Can you Critique my POEM Please???!!!?

Question

Love poem IV

The light of Venus, grace of the skies

Shines with brightness in her cloudless eyes

A heavenly joy dwells deep in her heart

An innocent love with no disguise

And o’er that flowing golden hair

So pure, it brings her a beauty rare

A queenly crown should sparkle bright

For she’s a goddess, a maiden fair

And surely Venus will stare amazed

With eyes aghast and eyebrows raised

At that summit of all earthly grace

That all the stars of sky have praised

1.The Venus in the first stanza is planet Venus

2.The Venus in the last stanza is the roman goddess.

ATTENTION:

Would this line be a better substitute for my last line?

Instead of:

That all the stars of sky have praised

to write:

That all the angels of heaven praised

Answer 1

You sound like Keats.

"1.The Venus in the first stanza is planet Venus

  2.The Venus in the last stanza is the roman goddess."

You don't need to tell people this, if they can't figure it out, they won't like poetry anyway.

It's actually a very, very good poem.  I did not personally "like" it much, because that's not the sort of thing I like, but you certainly have a talent.  Keep writing! And keep reading the work of lots of other writers & poets, it's the best way to grow as a writer.

This is the website for a magazine that is a great resource for writers:

http://www.pw.org/

They have a large section each issue of competitions, most of which will publish winning pieces and many of which will give you MONEY if you win!

Enter all the ones that are free, and be sure to mention in your cover letters that you are only 16 years old... someone will soon notice you!

Thanks for sharing!

Answer 2

I like the original line, as it is.

I'm correcting it though:

Light of Venus, Grace of Sky,

Shine with brightness in her cloudless eyes,

A heavenly joy dwells deep in her heart,

And innocent love without a disguise.

And o'er her flowing golden hair,

So pure, it brings her beauty, rare,

A queens crown should spark bright,

For she's a goddess, a maiden fair.

And surely Venus will be in awe,

With eyes aghast and brows raised,

At the summit of all Earthy grace,

That all the stars of the sky have praised.

Answer 3

i really do like it keep the last line because well just keep it and man you pro poets have such a wide vocabulary maybe i shoud read the thesarus or something

Answer 4

I prefer the stars of the sky to the angels of heaven...

It is good the way you have written and it is a question of personal choice.

reason for my preference the revision seems to weighty with angels.

If you do revise consider the following -the stars of heaven-

just a thought.

You write well,

my compliments to you!

Answer 5

it sounds d**n good to me the way it is.you are better at writing than i am but if you would check the one out i wrote and be my critique