Can you be happily married and still have feelings for someone from your past?

Question

He's not an actual ex but someone I was emotionally and physically involved with. I talk to him occasionally but haven't seen him in several years. At times I don't know if I'm clinging to him or the idea of him. I would never physically cheat on my husband although I feel like I may have already been emotionally unfaithful. I love my husband but how do you shake feelings like that?

Answer 1

if you have a great communication with your husband sit down and talk about it  with him. he might have have a similar situation but is fraid to discuss it with you for fear that you would feel cheated on. thats how i shook my feelings for my ex.

Answer 2

yep. It is completely normal as well. It was a past experience that will always be a part of you. Human brains just work that way. Don't feel quilty about it cause like you have said it is a past that you will not go back to. The less you focus on it the less it will impact you psychologically. Give it priority and it will become prominent, but just accept it and move past it and it will just become a subconscious irrelevant part of your life.

Answer 3

Does it bug you that you can't have him, or just bug you that you think about him fondly?  If it's the former, it could be a problem, but the latter doesn't seem to bad to me, possibly because I do it.

Sure,  I'm happily married and I still think fondly of a couple people I used to date.  We were important to each other back then, and there was a lot of good stuff that happened.  I don't think it's important to dislike your exes or not care about them at all.  But I never forget why we broke up and why we couldn't have lasted.   It's over for a reason.  Take your trip down memory lane, but then take a moment to remember why your husband is the guy for you, and that old flame isn't.

Answer 4

what kind of feelings--if just as a friend, thats fine--but if ur talking a deeper, more intimate feeling, then its not too cool

Answer 5

Yes. There are some friends from my past that I would help in a heartbeat if they needed me.  

Answer 6

You need to extinguish all past flames when you commit to someone.  If you keep dragging this person around in your head you will never be completely devoted to your husband and your just lying to yourself and this marriage is a sham.  You are correct for having an emotiuonal affair you may not be in contact with this guy but your continually thinking of him is not good for your marriage or your psychological well being.  You have to realize what is important to you and your life you chose to let this other guy go and married the man your with so think about that.

How would you feel if your husband was carrying a flame for one of his

old lovers?.

You need to put this past c**p behind you move on and put some hardwork into your marriage and start showing living the vows you spoke of to your husband.

God Bless and Best Wishes.

Just by holding a torch for this guy makes the temptation of having a fling with him even more possible time to put the flame out for good..

Answer 7

just stop talking to him you cheating w***e.

Answer 8

I wouldn't sweat it.  Everyone has those "what if " moments.  Just don't act on it.  Especially avoid any situations where you might be alone, and drinking with the guy.  Like at a class reuinion.  It is a recipe for idiocy.

Make sure you keep working on your marriage, and don't let little disagreements or dissatisfactions eat you up.  Communicate and collaborate with you other half, and remeber how good what you have really is.

Answer 9

It s possible. I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 3 but before him my first love was his best friend and to this day I still think about him and wonder how things would've been different if I never introduced him to my best friend. She is what tor us apart. I love my husband very much have 2 kids with him but he can never stay out of trouble. Right now he is in prison til 2011. So yes thoughts and feelings of an Ex or first love it s very hard to shake those feelings. You NEVER forget your first love.

Good luck

Answer 10

you never shouldve kept in touch with the ex in the first place

and secondly, yes you are emotionally cheating on ur husband

u are married and u married ur husband for a reason, keep those reasons in MIND and cut off contact with the ex, its not fair to u or the ex or ur husband

just cut off the ex and focus on ur marriage

gluck!!

Answer 11

Sure you can. I have some nice memories of women who I still see. A permanent thing with them wasn't right at the time, that's all. A lot of that shared intimacy still exists, but it's never going to be more than a shared memory and will never affect my marriage.  

Answer 12

Concentrate on your marriage.  At some point we all wonder about people from our past.  Keep this guy in your past.

Answer 13

You love your husband.  I don't think you can expect to get everything from one person.  If you really want to "shake feelings like that", you need to end contact with this other person.  Spend time, your "friend" time with friends that are good for you and your marriage.  That is if you want to stay married.  All that glitters is not gold.   Good Luck.

Answer 14

You are supposed to marry the person you love, if you are unsure then you shouldn't get married.

Answer 15

Jen, unless you can find a way to share this with your husband...and you both come out of it stronger....then leave the guy in your past.  Everyone has fantasies...and "they" my dear are not wrong.  If you sometime let your mind wander when you are with your husband...if it makes the physical relationship between you better...then go for it...but don't bring the guy up unless you and your husband can handle it in an acceptive adult manner.  What would your reaction be to your "not an X, X if, your husband were the kind of man that said sincerely.....Ah, Honey....that's got to suck....thinking about a person that you were emotionally and physically involved with and you talk to occassionaly but haven't seen him in several years and you think you are yearing for him...Why don't you invite him over for dinner and drinks this evening and figure all this out?"  Would you be thinking about the guy even more?...or would he, based on your husband's attitude be a thing of the past?  Food for thought.

Answer 16

if your husband does not know about this than its wrong

Answer 17

I think it depends on what kinds of feeling you have for him. Your past is your past, and just because you get married, it doesn't mean that you erase all your memories, or that you forget about every lover you ever had. I had a long term relationship with a guy that I cared deeply about before I met my husband. I don't keep in contact with him because I don't think that would be healthy, but I can't say I don't care about him. I hope he is happy, and if I heard that something bad was happening in his life, I would feel sad for him. That doesn't mean that I ever want him back, or that I would ever cheat on my husband with him.....it just means that I remember him, and care about his happiness.