Question:

Can you be a critic to my poem?

by Guest44778  |  earlier

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I am dancing here in this room, not alone

I can see you.

Like the river rapids, we realize how fast it has become

Like a waving feather

Like a quick drop of anguish that suddenly rocks your soul

Don’t be afraid, look at me,

My body and my soul, they are still here

You are giving my lungs air to breathe

Removing old and cold draught, like fog

You know you are stronger than me,

You are much wiser, older.

But now, I can hear your long wailing sounds of your uncertainty

You know that we are not allowed to fall like rivers on mountains

Or collapse like a branch unnoticed

We can only cry our sweet, similar tears in the rain

Together.

Because we don’t want anybody to see, or know

But don’t worry; the smoke hasn’t roamed in this room yet

I’ve checked.

And if I could only lock the doors to stop it from coming,

Using the keys of our joined hearts

you know I would.

So let’s keep on dancing in this room

Without stopping until the music itself stops.

until the music itself stops.

Let's keep our own time, without trembling,

Without worrying for what is to come

A darkening sky, wings that will loosen our grasp

Taking away the questions and mysteriousness,

Answering all questions,

Giving a finality.

When the wings come,

I will sing to you, and you will sing with me

We will keep on droning on and on and on and on

Until the music warns us that the track is coming to an end

And the sky above us decides it's time the dance finally stops.

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3 ANSWERS


  1. It has the physique. It just needs to be toned up a little. No "ands" or 'buts" unless it is a conjunction (Don't start a sentance with and or but). Otherwise, it is a beautiful and passionate poem.


  2. i'll give you 3 words: FAB - U - LOUS!!!

  3. very deep...and personal. i like it alot...who ever reads it can tell it was from the heart.

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