Can you be promiscuous and not enjoy s*x?

Question

My friend's sister (in her early 20s) is pretty promiscuous; especially one night stands after plenty of alcohol. She has a reputation of being great in bed, yet her brother told me yesterday she's unhappy, has major issues and doesn't even really like s*x! This made me wonder; is it really possible?

Answer 1

ok my take on somebody like her is that there is a possibility that she has been sexually abused when she was younger by somebody she craved affection from ... there may be a part of her that feels that she HAS to have s*x in order to get close to somebody ( even if it is just a one night stand)... the child within tells her that she *HAS* to have s*x if she wants to get affection as that was what was told to her as a child .

"I'm doing this to you because I love you"

Now THIS IS JUST A THEORY and may not be the case.. but perhaps suggest to your friend that they try suggesting to the sister.. if she is really unhappy... to get some counselling .. as there certainly seems to be some underlying problems...you wouldn't have to say to him what I think may be the cause.

Answer 2

Sure.  Maybe there's something she's lacking, and she's looking for it and not finding it.  She's trying to fill a hole in her life, but it isn't working.

Answer 3

Sure, s*x can be done for the wrong reasons.  I don't think someone who is bulemic necessarily enjoys the act of sticking a finger down her throat and tasting bile on a regular basis, but she does it to keep her weight down and therefore control her life and please people.  Maybe your friend's sister has low self esteem and is looking for someone to like or save her.

Answer 4

Yes, it's definitely possible. She would probably like s*x a lot better if she didn't have so much drunken s*x though. s*x is just one of those things that feels better sober (IMHO.)

Answer 5

Watch "Looking for Mr.Goodbar".  Diane Keaton.

Joyless s*x.  Not so uncommon.

Answer 6

People who have a lot of casual sexual partners, men as well as women, may be using s*x to replace genuine emotional connection with others in their lives.

The reason for this could be many things ~ from childhood abuse to physiological manifestation, and what may urge one person on is not necessarily going to affect another person at all.

The range of human behaviour around s*x is so broad, complex and diverse that it is ridiculous to say that anything at all is not possible, but in this case it's actually quite common.

Men and women who sleep around tend to feel they must be 'on show' all the time, put in a good performance and feel judged by their sexual behaviour. As, indeed, they are.

That's a far cry from relaxing with someone you have a genuine emotional connection with.

No wonder your friend's sister is depressed and unhappy.

Counselling can be really helpful for people who feel mtivated to treat themselves badly.

The link below is to an organisation which has helped many people talk through their problems and find sensible, practical solutions over time.

Best wishes :-)

Answer 7

She sounds like a real catch...

Answer 8

Yes, and I don't think it's *that* unusual. People get different things out of s*x. They can get the sense that they're desirable to others, a sense of connection (even if it isn't terribly intimate), a self-fulfilling prophesy ("I'm only good for a one night stand"), escape (particularly if she has to get drunk in order to do it) etc etc etc.

I suppose it depends what you mean by "pretty promiscuous". Does she have one night stands more regularly than your average 21-23 year old woman, or man for that matter?

Many women feel that to feel appreciated, one must have s*x. And sometimes it's the only way they achieve that sense. I don't think that she's definitely an abuse survivor, but I do think it's it's fairly possible that she has issues with self-esteem, and perhaps with affection.

Since there are many things one can get out of s*x, the actually *act* of s*x doesn't necessarily need to be important. It's quite possible for someone to be promiscuous, and not actually enjoy the s*x.

One thing's for sure though. The fact that her brother knows this is a very good thing. Hopefully he can support her, and perhaps occasionally point out to her every now and then, all of the interesting and unique things about her that he likes - If that appeals to him. You could too, if you feel close enough to her  ;-)

Answer 9

Just because you do something a lot, doesn't mean you like it...or even that you're good at it. I have a very promiscuous friend who has never had an o****m during s*x - she uses s*x to get men to like her (which doesn't exactly work, but that's why she does it)

s*x can be about more complicated things than simple pleasure.

Answer 10

She may be searching for something that she feels is missing in your life, and through s*x she is trying to find it because she doesn't know any other way.  Sometimes if a girl is looking for a father figure, she will have lots of s*x, trying to find a man to fill those shoes of her father, even if she doesn't know that is what she is looking for.  Or if she didn't receive alot of affection from home, she will turn to the "street" to find it.  The act is not what she is looking for, it is the companionship and the compliments she never got when she grew up or was growing up.  Cut and Dry, it is mental unstability.

Answer 11

yep. It sure is. I'm glad to hear her brother understands her. I hope you do to.

She needs some help.

If others treat her better she will soon learn the difference of what is good and bad treatment.

I think she's trying to hard to be liked and gets caught in the cross fire.

I little protection and oversight or perhaps a better way to put it damage control, can go along way for this girl.  She may not like it at first but others will think twice before taking advantage.

Answer 12

I knew a girl who would pick up a stranger, it made her feel good to be desired, the next day she would feel bad about herself becaues she slept with yet another stranger so she would pick up an other, to feel desired again.

Product of a broken home, she does love s*x though. Her mother is a rad fem so she has all these mixed up ideas about men love and s*x, sad really.

Answer 13

Of COURSE that's really possible.  It sounds as though her "acting out" may well be a sign of a psychiatric disorder.  The girl needs to be evaluated: she probably is suffering from major depressive disorder and can be helped with medication, and counselling if she needs it.  She may be suffering from other co-morbid mental disorders too.  She needs help, she needs treatment from mental health care professionals,  Please do what you can make her aware there are people who can help her.

Answer 14

My sister is the same way... >.< with exception to "great in bed". The things I've been told I really don't want to know. One guy said "She makes a starfish look like a pornstar" so O_O but I'm guessing from what they've told me she doesn't enjoy s*x at all. Just probably feels like she HAS to do it in order for them to like her. Supposedly she doesn't move, doesn't make a sound and closes her eyes - "like a corpse" uhhhhhh I don't want to think about it >.<

Answer 15

If she doesn't enjoy it, then why does she do it so oft?

Sounds like she isn't willing to admit to it.

It may not be the great s*x she really wants, or she may find more thrill in it as its with some different each time.

No matter how you want to view it, when her inhibitions are lowered by alcohol it seems shes happy enough with who ever shows they want it with her.

Now if we add the effect that a load of alcohol can effect memory.  And she does this. And she tells her bro that she doesn't enjoy it. Sounds like shes more mixed up than a fruity cocktail.

Edit - to wit, s*x has certain attachments to people, to some it equals affection along with physical feel good, to others they have numbed out a lot of physical due to their perspectives and are left with an exaggeration of the affection aspect.  Either way they still find a 'pleasure' in the s*x. Even if they have malaligned their associations to it. They still attain a pleasure, a pay off, to seeking of and acting it out.

Following that then comes three questions - why are they this way, how have they become this way and do they want to have things different to this way?