Can we get child support for a non-relative child? Complicated!!?

Question

My boyfriend and his ex were together for 91/2 years. She was pregnant when they met and he took on the roll of being the unborn child's father. The two of them were never married. They broke up about 3 years ago because she cheated on him twice during the relationship. We met shortly after.

During this time the mother has had the child and has put him through the ringer! He has had to switch elementary schools about four-five times. She lived with friends and even an abusive boyfriend. She works nights and most of the time the child is all alone in his room for the majority of the time after school with no discipline. His mother barely buys him clothes for school, and he comes to visit us with ripped jeans and his toes coming out of the top of his shoes.

My boyfriend and I decided to take the child in and now I would like to get guardianship and child support. My boyfriend said his ex will either refuse to pay or just take her son back. This all makes me sick. Can she do this and how can we go about getting some help for this little sweetheart?

Answer 1

you are doing a wonderful thing...and even if you don't get child support

don't let him go back.The only way you can get anything is if you go to court...can you prove she is unfit? if not she will just get him back. not a good idea for the boy. just love him and be there for him no matter what.

Answer 2

just get full custody and give the child a loving home and a fresh start. take the high road and don't ask for child support

Answer 3

ok this is a better explanation of your situation than you set up earlier.

this is a complicated situation and you will need a lawyer to explain the specifics to you.

If he has a father-child relationship with the child and he is the only father the child has known and there is no bio-dad in the picture and he can prove she is unfit or she is willing to give him guardianship then you need to go to court to get it made legal and then you can sue her for child support and while she can refuse to pay (and you can have her jailed for refusing) she can't take the child back if you have legal guardianship of the child.  

The child will also be eligible for social services (food stamps, medical care, etc.) because he is not living with his legal parents.

if you can't afford a lawyer then go to your local legal aid and have them help you find a lawyer willing to help you.

Good Luck and Bless You.  It's always a good thing to rescue a child in need.

Answer 4

If you live in the US...  

Yes, she can take him back, and if she does you'll have no standing to sue for custody, because you're a legal stranger to the child--you're not related and Boyfriend was never married to her (a few states will allow an ex-step-parent to sue for custody/visitation, but it’s very few).

If you feel there's neglect, you can report it.  It’ll be investigated and if the state determines that the claim has merit and the situation calls for it, they’ll remove the child from the home.  But, it takes a lot to prove neglect and frankly I doubt any of the things you mentioned would prove it (even living with the abusive boyfriend isn’t going to do it, because it’s in the PAST).  While I agree her actions show a severe lack of parenting skills, I doubt they actually cross the line to neglect (not legally).

And even if the state feels they need to be involved, they may not remove the child from the home--they may simply order Mom to do specific things to improve the situation and then follow-up to ensure she’s done them.  Plus, if she suspects at all that you made the report, she’s going to forbid you from having contact with the child, and there'll be nothing you can do about it.  

Even if the state removes the child from her home, they would first attempt to place him with a relative.  If there’s no relative available/willing to take him in, they would look for foster parents.  You can apply to be a foster, but there’s a process you have to go through.  And it could be that they approve you being his foster parent and then two months later they remove him from your home and send him back to Mom, because their main goal is to reunite the family, so if Mom does everything they ask of her...

So, with all that said you have a choice to make...take him in, give him a decent shot at life, and do it without any financial help from her.  Or have him yanked out of your life for good because you want child support (I agree she should pay it, but...).  I know what my choice would be, and I hope yours will be the same.

By the way, if she does agree to you taking him in, you do need some form of temporary custody/guardianship (which can be revoked at any time) or you can’t do things like enroll him in school, consent to his medical care, etc.

Good luck.