 2 days he's been a complete jerk.. yelling at me over everything even the dishwasher, and throwing things and it's even gotten has bad has what I would think is the beginning signs of abuse. He refused to let me leave. he took the keys then ripped the phone out of the wall when I was going to call my friend to come get me. and was screaming and yelling. He's never done this before... I am not sure if its that he is leaving for Iraq in 6 days or what... But it's starting to freak me out.. is anyone else going through this or has any answers?? Is this normal for someone's second tour? Can someone please explain whats' going on with him

Answer 1

PTSD.. you need to get him help and quick or to be honest he probably won't come back from Iraq.  BTW... get out of the house tonight.. walk if you have to.  Go to your momma's or where ever.  Do not stay there.  you are in danger.

Answer 2

Babe, you have to do whats best for you and your health. Wait quietly for the next 6 days and then decide what you need to do. These are very bad signs you should not ignore. He is not going to come back all better. He may come back angrier.

Answer 3

It could be the Iraq war thing, but a real man shouldn't be doing stuff like that, it definitely sounds like he's getting abusive, and him refusing to let you leave and ripping the phone out of the wall is illegal, you should get away from him as soon as you can.

Answer 4

Hubby and I used to live in two different places. He had to work out of town 5 days a week and I only saw him the other 2. Everything was good until a few hours before he had to leave for his next week and then we would start an argument over nothing important. I realized that it was easier to see him leave, to deal with being away from him, if I was mad when he left. My anger would get me through a day or two, then I would start to miss him and be excited to see him etc.

Maybe your soldier is pushing you away because he knows he will be away from you and it hurts to think about it.

It takes two people to tango and if all you want to do is make love, he'll have to stop dancing by himself.

Not sure if this helps, but maybe something to consider.

  

Answer 5

my cuzs husband is going to iraq to but he was just scared he might

just be mad my cuz does not like to talk about it so i dont realy no

Answer 6

The stress of war must be unbearable.  Our soldiers need medical and psychological attention.  I can sympathize with him a lot, but he can't be treating you with anger and violence, either.  In a calm moment, ask him to get help.  Remind him that war veterans going back hundreds of years often relive the trauma and need assistance to build a normal life again.  

Answer 7

He is becoming abusive and controlling. This is your chance to pack your things and leave after he's gone. Write him a letter and explain the reason you are leaving him. Do Not Stand For That Kind Of Treatment. It hasn't nothing to do with his second tour, if anything he would have wanted to spend his last six days with you in Happiness, NOT Fighting.  

Answer 8

He is probably reacting to returning to Iraq.  God Bless him and you ..this takes a serious toll on families.

You have to talk to him and tell him you don't want him to go away on bad terms...it is going to be hard enough for both of you.  You want to support him in any ways you can...but he is driving you away.

He is scared honey.....do  you blame him?  We don't know what goes on over there and his life is on the line 24/7 and then some.  Then he has to worry about you and how you are doing etc.

let him know you will be ok...and you will be waiting for him.  When he comes home...make it a must for counseling for both of you.

Don't take abuse from him though.  There is no excuse for that.

Calmly ask him what you can do to help him.  You know he is going away and you want to do what you can !  He wants you close.  You are his only link to sanity right now and his only link to reality.  He might be afraid you won't be there...try to reassure him and hold him close...but tell him you can't take abuse.

If it continues I would talk to his  Chaplin ....and I know there are support services for families like yours.  Get some help and support on how to handle it.  I would do it now and not when he gets home...you need help now!  If you need to ..get out of the house when you can.  and QUICKLY...

Answer 9

I'm not expert but I think he is having some kind of melt down.  I'd get him some help ASAP.  Take care of yourself.  I hope he doesn't snap and hurt you.  I am not trying to scare you but I feel kind of scared for you right now.    

Answer 10

i would check into the signs of post traumatic stress disorder.it could be the reason for his violence, even after he was left off duty.

Answer 11

No abuse is right and never should be thout it is

get out now and let him know why you are leaving

if you need to have some friends come ove to make sure it don't get worse

if he loves you like you say he will get his sh*t together and try to talk to you (but don't let it be alone)

i know it will be hard to do this but think how hard it would be later  

Answer 12

They have seen a lot. I bet that he is just dreading going again. I know that it is hard on them over there. I know that this is hard for you to he needs to understand that he is not the only one going through this. I hope that everything gets better before he leaves so that this is not what you have to remember the last time that you see each other before his next homecoming. I sorry that you are having to go through this and good luck..

Please thank your husband for serving this country and let him know that what he does, does not go unnoticed.

Answer 13

He's under a lot of stress. I'm sure he doesn't want to go back, judging from those I knew that served in Iraq he probably saw terrible things there, but he also probably doesn't want to leave his family. Again. Although he should be handling it better, especially if it's getting to the point where it actually scares you. I don't think it sounds like PTSD. I'd say get him some counseling but with him going back overseas that seems unlikely.  

Answer 14

He's freeking out he's going into WAR.  War and DEATH are bed buddies.  Also he and his buddies may have talked about how military women cheat on their guys when he's gone.  I'm 1st hand proof they do.  This is NOT where he wants to be in life.  Facing death and the possibility your going to get it on with other guys.  

BUT you need to ask one more time and tell him this is that last time your going to ask "why are you loosing it?"  If he does not come clean with why then you hightail it to the motel..  

Answer 15

Wow babe totally understand what your going through. They don't wanna be at that place so he is acting out and it all has to do with the military. Unfortunately for the spouse we chose to go through this with them all we can do is support them even at their worst. My husband is currently deployed he is usually very angry and short with me when we talk I usually run the entire conversation. He says its just because he hates being there and is sick of it but to me its just as frustrating here for us they really have no idea what we go through while being home. As much as they say they wont change they do some go back to themselves after while the rest end up ruining their relationship because they are hard to live with. I do anything and everything I can before he leave to show him you love him go on a lil date night rekindle the sparks try to take his mind off of leaving the guys really have to go through alot and they need all the support they can get. Sucks that we have to pretty much take it up the butt but thats what the military spouse does we put up with all the bs because we love them and we know that if they were not going or were not there then they would be fine. So hang in there sweetie I really know how painful this must be I too have issues right now if you need someone to talk to email me. God Bless

Answer 16

It sounds like your husband really needs help and shouldn't be going back for a second tour in his condition.

Answer 17

tell him you'll leave him if he doesn't stop acting like an ***

Answer 18

Pretty obviously, it's not normal. And it may well be that he was more affected by the first tour than you know. It is NOT the state of mind to be in going into combat. If he is indeed going into combat, you need to get right now to the support group for wives at his post and explore the options before you get him back one day with his soul burned out.