Can you give me some advice please? second thoughts...?

Question

My fiancé and I both feel like, in our hearts, getting married is the best thing for us. However we're not financially stable so I'm having second thoughts. We're stable in our relationship, don't fight (just tiffs every once in a blue moon), we have never broken it off, cheated, or walked away from the other person in times of need, etc. And to put this thought at rest for some of you - my second thoughts revolve only around $$ issues not about him.

When you got married were you what you considered financially stable? If you weren't & could go back and do it over would you have waited? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thank you for your answers.

Answer 1

I know that you are looking for experienced advice from older people, and that a 15 year old girl's word isn't what you want. But, you're answer drew me in.

The truth is that most young couples are financially unstable. But why put something on hold that you and your significant other want to do? Why wait any longer if you already know that the right person for you in right in front of you?

Yes, it's not going to be easy. Have a small wedding and live within your means. There are going to be rough spots, but that's life. You can't put the things you value on hold until whenever. Because that whenever might not come.

Marry him. If the love is there and you're both working and living modestly, things will fall into place.

Maybe I'm green or silly or just young, but I believe that you can make it work. So, why not now?

Answer 2

You're always going to need help from family...ALWAYS...don't doubt that, but if you're going to get married, you need to be able to cover rent, food and the bills between the two of you.  You don't need to be able to buy a house or a new car, but you need to feel like an adult who can take care of yourself before you get married.  My husbands brother came home from his wedding and he and his wife went back to sleeping on his mother's couch.  But he's another story all together.

When your parents give you away at your wedding it's about letting you go, letting you go into your own independent life where you take care of yourself.  That feels pretty weird if they're still supporting you.

Another tip:  If money's tight...CHEAP OUT!  On your wedding I mean.  A hundred years ago a wedding meant everyone in town going to church to watch the bride and groom take vows in their Sunday best.  Then they all had tea and cake.  And went home.  There is nothing wrong with that!

Answer 3

Don't let money stand in your way. My wife and I weren't particularly financially stable when we got married - in fact I went to Teachers' Training College not long after we married.

you love each other, obviously, so go for it !!!  Btw, we will ahve been married 27 years in December.

God bless you

Answer 4

She's 15, I'm 28 and my parents are 48 and 51. Age doesn't matter when it comes to love and neither does money. My parents were 21 and 24 when they got married. My dad was a struggling plumber and my mom didn't havea  job, and had a 1 year old (me). They've been married 28 years. I'm getting married in October and am in debt. My fiance isn't but he has no credit (younger than me) because he's never had a credit card. Life and marriage are what you make of it. If you work at it and communicate, it shouldn't matter when you take that next step in your relationship. Financial stability comes with time, and so does wisdom. Good luck!

Answer 5

I kinda don't understand how getting married will change things financially. Obviously there's the expense of the wedding, but other than that, what should change?

You obviously love and understand each other a lot, and that is the most important thing on this world. Money comes and goes. There are a lot of rich, unhappy people in this world because they haven't found love.

If you don't want a cheap wedding, then just wait a few more years and save up some more. My theory is that if you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, you can wait a few more years to get married because it really doesn't make much difference, unless of course you don't believe in living together or having s*x before marriage.

Some of the most beautiful weddings I've seen have been at home, with just close family and friends, that have been simple and romantic.

I think that too often these days brides focus too much on the wedding and not on the marriage, and the whole purpose of the wedding can be lost in all the superficial c**p that goes along with a big white wedding. You're so worried about the cake, the table settings, the catering, the flowers, your 15 bridesmaids, etc etc that you lose focus of what the day is really about - your marriage.

So really, money doesn't count for much. What's soooo much more important is that you've found a man you can spend the rest of your life very happily with.

Love is so much more monumentally important than money.

Answer 6

I would say my fiance and I are okay financially, but things could always be better in that area!!  But we are getting married anyway.  We don't see money as a reason not to.  My father offered to pay for what he called "the wedding of my dreams".  But my only dream is to be his wife, so we are getting married in a courthouse with our family and close friends, then having a reception party at his mother's house.  The marriage license is $55 and we have to tip the judge, other than that, it's not costing us a thing.  And even if we couldn't have the reception at his mom's, we would have just gone out with everyone at a nice restaurant.  The marriage is about the two of you legally committing to one another.  Don't make it be about money!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH!

Answer 7

money isnt everything in life. i just got married a few weeks ago and i just got off of maternity leave a month before we got married and trust me thos pennies dont help out much. my husband makes a check big enough to pay for bills every month and food on the table and diapers for the baby and we spent $4000 on our wedding and now hes back at work and im at home taking care of our son. all you really have to do is just sit down together and write down all the things you spend in 1 month. then cut out the things you dont really need and put the money some where else where you do needed, or go buy some jars from the dollar store and label them, BILLS, FUN TIME. and so on. another thing my husband and i do is every time we go out and spend money we write it down that way at the end of the month we can see what we wasted our money on.  we are not considered financially stable, but we get by and we are happy.