Can we say something positive about adoption for a change?

Question

What are some good things that come from adoption? There are way too many negative questions about adoption on here.

Is anyone happy with their adoption?

Answer 1

One of my best friends was adopted from India at 6 week sold and has nothing but a GREAT family- she plans to adopt when she marries someday, even though she -should- be able to have biological children.

Answer 2

Here you go. I love my a-parents very much and would do anything for them. At the same time i have a relationship with my b-grandma and that does not mean i'm disloyal to my a-parents

Answer 3

When I was getting my shots yesterday, a woman was asked about her little boy, who was adopted, and I said my son was, and in the process her 7 year old daughter was.  The daughter (who has 10 brothers and sisters between 2 and 25), is hooked on adoption, and loves her family, and says she's never having children, that she's going to adopt.  The special laugh she had, the confidence, and the joy she had was just infectious.

Answer 4

I think adoption is the most amazing and unselfish thing anyone could ever do! why is it being talked about bad? or do you meanabortion? hmmm

Answer 5

I have three daughters adopted from China, and they have brought me nothing but joy every day of their lives!

Last night, my 12-year-old and I were watching the movie "Losing Isaiah."  In this movie, Halle Berry plays a crackhead girl who throws her newborn baby in a garbage pail.   He is found, and eventually adopted by a white family.  A few years later, when he's about 3, his birth mother learns that he's still alive, and decides to go to court to get him back.  She is represented by a militant lawyer who believes emphatically, "black babies belong with black families."  Despite the fact that the adoption had been legalized over two years earlier, the judge rules that the child should go back to his birth family.  He is torn screaming from his adoptive mother's arms.  

At this point in the movie, I was crying hysterically, and my daughter was hugging me tightly.  She said over and over, "How could they do this?  How could they take that little boy away from his mother?"  This is my ADOPTED daughter saying, "How could they take him from his ADOPTIVE mother?"   Through my tears, I asked her if she thought it would have been better if she had been adopted by a Chinese family.  She said incredulously, "NO!"  

My children know who they are, even though they have no knowledge of their birth families.  I do hope to help them search someday, if the political situation in China changes.  But I will always be their mother.

Answer 6

I just found my family despite secrets lies and closed records.  It has been an amazing and positive experience.

And adoptees in the USA are on their way to restoring equal rights to their non-adopted counterparts.  Things are looking up on that front too.

Answer 7

It saved my dd from being raised by a rapist. Lord knows what would have happened when she hit puberty.

Her natural father is now incarcerated for a second rape and a suspect in another. The fact that she will be free from ever being sexually abused is proof positive that adoption was extremely positive......

But then her chances of being a serial killer have just went up. <rolls eyes>

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 8

As an adoptive parent, it's been a sublime joy to watch my children's first time experiences, see them grow and thrive, and watch more and more of their amazing potiential become unlocked.

Answer 9

Adoption is selfless.

Adoption is loving.

Adoption is beautiful.

Adoption is incredible.

Both my brother and sister were adopted and it was the best thing that happened to them and to me.

How can giving an unwanted child a loving family possibly be a bad thing? Adoption is 100% good.

Answer 10

adoption is one of the most wonderful things out there who would say anything negative. People who give their children alway arent bad but they are actually trying to give their child a good life. Plus it helps those who cant have children and would like one.

Answer 11

Adoption is WONDERFUL

For Orphans.............................

:)

ETA GEEZE noodles is it any wonder that you are single !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are just plain mean ! why pick on Isabel ?

Answer 12

Hi Twinsmama,

I think I understand where your question is coming from.  Here are some things that might help explain to those unfamiliar with the realities of adoption:

1)  All you usually hear in mainstream media is that adoption is a win-win-win for everyone, and that adoptees live happily ever after.  Of course that would be the logical conclusion since almost every adoption website will only permit the positives to be expressed.  There is much more than that.  Those who try to speak their truths are usually hushed, censored, or banned from the other sources.  What's different about this format is that all opinions are allowed here.  That's exactly what makes it unique and so much more educational than sites that only cater to a limited view of adoption.

2)  This site is not intended to be a support group, nor about sharing stories, positive or negative.  It's a format where questions are asked and people use their real knowledge & experiences with adoption to answer the questions.  If some of the realities are not pretty, those should be addressed rather than pushed under the rug.  No point in trying to keep a fantasy about adoption alive.  Fortunately, adoptees and their advocates are allowed to speak here, and who is better qualified than an adult adoptee to explain what they have been through & how it feels?  They have lived it their whole lives.  Why should they now be required to say only positive things, especially if that's not how they really feel, just so someone else can be more comfortable with continuing the illusion that adoption is all win-win-win?  No real progress is made that way.

3)  Adoption is in serious need of reform.  Speaking out against it should not be taken personally by adoptive parents or others.  Pointing out where there is room for improvements helps to make it a better system for future adoptees, those who are meant to be served by adoption in the first place.  Some people confuse being happy with adoptive families with being happy with the institution of adoption itself.  Those are 2 different things.  Please try to get that important distinction.  Adoptees can love their APs & their childhood, and still hate adoption.  The amount of love they feel for their AP's is independent of how they feel about adoption itself.  There are still problems today with the way adoption is practiced in the U.S.  That does not mean that many adoptive parents are not wonderful people.  They are.  There are many caring, adoptive parents who are helping to reform the system.  Many were simply misinformed by agency workers and the media.  This format is one way to get independent information that enlightens.  

So that's why you will hear a variety of perspectives here.  Hope this helps explain to those who may not have ever heard honest answers from adoptees before.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 13

I don't see it that way.  It is not a matter of the adoptees not being happy with their adoptive families.  It's about being heard about the reality of adoption.  I think when adoptees feel that we are listening to them, they can feel free to tell us about the good stuff and the stinking stuff.  



Adoption is a necessary thing in many cases.  Sometimes it's the child's only chance to survive--literally.  Even when that is the case, it still has to be dealt with by the adoptee and all the parties involved in adoption.  

What triggers many of the angry comments you are referring to is when the person posting a question seems to be clueless about the realities of adoption.  It's not a fantasy.  It's not all rainbows and lollipops.  It's not about saving all the children from living in poverty or less than perfect families.  It should be about saving a life.  Only then is the trauma of adoption worth it.  It's like major brain surgery.  Brain surgery is ALWAYS serious, and ALWAYS dangerous.  There is almost always some kind of negative effects of brain surgery.  Therefore, it is NEVER done unless it is truly necessary.  

Still, even if it saves someone's life, do they not have a right to still feel angry and sad about the difference the surgery made in their lives?  Again, it's not that adoptees are angry WITH their adoptive families.  It's just that they are angry about the way the world portrays adoption.  

Sorry if this is considered negative. Truth is just truth.  It's not negative or positive.  It's just truth.

Answer 14

Every situation is different.  You are going to find people who have had wonderful experiences with adoption, and sadly, you will find those who have not had as nice of an experience.  

For us, our adoption has been a blessing for everyone involved.  The bio parents knew that they did not want to parent and also knew that they did not want their child to be placed into foster care.  They sought us out at a time where we were trying to start a family but could not conceive.  The bio parents chose not to honor our open agreement, but we have a wonderful relationship with our son's bio grandparents and they are a wonderful part of our extended family.  While I cannot speak for our son, and he is still young to fully understand things, I do think that the type of adoption we've had with his bio grandparents is a positive situation for him.  

So for us, our adoption has been a wonderful experience.  The bio parents were allowed to choose "not to parent" and have the people they wanted adopt their son.  Our son's bio grandparents are still involved with him on a regular basis.  We received the wonderful gift of our son, and most importantly, our son is surrounded by love - both from his bio and adoptive families.

Answer 15

I was adopted from birth and had a wonderful life.  I have two siblings who have treated me no differently and parents who have loved me and giving nothing but love my entire life.   I was lucky in the respect that I had parents who were always honest about my adoption and never once made me question my place in the family.  There are alot of negative questions and answers on here.  Some are informative and are giving a different perspective.  There are positive and negative experiences which I believe both hold a place in discussion.  There are some that rather than just voice their experiences feel it is necessary to down play the positive or bash those who have a positive experience.  That is very sad.   Adoption has many view points and it is important to recognize both.

Answer 16

AP - Happy

Adult Adoptee - Happy

I am both.

Answer 17

As mentioned just a few minutes ago, I am greatful that my son has two loving and God-fearing parents that love him. Although I miss my son deeply, I am forever thanful to God that I had the wisdom to look beyond my own life and think about the bigger picture.  & touching others life who deserved the right to be parents.  They are doing a magnificent job and I am thankful to say that their extended family is just as great!  

If someone has something negative to write or say to you about his matter, just pray for them and do not subject yourself to these words.  There's no use in hurting yourself or someone you know who may have experienced adoption or placing a child/baby with a family.

God be with you,

C

Answer 18

As a newly adopted mother of three children ages 4,5,6, if you could see the joy they have at having a permanent mother and father each and every day.  We do believe that joy is a positive thing.  It is horrible that the children did not get the best start in life through a neglectful relationshiop with someone not ready to parent, but us adoptiong them was a positive experience, and for us every so much.

I suppose we shall wee in 15-20 years, and I have no doubt the children will feel the loss of their bio parents; however I do also believe these children will become well adjusted children who feel safe and loved, which is a feeling they would not have felt if they had not been adopted.

Answer 19

I know what you mean.  The wedding section of Yahoo is harsh!!!  Everyone just tore me down when I had questions.

Well, I have not adopted, but I am adopted.  I know that I'm 36 years old now, but I love my Dad so much!  I have no desire to find my bio-Father unless I come down with some awful disease and have to back track and see if it runs in my "family."  I have all positive memories.  The worst memories I have from growing up are from my own family, not the ones that adopted me.

BTW, I was "adopted" when my Dad married my Mom.  So it's probably not the kind of adoption you meant.

If I don't get pregnant by the end of year, I will begin to seek doctor advice and research adoptions.

Answer 20

i have excellent detective skills.  i'm really good at being hypervigilant.  i do not get close, so i'm *lucky* enough to rarely be hurt by others.

oh- and i was from the 60's, so there wasn't  a HUGE profit made off my adoption like there is today.

how's that?

Answer 21

YOU'RE RIGHT!

And foreclosures are not all bad either!  They're great for the people who get to buy the lost real estate at a deep discount!  Someone else's LOSS is your GAIN!  Yeah, baby!

Adoption is JUST like that most of the time!  Someone else's desperation and misery works in YOUR favor!  YOU get to TAKE ADVANTAGE of someone else's agony.

Yes, let's look at it YOUR way--it's easier, that's for sure!

Have a lovely day!

Answer 22

Can we?  Speaking for no one else but me, no.  I can't say anything positive.  And I'm not happy with my adoption.

I love my adoptive parents.  But if you want me to be happy about what was done to me, I cannot accommodate you.  I'm sorry if you choose to be offended by my reality.

Answer 23

adoption.. YES there is a ton of positive about adoption..

Children are given a chance a a life they normally may never of had, they are given loving parents though adoption..

Adoption allows mothers who may have had an abortion, or may have been a bad parent or may not have been able to raise a child.. allow a child to have loving parents..

Adoption is a wonderful thing, sadly there is many children that dont ever get adopted.. but for the ones that do.. its a wonderful thing for both that child and a family needing a child

Answer 24

I think it takes a very strong person to choose to place their child up for adoption. I know I mention my cousin in a lot of my replys. Eighteen years old and pregnant, birthfather didn't support the adoption yet he didn't make any effort to support her while pregnant. Her family life wasn't a good situation, nothing ANYONE would want to bring a child into. Found a local pregnancy center that helped with the adoption, one one one counsling and lots of support from other young birthmoms. Wonderful adoptive parents she picked out, open adoption, spent lots of time with the adoptive parents. Three days in the hospital, spent much of the time with the baby. She feels good about her choice to this day, baby has a good home and will have a better life she could provide.

Answer 25

I am positive that the attorneys in my case got a LOAD of money.

Answer 26

I didn't think it was "allowed" in here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for asking this. Yes, over the moon happy. My daughter is a blessing and I am in awe of her. Her birthday is Saturday. She'll be 9...I can't believe my baby is growing up so fast! She is so dear.

This is just one example of how awesome she is and it happened today, but she is always doing things that dazzle everyone who comes in contact with us. We live in Texas and were at the doctor's today. There were two social workers there and she over-heard them talking about the displaced children from the FLDS {?} raid. She asked me and the two ladies if we could help the children someway! She told them that she would share her room with some kids and they could have her toys and clothes that she's too big for now. I am so proud of her and not only the two workers, but the staff were all in agreement, that my daughter is the sweetest and kindest child ever. Yes, my daughter and I are very happy together. Bless you again for asking.

added: It's a shame Isabel that you can't stand to hear anything positive and good about adoption. Somehow your apology rings shallow and hollow. "I didn't know that it was the job of" yours and several others "here to" put down and demonize "adoption to make it look like something" negative "just to appease you". I've heard" your gang say "there are some" anti-adoption "forums that do exactly that. Maybe you should try looking there".