Can we still be friends if I don't like your kid?

Question

My friend adopted a child four years ago and made him a spoiled brat! I can't stand to be around him. I do not have children, making this harder. In common friends, with kids, agree with me. It is so bad his father, who is in the reserves, told me his biggest fear about going to Iraq was not injury or death, but coming home to an even bigger monster.

My friend basically blew me off when the baby first came, but lately has started to come back around. It is difficult to get over the hurt of being rejected for four years, but I would be willing to try to get past it if I could stand being around her kid. She will not going anywhere without him.

This is a long standing friendship that I would like to save. We also share the same line of work, and the times we see each other have basically dwindled to professional time. Is there anyway to tell a friend they are spoiling their kid rotten? He is in school and gets in trouble a lot, but she thinks he is just "a high energy boy"

Answer 1

Let me tell you from experience you will never ever convince her that her kid is a brat. It will not happen. She knows he has behavior problems based on the trouble at school but she will continue to make excuses.

You will have to deal with the child if you want to be her friend. I had to start disiplining my friend's brats myself.  If he's at your house with her you set the rules, if they don't like it they can leave. It's as simple as that.

Answer 2

Its her son, you are going to have to stop seeing her, or just live with it. You cant ask her to change her son. Sorry to say it, but its not your problem(not trying to be mean)

Answer 3

I understand your hurt feeling from being rejected but try to understand the adjustment she must have went through when the child first got here. As far as telling her that the child is spoiled - unless she specifically asks you what you think it's best not to say anything - especially if you still want a relationship with her. The only thing I can suggest is say something like - "I'm not sure if you can get a sitter sometime but I'd love for us to go out to dinner - just me and you, and get caught up on things, let me know when when you are available."

Answer 4

You should let your feelings be known, in the most kind way you can. It is very hard to let someone know that you don't want to be around them because of their child(I have a step grandson that is a regular demon), but someone has to let her know. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

the child is going to be a bigger handful then he would be if it was her biological child, the kid has been through alot and when people adopt they try to make up for the pain the kid has been through by giving them everything and letting them run wild. its a common mistake alot of people make, but not everyone does. you will either have to accept your friend with a spoiled kid or stay away and if she asks try to be honest but not mean! Good luck!