Can the police help?

Question

my stepson lives with myself and my partner, he smokes lots of weed with his mate in his room every night of the week, he wont get a job so is always in, he makes life h**l for his mum with demands for money, recently when he was out his mum was emmptying the bin and found a police stop and search slip, also she found knife in his drawer, it is making life unbearable for us, he threatened his sister with a knife for just a cigarette, we cant go on like this but who will help? he becomes angry and violent upon mentioning anything which is related to the problems. would the police help? if so how? who else??

Answer 1

In addition to the other valuable and thoughtful issues and advice already given by others of  'tough love', 'mums not facing up to their sons weaknesses' etc. perhaps this thought should also be taken into consideration.

Sooner or later the authorities will be making a visit to the household where you and your partner live and doing a drugs bust. Under English law it is an offence, Misuse of Drugs Act 1965, for persons to allow premises to used for smoking cannabis. ( There are similar offences in relation to other drugs also ).

The fact that you appear to indulge not only your step son but his mate to smoke 'weed' tends to aggravate and remove any sympathy that might have been available if it was just your wayward step son. The prosecution will make the obvious point that canabis smoke is a very noticeable and easily detectable one and therefore you must, as you do, know what was going on.

Even if you don't actually get prosecuted do you really want or deserve the humiliation of your house being searched, perhaps initially being arrested, having your DNA taken - it remains on file even if you are not charged, etc.

I don't think you do so its your call now - show him the door, change the locks, mark your property with a UV security pen and hide your valuables for the time when he comes to burgle you to finance his drugs habit.

If you are in rented property the drugs use is almost certainly a ground for the landlord to seek possession of the property.

If it is a housing association / council rented property is it possible to arrange a house swop without his knowledge and then just go without tellig him ?

Perhaps just maybe tell him that if he wants to and does change his ways you'll be there in the future but for now he needs to get his act to-gether elsewhere.

Answer 2

Wow, sorry to hear about what you have to deal with at home.   You do not mention how old he is.  It is time for tough love.  If he is of legal age you are under no obligation to feed and house him.  It is time to say get help, get a job, these are the rules, if you do not like - you have to leave.  Tell him you love him but, do not like what he is doing. The 'tough' in tough love refers more to how tough it is on the parents to follow through.  Be firm.  He will say he hates you, Mom- how could you?, cannot believe you are doing this etc., however, he is not going to change without it.  More then likely he will find someone to enable his behavior for a while and will not miraculously change overnight.  Talk it over with your family.  Find a program for him. Lay it all out and say OK, heres the deal, follow through with this or else we cannot let you stay here where we have to watch you destroy yourself.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/tough_love....

Good luck.  Whatever happens, this will not be easy on anyone.

  

Answer 3

Tell him to leave.

Answer 4

The police will have a stern chat with him if you give them this information, this might be enough to shake some sense into him.

Answer 5

Wow, tough situation.  :-(  Ok, #1, why does your partner allow him to smoke weed in the house?  Does the step-son own the house?  Probably not.  You didn't say how old this kid is, so I'm going to guess he's older than 18, due to the fact you said he won't get a job.  If he's 18 or over, and is not in school, you need to get your partner and the boys mum to sit down with him, and let him know if he doesn't straighten up, he's either got to go into a rehab center, or get a job and become a productive person.  The fact he threatened his sister with a knife for a cigarette is frightening, and you shouldn't take that episode lightly.  You also mentioned he gets angry and violent when you bring up "his" problem.  Anger, drugs and violence would scare me enough to put him into a rehab center if he's under 18.  He obviously is not going to change, and it sounds like his parents are "enablers", by allowing him to get away with the things he does, plus giving him money to buy the stuff!  If he's over 18, let him know he either stops smoking and stops bringing the pot into your house, and he has to find a job immediately, or he will no longer have a roof over his head.  Someone has got to step up to the plate and get this kid straightened out.  You can try calling the police, or better yet, stop down at the station and explain the situation to them, and see what they suggest you all do.  I'm sure they could put you into contact with the right organizations.  Good luck!

Answer 6

Your main problem i fear will be his mother,females have a terrible habit of protecting useless nomarks like her son,she could turn on you.Tread very carefully or you may lose her to him,it happens.These days though, there are more mothers getting with it, and turning their idiot child in to the police.Make sure of your ground and involve your wife in every decision.

Answer 7

you can call the police and tell them to pick him up and take him to the local mental hospital for an evaluation.  The parents can get an injuction for a 30 day stay.  Talk to someone in mental health field they can tell you what needs to be done to get him some help.  Threatening his sister with a knife and getting the police involved could get him a jail sentence, but i think he may have some underlying mental health issues, and a jail sentence isn't going to fix that...

Answer 8

The police might talk to him, but there are two problems here.

1) Mothers and family in general tend to protect their own. Even when they'll hold others in their family at knife-point.

2) If he becomes angry and violent for just mentioning anything related to the problems, what would he do to anyone he suspected of calling the police about him? He may also get angry and violent to anyone throwing him out the house.

If he's that bad already, I'd suggest you talk to someone at the police station for advice and what they can do to help rather than just ask on Y! Answers.