Can you critique my writing?

Question

Well this is another attempt to write a short story, I have posted others and have gotten some great feedback. So I decided on posting another excerpt on here for some critiquing. What do you think of it? How well written is it? Do you find it interesting? This is only the very beginning of the story. It sets the tone, and how the story will be written. I'm really just looking to see how well do you think I write and what do you think of the atmosphere I set for the story. Thanks.

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The night grew darker and the chilling wind grew softer. It was a warm December, a December unlike most others. You’d suspect the winter to harsh at this time, not remembering how the sunny sky looks for months. With the summer’s passing, the tone of the days seem more casual then usual. The loss feeling you get for those sunsets that you remember getting lost in oh so often sets in. Some say they lose who they are in the winter, some even say they can not even recognize their own voice.

Answer 1

'Chilling wind' shouldn't be occurring in a 'warm December'.

Plus your grammar sucks. Don't use 2nd person, for starters, unless you really know what you're doing. Also, using 'oh so ____' is oh so pathetic. And finally the last sentence needs to be two.

Answer 2

There's a few minor details that need changing. Like did you mean 'to be harsh at this time 'instead of 'to harsh at this time'? Also I'd change the sentence- 'The loss feeling you get for those sunsets that you remember getting lost in oh so often sets in'. I'd rearrange it to be something more like 'The feeling of loss you get for those sunsets that you remember getting lost in sets in oh so often', though I still dislike the oh so bit as it's a bit cliche.

On the positives I like the content, and you create powerful emotions behind the idea of winter. Your description is also well written. You create a good atmosphere and I must say your writing overall seems very good! Well done!

Answer 3

The content is very interesting.  It makes me wonder who the narrator is and why he or she is affected by the winter in such a way.  The reader instantly develops an image of a person wandering around, philosophizing about life and finding deeper meanings in the mundane.

However, the chilling wind and the warm December thing threw me off.  It's very contradictory.  Replace all the "you" with "one," turning the text into 3rd-person point of view.  The grammar needs some work, so reread what you wrote and check for minor errors.  Also, make sure you stay in past-tense.  For example, "looks" should be "looked."  Switching from past-tense to present-tense confuses the reader.

Keep writing.  The anal people at Yahoo! Answers are here to help with the minor details, but only you can solidify your ideas into writing.

Answer 4

Sorry, I'm not into the flowery prose.

Too much metaphors just to say that it was a strange December.

In fact, "It was a strange December" sounds more interesting.

The line about sunsets is very confusing.

And I've never heard anyone say they lose who they are in winter.

Answer 5

its not perfect, but its gave me chills reading it

Answer 6

I like it. It kind of reminds me of Breathe by Anna Nalick. The line where she says, "I don't love him, Winter just wasn't my season." It somehow reminded me of it.

It's very good. It sets the tone well.