Can you be a responsible parent and drink every night?

Question

Welcome to my first ever question. I have just had an argument with a guy at work about this. Now, I'm not a parent myself. This guy is married and has young kids, and he's in his twenties. He tells me that he drinks 4-5 cans every night, had 9 last night, does it after the kids go to bed, denies he's an alcoholic, and doesn't see the problem.

I feel that this is wrong, and irresponsible. What if there's a problem with the kids, the house, anything? How can you react to a situation, drive anyone to hospital, be in total control, be there for your kids, if you're not sober? I don't have a problem with the occasional drink, but every night?

I'm inviting opinions on this. You won't change my mind, but I want to know how other people view this.

Answer 1

I agree with you.  He is an alcoholic.  It's not responsible because if one of the kids needed him, he wouldn't be avaliable.

Answer 2

Yea I think he is an alcoholic. I think it is very irresponsible. Its setting a bad example. No you can not be a responsible parent a drink every night

Answer 3

Personally, I don't think so. Being the daugheter of a dad who drink 3-4 bottles of cider, at least. every night. I think you will be affecting your kids more than you think if you drink every night.

Answer 4

I think he is being irresponsible. Is the mother there too? Hopefully shes staying sober.  If me and my husband go out to eat, only one of us has a drink. I dont like the feeling of even having one drink if im driving my daughter around.

Answer 5

The guy is not an alcoholic ,do you know the definition of an alcoholic ,it is some one that cant live with out drink,wakes in the morning needing a drink and wants to drink all the time and that is all he can focus on.

Yes 9 cans was to much but 5 cans works out at 2 pint glasses,i have a glass of wine every night does that make me an alcoholic

Answer 6

definately this is not a mature and responsible behaviour of a parent....drinking like this without any sense is just so crazy, not mentioning the bad influence it will have on the children!

Answer 7

I think that is terrible parenting and it affects the children in a big way! Even if he isn't the one looking after the children, having your parent drinking all the time is horrible. I can't remember most of my childhood just because I have blocked all the bad stuff out, ALL of which resulted from drinking. I know that I will never be drinking around my children, I went through too much pain to myself.

What's with the thumbs down? Im speaking from the childs point of view.. I know better then most of the people who answered. As for the person below who said it doesn't hurt the children, TRY LIVING IT!! It ruined my childhood.

Answer 8

I'd agree with you, now my bf and i have a young child and we have a drink at the wkend when our daughter is in bed, Sometimes we have drink in the week but if its a boozing night then only 1 of us will drink, incase anythig happens, If theres only 1 of us then there is no drinking, I wouldn't say he' alcoholic but alcoh-habbit, its what he;s used to.

The problem its not your life so you cant tell him what to do but leave it for a bit maybe he'll think about a nd change a little of his own accord.

Answer 9

I totally agree! He need some help and hes in denial. A drink ever once in a while is fine, but not every night. When my husband and I have a drink we take the kids to Grandmas....and that rarely happens.

It is wrong

Answer 10

Drinking 4-5 cans a night is most certainly not responsible parenting.  Sounds like he really needs that beer and he's a partier.  Pretty sad statement from someone who claims to be a parent.

You are right... it's very wrong of him to be doing so.  He's lacking quite a few brain cells if he thinks that this is appropriate.  It's sad that people are justifying his drinking 4-5 cans every night.  While he may or may not be an alcoholic, the need/want to drink 4-5 cans of beer a night does not make a responsible parent.

Answer 11

He's not an alcoholic!  4 normal sized cans is only about 2 pints.  By the time most men are in their twenties they can drink 2 pints a night without getting drunk from it.  I usually sit down with a glass of wine once my daughter is in bed and I am still perfectly able to look after her if she wakes up.  What if he had a broken leg?  He would not be able to drive anyone to the hospital then.  Would you say that people with broken legs should not look after children????

Answer 12

yes you can providing you stay in your limits and be alert for the kids sake

Answer 13

People can be Alcoholic and be responsible. By responsible i mean not driving the kids places when you are drunk, Don't go to school functions drunk, Don't drink when the kid has a Friend over, etc.

This guy is not a alcoholic. Even if he was if he can keep a job and wait until night to drink he is fine. Acholics don't wait until night to get drunk

Answer 14

first of all it's not really any of your business to comment on how he lives his life, you're not part of it.  He may have someone there living with him who stays sober for the kids.  Without knowing the full circumstances of his life, we can't really comment.

Answer 15

I agree with you and the kids will know what he is doing and will continue the trend when they are older. So many parents now are selfish and dont care what signals they send out to their children.

Answer 16

I think it's wrong too. He'll never understand the pain his kids are going through if he just drowns his pain away instead of confronting it. It's a bad example for the kids. Maybe it's not considered 'BAD' parenting by some because it might seem like nothing is wrong from the outside, but from the inside there will be a lack of family cohesiveness. Their kids will make more mistakes then others. He'll sometimes snap at his kids for no reason because he's hung over. The kids will not understand and if it gets any worse, he can doom his kids to make bad decisions in their life that they will forever regret.

But most people will blame the kids , but if you grew up in a broken home, how can you ever have a chance for a normal life?

Maybe this is too extreme, but the years of damage quickly add up

Answer 17

Firstly I have to agree that this guy is an alcoholic. He doesn't think so because many people are under the illusion that to be an alcoholic is to become drunk every night. This is not the case. Secondly it is irresponsible parenting to drink every night the kids will see this and think it is acceptable behaviour. Hopefully his wife is there and in full control of her actions.

Answer 18

I agree with you. If he is the sole carer for the kids then he has GOT to be sober- drinking every night is not on. (Even if he isn't the sole carer, what kind of example is he going to show to his kids, having beer cans all over the place, and boozy breath? ugh!)

Answer 19

No, that's not a responsible parent. He's an alcoholic in denial if he's drinking that much.

That said, if someone has half a glass of wine with their dinner every evening, or a small sherry before going to bed, they'd technically be drinking every night, but I wouldn't consider it irresponsible. So yes, it's possible to be a responsible parent and drink every night. But not while drinking the quantities you mention.

Answer 20

I clicked on this fully expecting that you were one of those that thought that you should never drink and or drink around kids.  Yes you can have a beer or even two and that is fine.  However 4-5 is excessive and you are drinking to get  drunk and or get a really good buzz.   If he is the only parent in the home then yes that is very irresonsibel.   I guess if his wife is preset then she can react but still he has a problem

Answer 21

He needs to mature and be a responsible father.He wouldn´t react if there was a problem....I agree with you completely.

I think he IS an alcoholic.Poor children.

Answer 22

if this was the case then 95% of parents would be irresponsible as at any time you are having a drink the kids could be ill or need you.....truth is the alcohol prob. keeps this dude sane....as long as the kids are looked after (sounds like they are as he is drinking after bed time) then its ok

Answer 23

I don't know really...I guess he could be a responsible parent but he definitely has a drinking problem...4-5 beer is enough to get drunk and 9 yeah definitely so he's an elkie in denial.

Answer 24

you can drink responsible when you have kids but shouldn't drink every night or your kids will only know the alcoholic

Answer 25

i do not believe this guy is an alcoholic...Man are much different than woman, my husband can come home from work have 4 beers and be the exact same person he was when he got home...Men like the taste of beer and for them it is more of a drink than anything...Of course he can still be a good dad!  As long as he's not an angry man, not beating his kids, than of course he can have a few drinks everynight and still be a good father....what does drinking have to with being irresponsible or ruining their kids lives!  Kids don't get hurt by drinking, they get  hurt by not getting attention, by getting hit, by getting screamed at, etc...not by seeing their dad drink a few beers!  And in this situation, they don't even see it...so I don't think he's being irresponsible, as long as his wife is home if anything happens...he shouldn't be drinking if he's the only one watching the kids.

Answer 26

How does he find the time?!  I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old.  My husband and I do have a drink on ocassion but only after the boys go to sleep and we only have time for one or two.