Can u proof read my scholarship essay, its why do u deserve a scholarship?

Question

Trying to figure out how to pay for school when you decide to go is very stressful. Receiving a scholarship would help me tremendously with my goal of going to school. The reasons I deserve a scholarship are cost, furthering my career, and to achieve goals I have set for myself.

I need this scholarship first off because I can not afford to pay my tuition out of my own pocket. I made to much last year to receive federal aid. With a house payment, car payment, and other bills, I live paycheck to paycheck with little to no money left over. My family doesn't make enough to help me with any of the costs of tuition. My only other option is to take out student loans.

Currently I work as a temporary at the Honda factory for the past two years. With the way the economy is heading towards a recession and Honda closing the motorcycle plant here in Ohio, I do not think that they will be hiring for full time associates for at least a few years. I don't want to work on the assembly line for four more years living paycheck to paycheck with no benefits or chance of actually getting hired by Honda. I want to get into the medical field for job security and having benefits like insurance and starting a retirement account for my future. Even with a possible recession, jobs in the medical field are expected to keep growing.

I am a very motivated and goal oriented person. Whenever I set a goal for myself I do whatever I can to achieve that goal. I've set the goal for myself at this stage in my life to go to school to help me be where I want to be in ten years. I will have to go to school in the morning and continue to work full time at night. I know this will be hard and have no illusions that it will be easy, but I know that it will pay off in the long run because I will be able to get a job where I work better hours for more pay with benefits. I know that without going to school I will never get ahead in life and will continue to live how I am living right now, and that's not how I want to be in ten years.

Winning a scholarship would be the best thing for me. It would help ease the burden of paying for school. It would also help advance me to a better career field and help me realize my goals I've set for myself. These are just a few reasons why I think I deserve a scholarship to help me with attending Clark State.

Answer 1

I think it's fine buty ou need to distinguish yourself from other people. Believe it or not, many people are going through the same exact thing as you are so you need to put something on there that makes you unique.

Answer 2

Cut out the wordiness!

I need this scholarship first off because I can not afford to pay my tuition out of my own pocket.

Don't say first off! Make ur point and cut out unnecessary words.  U need to focus on academics.  It's called a scholarship for a reason! U are supposed to be a scholar!  Also stop all of this pity junk with u living paycheck to paycheck!  U repeat urself alot during this paper! I don't think u put alot of time into it! If u did put alot of time into it HAHAHAHAHAHA It's really bad!

Don't use the world illusion.  It doesn't mix well and it is repetitious.  look this is wat u said it sounds dumb doesn't it!

"I know it is going to be hard,  I am not ignorant of the fact it is going to be hard" u just repeated yourself lol

I have my own papers to write so I will be on my way now but seriously don't get morons on the net to edit it! Most smart people dont have time to edit your junky essay.  U really are going to have it hard if u cannot write alot better than this!

There is so much wrong in ur paper I don't even know where to start!

Answer 3

Grammar needs a lot of work. It is too wordy. It is not organized. Check your homonyms ("to" versus "too").

1) Tell who you are and what you do.

2) Tell why you need the scholarship

3) Tell what you will do with the education.

The last part is most important. Show that you're not just in it for the money. A little altruism goes a long way.

As an example, "This scholarship will enable me to achieve my dream/goal/desire of being a _____________ so I can help people with/overcome ________."

By the way, the economy is not heading for a recession, just so you know.

In addition, there's nothing wrong with student loans. I used them to finish my undergrad and for grad school, and I'm paying them back. Not a big deal, and less than 4% of my net income.