Can the relationship you have with you're own mother pass on to your daughter?

Question

I have a really terrible relationship with my mother, and I'm always afraid that means my daughter will think the same way of me when she's older, as I do of my mother.

Answer 1

Could you elaborate a little on the relationships with your mother and daughter? Does your daughter come to you when she needs to talk? Have you created an environment that encourages opening up to one another? Does your daughter feel like she can talk about what's bothering her at home? Did you have one on one conversations with your mother? Did you feel loved by your mother growing up?

I don't believe you pass on a bad mother/daughter relationship. You aren't your mother. The relationship with your daughter doesn't have to resemble the one you have with your mother.

I'm sorry to read you have a bad relationship with your mother.

I get the sense that you're a loving mother who wants to have a close and loving relationship with her daughter, better than the one her mother had with her.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she read your question, she couldn't possibly resent you when she's older. She'll know her mother loves her and wants her to feel loved.

Answer 2

I wanted to respond because this is a great question. As a child growing up I had a very bad relationship with my mother as well. Now that I'm much older my mother and I have developed a better relationship. Every individual has a different experience in growing up with their parents. Some have a closeness and some don't. Some of our parents are old fashioned and some of our parents are hip and understanding to the society we live in. Some are very opened to the pressures that children go through and some parents are stuck on it's their way or no way and do not communicate very well. I'm not a mother but always told myself when I have children I would treat them differently from how I was treated. You as a mother have the opportunity to develop the kind of relationship you want with your child. I don't believe in the saying "As I do of my mother". See we take on a hard role in trying to be a good parent. Honestly the secret is communication, support, and trying to be opened to your childs feelings. Children today live in a pure pressure world and they need to feel a sense of security from home. Children just want to be expressive and when we as parents don't accept this we are pushing our children away, and that's why children tend to feel that they can't communicate with their parents. You will be a wonderful parent because you seem to want to have a good relationship with your daughter. Just listen to her, even if it's something you might not want to hear or always have the answer to. Try to be understanding and relate back even on your issues and look at the world we live in today as well. It has changed and continues to change. You will not always agree with her but never shut what she's saying out either. When you encounter a negative turn it into a positive reaction so you both come to a happy medium. She needs you as her mother and her bestfriend. You can be both roles. Hope this helped. Good luck:)

Answer 3

Well, it depends on if you do the same things your mother did to ruin your relationship with you and the circumstances you've been though with your daughter.

Answer 4

very interesting

since a father who was sexually abused by his father could abuse his own son and or daughter

I think a terrible relationship with your mother could make you have a bad relationship with your daugher

Answer 5

The coolest thing about "family traditions" is that they can be broken....with a lot of effort on your part.  First thing I'd do if I were you would be to see a councellor (check the local community center or churches for cheap or free ones)....this could help you vent your probs with your mother....they'll also give you the tools you'll need to learn how not to pass on to your daughter and future generations.  You could also take a voluntary parenting class...they're great information sources.   Be ALWAYS aware of your actions and especially words with your daughter...strive to do the right thing each time.  Basically you've got half this battle beaten already...you've realized and admitted the problem and are willing not to let the "tradition" go on any longer...keep rolling with it.  It's mom's like you that make an emotionally healthier child...awesome! :)

Answer 6

No , don't compare, I did not have a loving relationship  with my mother as I would of liked due to issues, but when I had my children I did the opposite of how my mother treated me . Me and my children have a wonderful open relationship and they are respectful to me and we have fun. So , treat your daughter with loving respect and she will respect you back and love you.

Answer 7

No I dont think thats true cause me and my momma dont have the best relationship and my daughter is only 7mth and I think we have the best relationship ever I love my daughter 2 death thats why I go 2 school everyday 2 make a better life for me and her and dont be afraid just be the best mom u can b.