Can you be "friends with benefits" with your ex spouse?

Question

I am trying to understand this...

Two people are separated as their marriage was rocky, rocky, rocky...

What always held them together was this intense, physical relationship and electric chemistry. Genuine affection and immense unity, but fightfightfight and not able to work around that. No kids together - it was a second marriage for both and a blended family. Now they see why they should be apart, but is it ok they continue a physical relationship, don't date other people, and express feelings of love for one another?

Is this ok? What do you think of this?

Answer 1

If you are both single then why not. So long as when you do find another partner no one gets hurt and you break of the *s*x* with your ex.

Answer 2

I think it's great!  If my husband and I were to separate that would be the perfect scenario.  It sounds like they found what works for them.

Answer 3

I am a firm believer that being sexual with someone is part physical and part emotional.  To me, it's not nearly as much fun if you don't have your heart in it.  I know a lot of people may disagree with that, but I don't care.  Having s*x with a lot of true love behind it is one of the most amazing experiences a person can have.

Answer 4

Well its their life and their choice and if it works for them then more power to them.

Answer 5

No i dont think so they should just move on with their lifes and find somone else who can live with them without arguing with benefits and love eachother! it would be much healthier

Answer 6

sounds like a love, hate, relationship. might work-out for a while.  

Answer 7

normal? fairly.  understandable? definitely. healthy? probably not.

Answer 8

If that's what they want to do, that's fine...some people get along far better when they aren't living together. I don't know how emotionally healthy it would be for them expressing love, and having s*x, but not being together as a dating or married couple, but that's up to them...there's nothing wrong with it.

It's not uncommon for exes (typically dating exes) to become friends-with-benefits, but that's usually after the love is gone and they just desire a physical relationship they feel safe/comfortable in...and it usually ends when either begins dating someone else.

The couple should do what is right for them...especially since their situation isn't emotionally toying with any kids. If they had children it could make it hard on the kids to know they were close, but no intentions to live in the same home (with the kids) again...

Answer 9

I think it's fine and dandy but I doubt that you will be able to have an exclusive relationship - one of you is eventually going to venture forth into the world to date other people and it will be a big crushing hurt for the other person.

  You're just afraid to be out there dating. You're falling back on what's familiar, even if what is familiar was c**p when you were together.

  You can always find guys to date who will be passionate and intense and s**y and lousy partners to be emotionally involved with... why recycle the one you already know was a 'dud'?

Answer 10

no. that wont let you move on from your previous relation ship with him.  

Answer 11

poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another

do what you want, you dont need validation from anyone else about your relationship with someone

only thing i would suggest is to make the physical boundaries clear just out of respect for one another...if you start physical relationships with other people. its important to tell this person so they can decide whether to continue, so you don't take their health into your hands in a unilateral decision

Answer 12

sounds like a mess waiting to happen even if it is a strong relationship someone is going to get hurt in the long run

Answer 13

I don't see what's wrong with that.

Answer 14

As long as you both are playing with the same set of rules and agree to let the other one know if and when something changes, there's nothing wrong with a physical relationship.  Some people can love each other, but not be able to live together.  I saw a couple once on a tv show that bought separate houses across the street from one another and were married.  They claimed they loved each other, but that they could not live together due to personal quirks, ways of handling finances etc. so they opted for separate homes.  The woman also said that she liked the idea of every meeting they had feeling like "a date."  

He never had to see her first thing in the morning without make-up, she didn't have to pick up his dirty underwear etc.  They both claimed that separate-but-together made their relationship strong and kept their love for one another feeling "young and fresh."  This couple was in their 70's and had been married for years.

Answer 15

Why would you want too? I have always had a problem with this question. If someone I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, yes I would marry that person and yes we would have a physical relationship.... Now if this person and I separated and I knew it was not going to work out.... why would I want to go to bed with someone I am not going to remarry. If you are not good enough to marry, but you are ok to Fu#k.. What does that say about you? The only thing you are doing is making it easy to have s*x with you and anyone else he or she wants and does not have to worry about any consequences. I would say the other person made it clear of what they really think about you. I will leave with just one more word....AIDS... Why would you want to be with someone that is having s*x with who ever and you don't know what he or she is bring to your bedroom.

Good luck