Can women truly be happy in a relationship in which they are not equal?

Question

My best friend claims she is happy and that she has met her soul mate -- even though he is a total control freak. He snaps at her; she tries to laugh it off, but I can tell it hurts her. He doesn't let her talk to some of her old friends -- jealousy I suppose. She caught him cheating; he got mad at HER for coming home early.

I think her boyfriend is a creep and a lot of other people do too, but they have been together almost eight years, and she had no plans to leave him. He has had two failed marriages.

My friend is very successful in her profession, as nice as you can get, and liked by all who know her. I just can't believe she can tolerate this guy's BS and actually be happy.

Do you think it's possible?

Answer 1

It depends on the relationship and the rules the couple have agreed to.  In the vanilla world, I don't think it's possible to not be equals but be happy.  If it's going to work, it works better in the kink community.  I've heard of master-slave relationships where both agree that the slave will do everything the master demands, to please the master.  Sometimes this can include acceptance to the master's external play partners.  Or even no complaints about anything.  But in this kind of relationship, the rules are discussed and negotiated in the beginning of the relationship and what becomes decided is completely consensual.  This is the only time I can see unequal partners being happy in a relationship.

Answer 2

If a bird has always been in a cage, does it get unhappy because it misses flying freely?  If there is no awareness of an alternative, you can't miss it.  However, we are evolved creatures, with levels of self awareness that make our world more open to us.  We feel, and have a sophisticated view of the world experienced by ourselves and others.  No woman likes to be treated like a doormat, like a second class citizen, or reduced to a possession to be misued and ignored. Yet, there are still too many out there who believe that better to have any sort of man than none at all...and they only feel whole people if they have a man in their life. So, yep, in her way she may be happy, but then also may have to one day take responsibility for her martyrdom too.

Answer 3

I wonder if she's given up on finding someone.  She has already been married twice already. And she's been with this man 8 years. Maybe she thinks he's the best she can get. Even though thats not true at all.

Answer 4

Some people are just like your best friend.  I have 2 sisters like this.  That's just sad.  Your friend  needs to have some self-respect and then she won't tolerate some guy's S****y behavior.  Maybe as her best friend you could help shed some light on her good qualities and get her to think about WHAT she is getting out of her relationship with him.  If you just badmouth him, she won't listen.  Did she wait a reeeeally long time to get a boyfriend or something, and now she's just thankful to have someone (even if he's a creep)?  She needs the confidence of knowing she's the hero and she should drop that zero.

Answer 5

Ask the Proud Stepford Wife and the Ms. this question they certainly seem happy to not be equal or make decisions at home if their avatars and past answers are anything to go by.

Answer 6

Sometimes love doesn't make sense - even if it's not good for you.  Be careful you don't p**s her off by trying to get her to leave him or admit something she is not ready to.  Listen to her if she needs you to and always be there for her.  

Answer 7

He snaps at her; she tries to laugh it off, but I can tell it hurts her.  She's not happy; it's only a front.

Answer 8

My cousin's girlfriend controls him and he's perfectly happy. He can't spend more than an hour with his friends without her calling to see what he's doing and when he's coming home. The fact of the matter is, that's exactly how he's have it be. He's indecisive, only marginally responsible, and he adores the attention she give him, even if it does look like control from an outsider's point of view. The guy can't even dress himself without her approval! But yes, he's happy and they're getting married in September.

I'm a strong believer in "there are no victims in bad relationships." If she's putting up with his c**p, she has to be getting something out of the deal, even if it isn't healthy.

Answer 9

You see, some women don't have the courage to leave.

Ask your friend in private if shes truly happy, and if she says no you must encourage her to leave him, other wise she will just get walked all over by him.

Some women will delude themselves in thinking that they are happy, but in fact deep down their miserable.

What you described there sounds like the start of an abusive relationship.

Answer 10

Some women don't want to be equal and appreciate being either dominant or submissive. Your friend seems to have an unhealthy dependence on her boyfriend. They need to be away from each other.