Can yall help me with this poem card it needs fixing?

Question

ok im in a broken down long distant relationship and short story short he don't trust me but the thing is he has no reason to fear becouse i love him and would never do him wrong

the poem is called star in my eyes

despite all the things we been threw my feeling never changed. i still keep you close to my heart.You are my boyfriend and my only .you came into my life and you gave me a new ray of sunshine when all i saw was darkness.I don't want you to think that I don't care for you becouse you are the first thing on my mind when i wake up untill i fall asleep.And i want god give us stregnths to help our relationship build stronger becouse i don't want to lose you over something which it worth losing you over.You are the star in my eyes becouse you just are.Im hurting so much becouse your so far away but I no that day will come when your right beside me

i no its not really a poem but i tried.

Answer 1

That's CLEARLY not a poem, and it can't be fixed....

I answer your question with another one: Why the H-LL do people think that ANYONE can write poetry?

Answer 2

Despite all the things

we been => we've been

threw => through

my feeling never changed => my feeling has never changed

I still keep you close to my heart.

You are my

boyfriend => love, etc.

and my only .

You came into my life and you gave me a new ray of sunshine when all i saw was darkness.

=> All I used to see was darkness. Then you came into my life and you gave me a new ray of sunshine.

I don't want you to think that I don't care for you

becouse =>because

you are the first thing

on my mind OR that come to my mind

when i wake up (and)

untill => until

i fall asleep.

And i want god give us => I want god to give us OR I wish god to give us

stregnths => strengths

to help our relationship build stronger

becouse => because

i don't want to lose you over something

which it worth losing you over => that doesn't worth losing you over

You are the star in my eyes

becouse you just are. => You just are

Im =>I'm

hurting so much

becouse => because

your =>you're

so far away but I

no => know

that day =>that the day

will come when

your => you're

right beside me

I hope this helps.

Good Luck ;-)

Answer 3

In spite of all of the things that we've been threw;

I've never lost the feelings I've had for you.

I still keep you close to my heart.

You are my boyfriend and my only.

You gave me a new ray of sunshine

When I was in the darkness and lonely.

I don't want you to think that I don't care for you

Because you are always deep in my mind

Every morning I wake up, until I fall asleep.

I want god to give us the strengths we need

To help our relationship get stronger and succeed.

Because I hate the thought of losing you;

Not over something which it isn't worth losing you over.

You are the star in my eyes... because you just are.

I'm hurting so much because you're so far away.

But, I know that it will come to me some day

When you're right beside me, or inside my arms.

Answer 4

You see, I'm a little confused... If it's supposed to be a poem, you should break it down into lines. For example:

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Instead of:

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

This makes it easier to tell what the rhythm is like, and it makes it easier to read. Another thing. To me, this doesn't really sound like poetry. It just sounds like you're writing him a letter. That's fine and all, but if you're going to say, "I need help with my poem!" then it should be a poem.

Also, this may be the Internet and all, but grammar is a MUST. You need to change the word no/know to its correct form. Punctuation needs to be used in appropriate places.  Capitalization needs work as well. Also, a space usually comes after a punctuation mark. All of these things will help in understanding your main point.

Moving on to that point. It's very pretty. I can tell you care deeply for this person. I'm sure he'll understand, too.

At any rate, this needs cleaned up, but the overall concept is good. I hoped I helped!

Answer 5

Stars in My Eyes

by Ashanti ((c) 06/28/08)

despite all the things

we've been through

my feelings never change.

I still keep you close

to my heart.

You are my boyfriend,

my only man.

You came into my life

and you gave me

a new view of life,

a ray of sunshine,

when all I saw

was darkness.

I want you to know

that I care for you

because you are

the first thing

on my mind

when i wake up

and with me all day

until i fall asleep

pretending I'm

in your arms

at night.

I pray to God

to give us strength

to help

our relationship

grow stronger

because I don't want

to lose you

over any thing;

nothing is more

important than you.



You are the

stars in my eyes

because you just are.

I'm hurting

so much

because you're

so far away

but I know that day

will come

when you're

right beside me

again.

T.