Can you advise me on this wedding guest dilemma?

Question

Me and my fiance only want family at our wedding ceremony and reception, but just recently my brother has asked if he can bring his friend from work (who is female) to my wedding who no-one else knows but him, and he has already asked her too apparently (nice of him), I did say she was welcome to come to the evening reception, along with our friends, but my mum says she lives too far away and would need to stay over at their house, so would have to come for the whole day. Now I don’t want to sound selfish but, me nor my fiance know this girl, so to have her share our special day just feels wrong, and I have just found out that she also has a boyfriend, which I find a little strange, as I can’t imagine why my brother has invited her knowing this?

Any opinions on this situation would be appreciated, as I don’t want to upset or offend anyone.

Thanks!

Answer 1

At the end of the day its your special day and you have every right to say who goes and who don't to the ceromony and the night party.

Answer 2

i think she is probably your brothers best friend. However i dont think this is relevant to your wedding! she isnt his girlfriend... shes just a friend! I think your brother should uninvite her as its your big day and you should choose who comes.

By the way congratulations.. x

Answer 3

Tell your brother firmly that you want just family to the day but she is welcome to the evening. Tell him it wont be fair on others if you break the rules for him.

Ask him why she is coming and that is was wrong of him to invite her first without asking you.

At the end of the day don't feel pressured into anything it is your day and you have who you want.

As for accomodation that isnt your responsibilty!!

Answer 4

say that you have a lovely shopping centre and point her in that direction.

Answer 5

I personally think it was very selfish of your brother to invite her when he knew you wanted only family at the wedding. It's your special day so I think you should tell him that he can't bring her. I know he already told her it was ok, but that is his mistake to deal with.

Good luck and congrats!!!

Answer 6

The bottom line is that this is YOUR day. Unfortunately he has made things difficult and puts things in an awkward situation. I think you have to decide what will have the greatest negative affect. Is it confronting your brother on this and how you feel, potentially upsetting him, or how it will affect your special day by having someone there you don't know since you are choosing to have such an intimate setting.

To me, it's simple. YOU are what is important here for this is YOUR day. I think you should tell your brother that you understand that maybe he wants to bring a "date", but that being surrounded by people you know & love and whom love you back is why you wanted something so small in the first place. You want your ceremony to be intimate and special with only those you love around you.

You shouldn't have to feel guilty about this, and he should understand. Remember that "guys" sometimes don't "get" these kinds of sentiments so maybe if you talk to him about it, he will understand your perception. Also remember he is only 20 - so another reason why he may not realize the significance of your request.

Just make sure that you are true to yourself on this special unforgettable day. Hopefully your brother will be sensitive to that and understand that your wishes are more important than his on this particular day.

P.S. Maybe your mother could talk to him about it too, as to not put you in the position to ruffle any feathers. The fewer things you have to worry about on this day, the better.

Answer 7

Tell your brother, no, she can come to the evening party, but not to the ceremony or reception.

Its not your familys responsibility to find her things to do while you are at the wedding.

I cant understand why your brother invited a work friend who has a boyfriend to the wedding anyway, she shouldnt be there, as i am sure you would rather pay for a close friend of your or your hubby to be rather than a stranger, who doesnt mean anything to your brother (as in shes not his long term girlfriend or like best friend from primary school etc )

Answer 8

stick to your guns.

Answer 9

You are not responsible for her lodgings.  Let your brother know this.  And if you don't want her, privately confront your brother on why she's coming.  Say you only wanted family and that by asking her without your permission put a strain on the situation and made it awkward for you to deny her.  If he thinks he can date her even though she's seeing someone tell him that he should find a way that isn't your wedding.  She's not welcome.

Answer 10

She needs her own lodging. You shouldn't be responsible for it. Let your brother figure deal with it. She probably won't come anyways

Answer 11

Stick to your idea of just family,this is your day do not let others spoil it,you have said she can come in the evening that is enough.Have a great day.

Answer 12

Whose day is it anyway?  Yours or your brother's?

His guest is going to inconvenience your family and you.

He should have never invited her before checking with you, so politely but firmly expalin that there are reasons for her not being able to attend - family only, having to stay over, her boyfriend and of course if he brings a guest others might want to.

Let him tell her no, it is his problem.

Answer 13

That does all kinda sound strange of him considering everything you said. When it comes down to it, its your day. But (so I have been told) apparently its a day about making both your families happy. Maybe there is a motivation behind him inviting her? If you can dig for this reason it might make your discision easier to make?

Answer 14

the boyfriend makes it sticky...

i don't really get that either. otherwise imagine being in her shoes. "I'm going to this wedding and i won't know anyone but my friend. i hope his family is nice!" there is nothing more awkward than going to an event where you are not really welcome. it is your day, and in the grand scheme of things what does it really matter if shes there? as long as she understands she shouldn't be in any photos, i think you shouldn't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 15

I think you are nice to allow your brother a guest.

You don't say how old your brother is or the girl  How is she going to travel to where you are??   Sorry but it is HIS responsibility to lodge her & feed her since she is HIS GUEST.

Explain this to him & let him make & pay for all the necessary arrangements.

Otherwise I suggest he tell the girl, no....which again is his responsibility, not yours.