Can the fetus and mother develop a strong bond prior to birth?

Question

This seems to be a rather heated topic and I am curious as to what others are basing their conclusions on. Can you please add in factual accounts or resources that support your standpoint?

http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com/bondingwith_newborn.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maternal_bond

http://www.kangaroomothercare.com/whatis01.htm

Answer 1

it depends on who you ask...

if you ask birthing mothers or some adoptive parents most would say, "yes."

if you ask those who believe in the "wrong tummy phenomena" most would say, "no."

since my children came to me  through my own pregnancies and childbirths, and i think the wrong tummy belief is complete b.s., i strongly believe that all of my children and i bonded, pre-birth.

and i must concur with the former poster who wrote how she talked, sang and felt attached to her baby, pre-birth.  i have spoken to my pre-birth babies, out loud, in public.  of course people think i'm nuts, until i tell them what i'm doing.  and most just say, "ahhhhhh!"

Answer 2

For me in utero bonding is a fact.  If so many animals "know" their children/mothers, why should we humans be any different?  I believe that we are simply programmed to look, sound, smell, feel, and taste right to eachother.  

I read The Primal Wound only because it seemed to be source material for so many other authors.  However, while reading the book, I found myself thinking again and again:  Well, of course!  But I was reading the book thinking of my own pregnancies and from the mother's point of view.  It makes me very uncomfortable to read the book thinking of myself as the child.  Although I think I'm about as healed as a person can be from my primal wound, the premise of the book explains many...just quirky, little things about myself.  

I was relinquished for adoption at birth.  When I was a pre-teen I went through a silly phase with all my girlfirends where we decided to change our names.  I chose an unusual name, one that no one had ever even heard of.  I didn't know anyone with that name, had never read a book/seen a movie that had a character named that.  I never knew where I came up with this name until decades later I discovered that it is my bmom's name.  A highly unlikely coincidence.  To this day, I have never come across the name anywhere else.

I speak two languages on a daily basis.  One is my native language, the other  I learned in adulthood..  During both of my pregnancies, I was sure that the babies in utero could tell the difference between the two languages.  The "foreign" language alsways made them become very still...even mid-kick, they would just suddenly freeze.  I actually did "demonstrations"  for my husband, my girlfriends, the ob/gyn...all of whom were amazed by how obvious the difference between the reactions was.  It was not my imagination.

I presume we have all seen a tiny baby that screams in the arms of its doting father, continues to scream in the arms of a well intentioned neighbor who raised 6 kids, resists even the comfort of an experienced nurse or doctor...but becomes calm and comforted the second it is placed in its mother's arms.  Mother and child just know eachother.

Answer 3

I can't speak to the in utero issue, but.....

I know my son looked for his mother, from the moment we got custody.  He was about 80 hours old.  He recognized her on visits, and would go to her, even when he had stranger anxiety.

I work with birthing women, and EVERY ONE of those babies looks for their mama.

It's beyond foolish to minimize the bond infants have with their mothers, from the moment they are born.

One of the things that made me most furious about my son's birth was that the hospital was going to refuse to let his mother use the "birthing suite" because  "she doesn't need to bond with a baby that is not hers."

One of the things that I am MOST grateful about is that her postpartum nurse was a birthmother herself, and encouraged mom to spend as much time as possible with baby, even to breastfeed if she wanted to.  She was "supposed" to encourage mom to leave baby in the nursery, and go home next day. GRRRRR

Answer 4

http://www.violence.de/prescott/reviews/...

http://www.healingresources.info/article...

http://www.wombecology.com/suicide.html

http://www.birthpsychology.com/birthscen...

http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/perry96.ph...

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/artch...

http://www.birthpsychology.com/lifebefor...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Answer 5

I agree with Raja, I had no idea this was even "debated"...

I felt a strong bond between my son & I before he was born.  And am currently feeling that bond develop with this new baby inside.  

Dreams, "knowing" certain things (such as, I knew my son had gone Poo in the waters before he was born, I also knew he was a boy, I saw his face in a dream, I felt he was trying to tell me many things about himself while I was pregnant with him), feeling of connection, the passing back and forth of hormones, all that stuff, I believe with all my heart that babies and mothers can bond & *maybe* even actually communicate in some ways during pregnancy and of course after birth as well.

Just a little "anecdotal evidence" lol...

and FWIW I am pregnant, I believe with a girl, and I also feel there may be a chance of breech delivery.  Will let you know how it goes in 18 or so weeks.  

I feel very attached to my unborn babies, I talk to them, feel them wiggle & kick, pat them, sing to them, shine lights through my belly, and they respond back, with what seems like "breathless" attention.  Ie, holding still and "listening" or moving with rythym, and so forth.

Answer 6

well, of course they do.... I think my bond to my daughter was stronger than her bond with me, but there was a bond. I could sooth her better and at just days old, she turned when she heard my voice (but not with other people).But now, the bond is unbeleivable. We are ALL close to each other. I'm mush close to her than I was to my mother.

Answer 7

The mother does... The child doesn't.

For the first years of our lives humans are just little animals, we live on instinct.  Children will bond with whoever cares for them.

Answer 8

Why would you need scientific fact to prove that??

Ok. I love my mum and dad.

I DO NOT feel a loss when it comes to my birth mother (the woman who carried me for 9 months and thats it)

If i had "bonded with her" then i wouldnt feel no loss would i? How about asking the adoptees rather than wanting scientific study facts.

No bonding for me, no feelings of rejection, nothing at all! Love my parents love my life and love the fact that I am blessed, i can have kids of my own.

Answer 9

I don't understand why this would be up for debate at all.  It's been known, for quite some time, that mother's bond with their children before birth, during birth, and immediately after birth.  

~Raja

Answer 10

I've already quoted, at some length, in other answers from Nancy Verrier's "The Primal Wound."  Verrier is a psychologist and an adoptive mother.  Anyone who has any doubts about the claim of a bond between fetus and mother needs to read Verrier's book.  While I could continue to quote, it would be more informative for those that have doubts to read the book.  

The fact of the matter is that infants can pick out their mothers shortly after birth.  It would be difficult to explain how a blank slate, with no bond to anyone, could do that.

Answer 11

Absolutely, yes.  One of the best references I know of:-

Dr. Thomas Verny, “The Secret Life of the Unborn Child”