Can they just get along for 1 day?

Question

Ok so here is the thing. We had a birthday party for our son he just turned 4! Well my bf invited his father and his mother who have been seperated for about 25years. Well his father said he wasnt coming if his mother was going to be there and she said she didnt want any problems and she would be the bigger person and stay away for the day. I reassured her that if she wanted to stay she was more than welcome and that i didnt think it would be an issue. (its been 25 yrs! come on) but she left anyways then she went to my bf's grandmother crying about how her son wanted his father there more than her and blah blah well the grandmother got pissed and didnt show either. Turns out nobody from my bf's family came. Well they ended up getting into a big fight over this and are mad at my bf. Which i dont understand because he invited everyone and did not chose anyone over the other. all he wanted was his family to be there for our sons birthday. Well my bf's grandmother called me yesterday and wants me to bring our son over so he can get his bday present. She doesnt want me to bring my bf. I am really uncomfortable getting in the middle of this but i REALLY feel the need to speak my mind. I mean our son didnt do anything ot any of them and he is the one that gets punished for it. What is a polite but firm way of saying that i agree with my bf that regardless of the "issues" they all have they could have pulled it together for 2 hrs for a bday party. I am really having a hard time not yelling and screaming at these people. i dont want to be rude for sake of my son but i dont want them to think that they can treat my bf like this and me not say anything.

Answer 1

Sounds like its time for your bf and his family to grow up.

25 years, come on, closure????

Answer 2

The only people that they are hurting are their son & grandson & they can't even see it - sad isn't it.

Perhaps you could sit your bf down one night & explain how you feel   ( it sounds like you're piggy in the middle ). You're right, your bf does need to get things sorted out with his family, as to leave the situation as it is, the feelings will just become more enbittered & fester into hatred.

His family behaved like children, tantrums galore !

It was your son's birthday, your bf's family should have had more respect for the little one, set their grievences aside & at least tried to behave with some semblence of adulthood. They need to be made aware that it wasn't about them, it was about your son, it was his day & they all, through childish spitefulness, ruined his special day. They should be ashamed of themselves & if they aren't then they sure as h**l should be. Ruining a 4 yr olds party by not turning up, is bad enough, but to ruin your great grandson's & grandson's party by not turning up, that is unforgiveable.

Even after 25 yrs apart, the petty jealousy & hatred is still there. they all need to grow up.

Good Luck. X :-)

Answer 3

Sounds like the adults in your life are less mature than your son!

I have divorce situations in my family too. I invite everyone and if they are not mature enough to put their issues aside for my child's happiness, then they don't have to come - we don't need the drama.

I would love to please everyone, but I can't. I focus on giving my kids a great birthday in spite of any relatives with thier own "issues".

Try to get on the same page with bf. Let him deal with any slack that comes from his family and you deal with yours. Put the needs of your immediate family first, you will gain respect from reasonable family members.

Answer 4

Your husband needs to sit down with his family and set things straight.  Tell them that he is doing what is in the best interest of the child and that they are really being immature and selfish.  He should say that he is trying his best to stay out of it and will do so from now on.

ETA: well he's being immature now, there is nothing you can do if he won't handle it.  This is a red flag, don't amrry this guy.