Can you feel really unloved in a half-decent home?

Question

I've been reading an item by a woman now in her late twenties, happily married with a kid. From age 13 to early 20s she was promiscuous, drinking, attempted suicide, tried drugs, and all of it she says, because she desperate for love and approval. I knew the family back then and the parents did not appear nightmarish; quite strict, a bit anal, high expectations perhaps, but not alcoholics or child serious child beaters. She was, by the way, the eldest of 4 and very bright. So can it be true?

Answer 1

It's quite possible.  And it doesn't even necessarily have to have anything to do with her parents.  She could have a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance that made her feel that way.  When that happens, it's not anyone's fault, but that doesn't make her feelings any less valid.

Answer 2

Apparently she did feel a lack of love and approval.  So for attention she went thru a rebellious stage - alot of kids do it around that age.  Perhaps she felt somewhat stifled - went wild and got it out of her system.  You cant really know how she felt - even by wittnessing her family - if you werent there to experience it yourself.  Sounds like she has a good life now.

Answer 3

You said it yourself strict, a bit anal, high expectations.  A child is more likely to react badly to a standard that is so high that they think it is unreachable.  A lot of kids in that situation may commit suicide the fast way rather than the s*x, lies and drugs route.  

The oldest child has a lot dumped on them.  They do all the new stuff first.  First to have a new sibling, first to learn the house work, first to go to school, etc.  Its surprising we don't have child welfare laws designed for first children specifically.  

And yes you say very bright on top of that.  Poor girl probably had an anvil on her head most of her life.

Answer 4

Honestly, you can feel unloved in any home.

The woman you are talking about had parents that were strict and... well, aloof, and may have come across as cold to her. She felt neglected and tried to find love somewhere else.  

Answer 5

If she is a modern artist then she is probably looking for the sympathy vote.  It seems to be the popular thing to do to say what a terrible life you have come from so that the person can relate to the audience on what they consider to be their level.

Also, yes I suspect you can feel unloved in a half decent home but that can be because of your own nature rather than the people around you.

Answer 6

I think you can.... I know you can

I know I came from a decent home, I never wanted for anything and deepdown I do know that my parents love me.

Yet, at the same time, there were and are times when I would feel totally alone and unloved.

I acutally wonder if it is an Eldest thing (I'm the eldest of 3). The eldest tends to be the most self sufficient, left to get on with things while the parents look after the younger ones. But also, as my parents know admit... when I went through school they had no idea what to expect and I did it on my own. By the time the others came along they knew that alot were getting help with their homeworks, so they spent time with my brother on helping him with his homework. Subconciously, I think it does make a difference

Answer 7

Erm....I think it is a combination. Bright kid...full on parents...child rebels...oldest story in the book.

Answer 8

Well yeah, if the parents were strict and anal they were probably cold-ish towards her. And I'm the eldest of 3, we get a lot less love and parents expect us to grow up so much faster than our siblings, its not fair. The others always get away with more stuff and especially the youngest is always loved more because they are the "baby".