Can you give advice? Here is the situation and what I think.?

Question

My husband is extremely emotionally abusive to the pt of giving me panic attacks. He saids some of the most awful things about me, my mothering, and how I keep our home. We have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old post-colic baby. He has threatened violence also. I am truly doing the best that I can. Currently I am on maternity leave until work starts back in August. My husband is understandable upset about our financial situation and the stress of the babies. He saids that he feels trapped by me (translate by the kids). I've spoken to him several times about the affect that his ranting and raving has on the children. He doesn't know who his father is and in my opinion he hasn't really received the right upbringing from his mother. He is solely focused on his discomforts and what he isn't getting and how much time he doesn't have, etc. I see this as selfish behavior. I on the other hand will do anything for my kids. What will change this man or am I doomed to raise a 35 yr. old man?

Answer 1

Honey, you need professional help. I'm sorry. I went through the same thing, and ended up in divorce. I was 7 months pregnant with our 3rd child when I finally left him!!! I've seen your Q's before, (you're one of my contacts!) and it doesn't sound good.

Normally I do NOT suggest divorce, but you really need to consider it. Professional counseling!!!! Please!

Answer 2

What will change this man? Short of a miracle?  Medication or you leaving FOR REAL and meaning it until he gets his act together.  Seriously.  Been there.  Done that.  Just got through two years of it.  I finally left and when he realized I was dead serious he started seeing a psychiatrist for his depression and got on some medication.  You can't fix him.  He has to fix himself.  You need to remove yourself and your innocent children from this very volatile situation.  You are only doomed if you choose to stay.  No one is forcing you to stay and no matter how broke or sh*tty your situation is, it will never get better doing what you are doing now.  Remember this mantra:

KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND YOU'LL KEEP GETTING WHAT YOU'RE GETTING.

I'm not giving you this mantra to preach, this is what got me through the bad days and helped me make the hard decisions.

Answer 3

Wow, it's almost like I wrote it myself a few years ago. I was in an almost identical situation a while back, and it was miserable. I'm sorry to tell you that the abuse you're facing will only escalate, mine ended in very extreme physical abuse. Although every situation is different, mine was strangely similar to yours. In the beginning things were okay, and then the name calling and the ranting began. He, too, told me he was "trapped" and our two kids were something he didn't know how to handle and he was continuously dissatisfied with the housework. He was always complaining about me not working, or if I had a job how it made it harder on him, or that my job wasn't good enough (which, I typically made more money) He wasn't happy and everything was taken out on me. I had bad anxiety attacks and without even realizing had become very depressed. And then the physical abuse started. At the end of that five year relationship he had completely ruined my self esteam and ruined me. As a result, the kids were most definitely effected. Even now, I find it hard to show confidence in myself, but things are getting much better. My advice to you is to leave. It won't be easy, but I can promise you that your life, and the life of your children will be dramatically better than it could ever be with your abusive husband. Please leave... I feel for you, in every way, and I'm sorry to be so harsh. Good luck in everything you do.

Answer 4

Your husband is an emotionally abusive narcissist. In my personal experience, that doesn't get better ... you'll be raising him the rest of your life unless you get out. (And, even then, he'll find ways to continue abusing you for not taking care of him. It's h**l. But out is better than in.)

Answer 5

you sound like you already know what to do. You admit he is selfish and abusive. So why are you still with him? He is damaging you and your kids. Do you want your children growing up thinking abuse is okay? Your husband needs to stop blaming everyone for his unhappiness and seek help

Answer 6

I'm not sure you can change him or if you should stick around while trying.  The fact that he has threatened violence is good enough reason for you to get out of there before he does something to you and/or the kids.  It's your job as their mother to protect them.  He sounds immature because every parent knows that you have to sacrifice the things you want in order to provide for your children.  It's just part of having kids.  I seriously wouldn't wait on him to grow up. Your kids should always come first and in this situation, it doesn't sound like a very safe environment for them.

Answer 7

I will keep you and your children in my prayers. When it is safe for you , think about leaving.  Emotional abuse may soon lead to physical abuse. To you and the children.

Answer 8

leave him