Can u check my thesis please 4 this research paper?

Question

do i need to change something plz _ In eastern North America, Great lakes are a group of five freshwater lakes between the United States and Canada, such that include Lakes Superior, Huron, Erie, Ontario, and Michigan. The great lakes have various branches of study and there is always an ongoing research in the study of the great lakes. Although there are many research going on in different lakes about different things but my main concern is on the Mass Balance of Lake Michigan’s two primary chemicals. Mass balance of Phosphorus and Nitrogen is a growing concern of Lake Michigan.

Answer 1

You need to really find your focus here. You go off in different directions throughout the paragraph, and I'm not really sure just what your thesis is. Use this paragraph to tell your audience exactly what your paper is about.  Keep your details for the body of the essay; the thesis paragraph should simply introduce your ideas.

Also, I hate to point it out, but you really need to give this paragraph to your word processing program and let it show you all the grammar issues you have. It's not a crime, but you need to have your essay (and most importantly, this paragraph) in perfect, legible order.