Can you critique these lyrics?

Question

Hey, my band wrote a song - well, me and the lead guitarist - and we were wondering if it needed any improvement. Anything that you think should be changed or taken out could be listen. Thanks in advance and any help is appreciated!

Flying away like a bat out of h**l

I start to wonder why I’m not feeling so well

Angels singing in my head, Demons wishing I’d be dead

Running away to find a better place

I don’t understand why I feel this way

All you did was push me away

So what if I was too d**n nice?

All I wanted to do was make this right

And When I asked how you were doing

Wanted to know who you were fooling

It must have been myself

Listen to the angels, listen to their words

Don’t know how the devil could hurt

Taking it all in, moving too fast

Similarities could never make this last

I don’t understand why I feel this way

All you did was push me away

So what if I was too d**n nice?

All I wanted to do was make this right

And When I asked how you were doing

Wanted to know who you were fooling

It must have been myself

Cast away the monsters

The angels have been thrown away

Because only I know exactly what to say

Wanting to know why you wanted it to end

Is it because you wanted to stop playing pretend

When I didn’t want to wake up from this dream

I knew it couldn’t go on endlessly

Now that dream has turned into a nightmare

Turn around and see that liar in the mirror

I don’t understand why I feel this way

All you did was push me away

So what if I was too d**n nice?

All I wanted to do was make this right

And When I asked how you were doing

Wanted to know who you were fooling

It must have been myself

Answer 1

that is very nice! it would take me a long time to come up with those lyrics. i tried to make up a tune, so it helped a little. you just need to make sure when you sing some of the words, you have to make sure they sound like they rhyme, because some of them are very close but really don't. nightmare and mirror is one example. but that should be a very good song. what's your band called?

Answer 2

its a little too straight forward, try to use more metaphors, thats usually what bands do in the kind of genre it sounds like you are.

the audience doesnt want to know exactly what the song is about, you have to be kind of like a girl, dont give it all away so soon, let the dude figure out what you want, hehe. theres a metaphor right there, dididili, i think ill give songwriting a try, lol...

Answer 3

very good song, though i dont think you should put your lyrics online...copyrighting issues..someone could just steal them

Answer 4

Lyrics aren't that important especially if they are screamo. Depends what genre you are into. If this is a ballad then there is a bit of naffness but if it's metal/rock and you have some A1 riffs then s'oright.

Answer 5

thats actually not half bad, congrats to your band.  

Answer 6

hey that actually a pretty good  song