Can you give comments for this poem?

Question

green web weaved

by spider of jealousy

transformed the heart

into a cold hollow cove

covered by deadly nets

trapping souls

with its' wicked ambition

in hapiness it finds anguish

in anguish it finds bliss

in bliss it finds wrath

in wrath it finds power

the final satisfaction

be not fooled

by this tranquil surface

underneath

swims the ferocious

covets, unfed

alluring green

color of a soultrap

who would've known?

Answer 1

Wow, I really like that. It has a good meaning and is easy to read. Keep writing, I'd like to hear more from you!

<3

~an average girl

Answer 2

that was very creative it is probably one of the best one ive seen

Answer 3

This is unique and darkly beautiful.  The imagery is very impressive and somewhat disturbing, especially because of the truth in your perspective of power and ambition.  Very powerful.  Thank you.

Answer 4

I think this is really good and its very creative.

Keep it up!

Answer 5

very very creative it was really really nice i loved it yuo should continue to write its wonderful i hope you post another 1 i would love to read more awesome

Answer 6

It sure is alluring, it had excellent vocab, keep up the good work

Answer 7

i think its great! nice job

Answer 8

Its very impressive, good choice of words and the poem's idea is mind-blowing... Keep writing =)

Answer 9

I think that its really good! Keep it up!

Answer 10

very good, very creative

Answer 11

brilliant

Answer 12

I'm not crazy about poems that anthropomorphize creatures to sell an emotion. I'll be fair though, and honest.

In the first stanza, the green and jealousy are too easily connected. The spider and web images are great, but the images then get a little too far afield for me to understand what you mean. "Cold hollow cove" and nets trapping souls" are fine images, but I don't know what they mean. That part needs to be a little more down to earth.

The second stanza is a list, and as such does little to move the poem. Rather, it kind of states what we are supposed to feel without giving us a real sensation to tie it to. For example, you write "in wrath it finds power." That's great--I know that that's true, but I'd rather you didn't tell me something I already know. Real good poetry allows the reader to discover that for themselves. Give an example. The only thing I can think of is an Elvis Costello song that begins with the line "He's out in the woods with a squirrel gun/trying to capture his anger." Not perfect, but it gives a bit of the literal and figurative language that lets the reader interpret it for themselves.

Never start a line with "be not" unless you are a knight of the realm.

In the third stanza, you had me until "ferocious covets." I understand that ferocious means to go after something like a predator, like a jungle cat eyeing a meal. but covets means to steal, so I'm lost.

This befuddlement continues in your last stanza, "color of a soultrap" means nothing, as does "who would've known?" I don't know what a soultrap looks like, so I can't imagine a color for one. And the question is too ambiguous to mean anything.    

I will say, I think you are very good with words and have a strong vocabulary. If you keep reading and writing, you're going to turn out to be quite good at this.