Can taking things slow ever be..too slow?

Question

ive been seeing this girl for a few months now and we both want to take it slow. we've already hooked up and im really starting to fall for her and we had a long discussion about this and she said she thinks we should just hangout as friends for now because she doesnt want to like, hurt me or anything. but i guess we both want to see how things workout the natural way, without us both planning it. (im L*****n shes bi) I dont know like, its getting hard for me to see myself with anyone else.

So i was just wondering, is this normal for relationships to start out?

And what were some of your experiences? (g*y or straight)

and sorry you had to read so much, but your advice is greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

You can take things slow and steady, but yes there is such a thing as "too slow". Basically, she's telling you she's not ready to be in an intimate relationship with you without having to say the words aloud.

While a great relationship does start slow and evolves naturally, I don't get that impression here. :(

Either she's not into you, emotionally/sexually or she is. Its not fair of her to keep you guessing and wondering. She can't say she doesn't want to hurt you as an excuse, because she already kinda is. Its nice she wants to spare your feelings, but honestly you can't always be in a relationship unscathed.

I was in a similar relationship... every time things got serious, she'd back off saying "slow it down" or "I'm not ready yet". I respected that...for about 8 months. It took awhile me to realize it wasn't working out as a relationship... friends was all she apparently wanted but didn't (or couldn't) actually tell me that.  I personally never could get over that she couldn't just say it, instead of stringing me along all that time.

Anyway, I'd either just flat out as her "You want to be with me or not?" or just keep going along... Good luck. :)

Answer 2

It sounds like she hasn't decided within herself which she likes more - guys or gals.  I'm sorry you're falling for her.  It doesn't sound like she's committed to pursuing a relationship with you. ("see how things workout the natural way") hmmm....

I wish you the best

Answer 3

I think you are wasting your time and are going to get hurt badly....she is playing you, keeping you as a toy until the "right one" comes along. If she had real feelings, she would not be saying stuff like this. Good luck, and get out with some others....Goldwing

Answer 4

"she said she thinks we should just hangout as friends for now because she doesnt want to like, hurt me or anything."

her actions are telling you shes not ready, and wont be for awhile. move on itll be easier.

Answer 5

I personally think that yes, things can be taken too slow. I've taken things way to slow with people, and they've ended up getting bored with me. I was heartbroken when they went off, but i can understand now that it was basically my fault. Relationships need give and take. Either she really is worried about hurting you, or she is having doubts about your relationship as more than friends. I would confront her about it...its only fair that you know exactly whats happening, especially as you are falling for her. Only she knows the real reason why shes acting like this, so you just have to ask her!

Answer 6

I have been in this situation and I can tell you that it is not worth it. They say that they are bi for a reason. It is just an escape clause. It basically gives them permission to not be monogamous. If you are looking for someone to be with that will never cheat on you, then do not start one with someone who professes themselves to be bisexual. It only sets you up for failure. It is good if you want to take your time in a relationship, but in all honesty, I think that this one was doomed from the start.

Answer 7

The thing is not that it is going too slow, but that your feelings are not reciprocated. Your friend obviously has issues and it doesn't sound like a good candidate for a lover's relationship.