Can we adopt or do we have to wait?

Question

we are having trouble getting pregnant and we want to adopt which we planned on at some point anyway even if we had a biological child.my question is should we wait until we get moved in to out new house and are married to fill out the applications.this would probally be easier.the company we are gonna use doesnt have a time frame for marrige so thats not an issue.would they accept out application now if we arent yet married or into out new home.i mean were the same people now that we will be then i just want to get the ball rolling because its such a drawn out process thanks

Answer 1

If you are planning on adopting I would get the forms done now as it does take a long time also it doesnt matter that you are not married as long as you are in a stable relationship which you obviously are, we have adopted and we are not married (been together 12 yrs). Goodluck hope everything goes well

Answer 2

I think that ONE of you could adopt now, as a single parent, but they will not allow you to jointly adopt a child when you are not married-too complicated and potentially risky.

If you start the process now, and then get married and/or move into a new home you will have to update your homestudy anyway so you might as well wait until you have everything in order.

Good luck, however!

Answer 3

If the agency doesn't require you to be married (which I guess is what you mean by "doesn't have a time frame for marriage), then you can get started now.  The policies vary by agency (religiously-based ones, for instance, are likely to require that couples be married) and by country (if adopting internationally) or by state (if adopting within the US).   It varies a lot, but your agency worker will be able to tell you what programs you're eligible for.  Even if the agency itself doesn't require marriage, starting the paperwork as an unmarried couple may limit your options, so you should talk with your worker about that.  

The fact that you will be moving before the adoption takes place is definitely not a problem.  The "home study" part of the process doesn't really have much to do with your physical house.  

You're right that it's a long process, and there are probably some things you can get started with now--attending an orientation meeting at the agency is usually the first step, and you should definitely be able to do that.  There may also be some pre-application paperwork that they do before the formal home-study (so that if there are major problems they can let you know before you pay for the home study).  As for the home study itself--the biggest and most expensive part of your application--that may or may not have to wait until your marriage is formalized.  But if your marriage is only a month off, going to the orientation, scheduling a one-on-one meeting with a worker, and finding out about all your options  should take up most of that time.  

If you are doing private adoption inside the US, you can also start writing your "Dear Birthparent" letter--you won't need it for a while yet, but a lot of people find it takes them a long time to write it.

Answer 4

You'd have to check with the agency you're going through because they may ask for a copy of the marriage license with the initial paperwork.  Explain your situation and see what they advise - that's what they're there for, to make sure all goes as well as it can for the child and you two.  The may offer a pre-adoption consultation as well and if they do, take it.  It will better prepare you for the process.  Chances are they'll want you to be married first before placing a child with you to insure it is going to happen.  Best of luck and enjoy your little one when it arrives - it's a wonderful thing you're doing!

Answer 5

Get married and make the legal obligation to each other before you bring a child into the world.  It's only fair that you are willing to make a lifelong committment to another person before you make that committment to a child, adopted or bio.

Perhaps not a popular opinion, but it's mine anyway.

Good luck on your future family!

ADDED--

Fine.  You have enough couple time.  But it's not a moral opinion, it's a common sense opinion--if you are going to get married, then GET MARRIED and then start your family by whatever means you want.  

And if you are so sick of this site and people like me, don't post for opinions because you are going to get them.  And you're not always going to like them!  If you only want to hear what you want to hear, ask your girlfriends.  If you ask in cyberspace, you're going to get opinions.

Answer 6

I've never heard of an agency that doesn't require you to be married (not just together. married.) for at least two years before starting the adoption process. That's probably going to be more of a downfall than not being in your new home. So, I think your first step to "getting the ball rolling" is to get married.

Answer 7

It is compleatly up to the birthparents if they choose to allow you to adopt their child before your married. If an agency will not allow it then you need to choose another agency. Understand though that as birthparents go (I am one) most want you to be married for a few years and settled down more before they would consider you. But, again that is the birthparents choice to make one way or another. I know if I had a good feeling about an adoptive couple I would have chosen them either way.

Answer 8

You indicated that the agency you are going to use doesn't have a time frame for marriage so it does sound like you have spoken with someone at the agency for more information.  That is the first step.  

Infertility is a tough thing for any relationship.  You might want to take some time as a couple to handle that before rushing into adoption.  It seemed like we went from having a third failed infertility treatment to adopting overnight and it was a hard transition for us.  All couples are different, but just wanted to throw that out there for you.

Another thing that you might want to consider is that if you are using an agency that allows the birthmother to choose the adoptive family, you might run into some trouble with a birthmother choosing you as a couple if you are not married.  That isn't to say that you won't find a birthmother, but it may be more difficult for you as an unmarried couple.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Part of the homestudy is checking out the house for safety issues and enough room, etc. so you should probably wait. Our house was under construction at the time the adoption situation came to us unexpectedly so we couldn't wait, and we had to have the homestudy done in the rental, then pay for an "update" visit when we moved.

Answer 10

In order to adopt as a couple you need to be married, and in most cases you'll need to be married for at least 1-3 years depending on the agency.

The program we adopted through required at least 3 years, but we were able to start the process a few months early, knowing that we'd be married for 3 years by the time we adopted our child.

Although singles can adopt, it is more difficult, and is supose to be for a person living as a single adult, rather then a couple hoping to get around the marriage requirements.

We definetly know how tough it is to wait when you are ready to becoem parents. I wish you luck!