Can you give me any critique on my poem?

Question

Please follow the link, i'd post it on here but it is 10characters too long :'(

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic33768.html

Answer 1

I think if this had music to it, it would be very good. Do you know anyone with a guitar who could put music to it. I am not being patronising if you think that. I like it and to be honest, I feel if you got accoustic guitar behind it, it would sound great.

Answer 2

Wow. This was very good. I love it so much.

Answer 3

I Read this three times to get the right rythm to the verse. I Think it lovely,and meaningful.

Carry on the Good Work.

10/10 Well Done Poppet!

Answer 4

Honestly?

Its nice.  It has good intentions, however, its raw.  There's nothing exciting or clever about it, so it does not entirely captivate the mind nor is it a read which lures one deeper on.   There is no allegory, it is just plain and does not present any sort of depth.  It might help to read and read and read some more, works by other poets, especially "great" ones.  If you want something similar (i.e a "great" poem) then observe HOW they manage to do it.  Each one has their own unique flair, or style, or way of saying something simple, in a fresh, captivating way.  If you don't want a "great" poem, then don't change a thing.

That's my honest take.