Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies, "Autumn.â€Â
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'
Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.
Bob's greatest achievement was his brood of six children. In fact, he was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six", despite her continual objections.
One night at a cocktail party, Bob decided it was time to go home and shouted across the room, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His irritated wife hollered back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
A husband and wife were disagreeing with each other and the silent treatment was under way! The silence continued, when a week later the husband needed to get up at 5am to catch a business flight. His alarm clock wasn't working, and he grudgingly realized that he needed his wife to wake him up.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote down on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 5 tomorrow morning so I can catch my flight," and put it on her pillow before she came to bed.
The next morning he awoke to find that it was 9am, he heard his wife in the kitchen, and he had missed his flight. He noticed a note on his pillow, "It's 5am... Wake up!"
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