Can you guys boost my morale?

Question

I'm an 'unschooled' 15-year old who's going through a bit of a rough patch. While I support unschooling, it doesn't work for me and my current situation is what I would call educational neglect. My mom and sister always fought when we were more traditional early on -though I liked it- so she ditched that. I don't want my mom to be my teacher any more, but I'm 100% in charge of my own education. My mom thinks it's great, I think it's a huge load of stress. She doesn't make sure I'm doing anything, she doesn't give me any framework, she doesn't mind that we're lying to the BoE. None of this is going to change, and she has a lot of self-confidence issues that keep her from really talking about it. When I brought up an online school, she started screaming about how impossible I am, and she's tried everything, and locked herself in her room. My home life kind of sucks in general.

I've fallen behind on my self-imposed schoolwork schedule and that's gotten me really down. Anyone have any ins

Answer 1

<<<<Ignore your sister!!!!>>>> ***** So, forget the part about ignoring your sis or your family and think about finding a proactive way to move forward with goals.  Plans are made to be broken -- but when one falls apart just make another --- keep moving forward.  What do you think about the OTHER ideas in all of the messages you are receiving?  What about this one--- focus on the basics.....*****

OMGoodness.... don't let your sister's lack of motivation get in your way.  Lock yourself in your (your mom's?) room with your books and study for your own sake.  Don't let your mother's fear of success become your stress.

I strongly support having a method and a plan -- there's nothing wrong with an unschooler having a goal and a direction.  

Take a look at www.robinsoncurriculum.com  it is all about a self-teaching method of education that will be very workable for you.

You already know where you are at with your math skills.  Get a Saxon math book with an answer key at the right level for yourself.  Do ONE complete lesson every day (Mon. thru Fri or even on Saturday if you will).  Check your answers and rework every equation until you can do it correctly.  Aim high --- plan to get 100% accuracy by the time you are done with each lesson.  If you get 95% accuracy the first time then go ahead and move to the next lesson.  You can study this way all the way through Calculus -- there is every reason why this should work well for you.

Write a full page compelling essay every single day.  If you know anyone that is willing to read it and critique the grammar, spelling and format then send it to them (email or however you can get it to them).  Otherwise just write, write, and write -- the practice will be an amazing process and you will notice progress over the course of weeks.  Read your own writings out loud and see if you like the way it comes across.  Read it into a recorder and play it back.  

Read the best books for at least 2 hours every day.  Reading is the most important part of education.  You need good reading skills to understand a math lesson and also to write.  The things that you read will have a great impact on the clarity of your own writing.

If you follow the simple steps of 1, 2, 3 you will find that it is easy to continue and you will be able to follow through.  If a day comes along and you have to be busy with a family activity or something else you can always step right back into the place you were the next day.

1.  Saxon math lesson, check it, re-do it and get it ALL right.

2.  One page writing (or more if you find yourself with plenty to say!)

3.  Two hours of reading -- or more if you are interested. (keep a dictionary handy to keep up on new vocabulary words)  

The 1, 2, 3 steps of self-teaching will easily take between 4-6 hours of your day.  The remainder of the day can be used for activities, hobbies, jobs, chores, field-trips, sports, etc.  

The self-teaching method has worked very well for many graduates of home-schooling and it actually is a "close cousin" of un-schooling.

Self-teaching is the best way to learn math --- even for regular home-schoolers!  

Self-teaching writing works too.  You might want to get a grammar book to go through lessons just in case you want to polish up your skills.

Selt-teaching reading is great --- of course you really don't want someone reading aloud to you at age 15.

Be sure to study vocabulary --- it will be a very good friend to you especially if you decide to take the college SAT or ACT.  And even if you don't.  Many jobs and careers will be open to you when you are a self-educated and well studied employee.  

Start yourself on a path of learning that will remain with you for your lifetime.  Everything you learn now belongs to you forever.  Every study habit that you develop now will help you to learn new things all along the way.   You can use the skills you obtain to take you through college or into a great job.

Answer 2

Wow, honey, I feel for you! What a tough situation for you.

Let me say something: you need to work on *you* more than you need to work on your education. Go to the library and peruse all the psychological/self-help literature. Take out things like "The Secret" (both the DVD and the book), Creative Visualization, Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield and others. What is going to make the biggest difference in your life 10 years from now is not if you manage to stay on your self-imposed schedule (which just may need some re-tweaking, or you may need to give yourself an honest to goodness vacation for a little bit--it's that time of year!) nor if you managed to learn everything you think you need for college, but how you feel about yourself, your vision of your life and future. Take care of your sense of self.

And try to learn to separate yourself from the craziness around you. When I was about 15, I went into a major depression, in part because of the thoughts I had about the craziness I had to live with. Learning to separate myself from the craziness around me, seeing it as having nothing to do with me and just going about my life the way I felt was truly best. I couldn't change those around me, but I could change myself and see things differently, or at least refuse to look at that which brought me down. Whatever craziness other people presented I just reminded myself that it was how THEY were and it was part of THEIR problem, not mine. I didn't let myself get caught up in it.

I have another recommendation: find yourself a mentor. This might be a fellow homeschooling student you can turn to--maybe even an unschooler--or maybe a homeschooling parent or some other adult where you live. Somebody you can turn to who will help support you in your endeavours and bring some stability into your life. Ideally, this would be somebody you could get out of the house and go see, somebody who can look at your work even if they can't really evaluate it. If that's not do-able, then even someone online who is willing to listen, willing to give some of their time regularly to be a support.

ADDED: Actually, there is a way to ignore your sister while still listening to her. Sounds strange, doesn't it? It means that you hear her feelings for HER feelings. They've got nothing to do with you, though, no matter how much she might say "you" or your name. This is what I meant by "separate yourself"--not physically, but mentally/emotionally. Get it so clear in your mind what you want for yourself in life (education, college, etc.), and do it. Work hard on having all the bs bounce off you. Think of it a bit like how it was for Malcolm X: he was in prison, uneducated, could barely read and in that hellish existence, took a focus for what he wanted for himself in life--an education--and did it. It's a type of focus that keeps everything else out, even if it's physically there.

Keep yourself tied to what's really important to you and let go of all the stuff that's bringing you down. Sticking to your self-imposed schedule truly isn't that important; business projects and the like often have to have original schedules change due to various factors that come into play. That's life. It's worthwhile to attempt to stick to a schedule, but we should not be so attached to that as an outcome that we get down about not following it. It might not even be the right kind of schedule for you and needs to be tweaked.

Say to yourself and know in your heart that you deserve a great education and a great life, and that you will not let anybody take that away from you.

Answer 3

Despite your vulnerable situation, you seem to be doing something to resolve your difficult situation. I applaud this. I've know people like you, who have managed to get a high school degree despite their situation like absentee parents, no transportation, and god-knows-what. If you can find someone in the school system, that can be a tremendous help - counselor, equity director, etc. In some rare cases, I know of an educator, who took in a student, who was kicked out of his home by his parents. The student was over 18 but still in high school. Some schools offer free tutoring services for classes; if you have learning disabilities or difficulties. There is help there. Finding it can be difficult, but do not lose hope and realize you are not alone.

Answer 4

I have met a lot of parents who unschool their kids, and have never met one that would get upset because their child wanted to do school type activities.  Your parents must be a little... uh... unusual.

Would you be willing to consider asking about the on-line schooling again? Be calm and just tell your mom you want to talk to her about something.  Then just tell her that you feel much more comfortable with structure, and would like to have more of it.

If she freaks out, maybe you should just keep up with what you are doing for now, and plan to go to community college when you are old enough and fill in the gaps in your education.

These websites might be some help:

http://www.free-ed.net

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/online_hs.h...

http://www.uccp.org/index.php?option=com...

http://www.highschoolhub.org

EDIT---EDIT---EDIT

Here is one more link I forgot before:

http://www.homeschoolersofmaine.org/high...

Answer 5

Tell her you want to go to a traditional school next year. I'm sure she'll understand.

Answer 6

"So, mind helping your resident neurotic teenager?"

You don't sound neurotic. These are real problems that require real solutions.

You could turn you mom in anonymously or you could call next week SPRING BREAK and take a break to re-evaluate what you are doing and what you are attempting. It is no small task to educate yourself. I honestly think that as important as education is, your family is more important. Try to talk to your family about your concerns first. Do it from love, not blame (even if blame is warranted). We don't pick our families and sometimes you just have to accept that their best will always fall short. Until you've tried to salvage something though, do not give up. I'll bet your parents have secret concerns too and wish they had answer. I think all families can benefit from counseling when times get tough. You could ask for family counseling. As far as education goes, forget motivation. Just do it. Set a schedule and stick to it as best you can. do not beat yourself up if you fall short or if no one notices how well you are doing. Just keep plodding on. Be sure to give yourself breaks and to follow some interests just for fun, not because they are required.

Good luck, hon. My heart genuinely goes out to you. If you'd like my email, drop me a line.

Answer 7

That is a sad situation.  If you really feel that you need a better education and talking to your mom is not working then maybe anonymously report her to the truant officer in your area?

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big supports of Homeschooling but I am not a supporter of parents who cannot teach their kids properly.  Education is an important thing and if the parents aren't capable of teaching their children then they should send them to school.  There is a reason why we have teachers, if children were capable of teaching themselves by reading textbooks alone then there would be no reason for schools.

I hope your situation gets better.  Good luck.

Answer 8

*Sigh*

This one of the many reasons why I think homeschool/unschool is bad....

=)

Answer 9

Well, Thrice Blessed, HSmomlovinit, Glurpy, & Barb have already said so much that's great advice, I don't know what to add.

I do want to "second" the advice to get a mentor.  Not only someone you can bounce ideas off of, but also someone to be accountable to.  This could be a relative, another teen, a young adult, a church official, a HS'ing mom, someone trusted online...anyone.

By accountable, I mean someone other than your parents to "answer to" and keep you focused.  You already seem very mature (you have to be in your situation!), you just need a bit of "boosting" as you asked for.  Basically you need a cheerleader, and I'm sooooo sad that your family can't be that for you.

Someone mentioned a persuasive essay.  I would do that about your HS'ing desires and present it to your parents.  You could make it "official" by comb/sprial binding it and signing it.  See if your parents would be willing to enter into a "contract" with you about what you want.  You commit to doing your part and sticking with it, if they commit to allowing you (and supporting you - but not sure that's gonna happen).

I don't know if you have any spiritual faith at all (in any religion), or if you do, if that's squashed by your parents also, but perhaps you could attend some church's youth groups.  Most meet on Wednesday and Sunday nights.  You don't have to be a member of the church, and most of the activities are just great fun, not neccesarily teaching you the beliefs of the church/religion.  It just would help a LOT if you could hang out with other teens and meet people you could trust.  If a church doesn't work, what about a homeschool group?  Are your parents against that also?  See if they'd allow you to attend a co-op or outside supplemental class - a bio or chem lab, a drama group, a reading club, etc.

Hang in there and let us know how it's going, okay!!!!????

{{ HUGS }}

Answer 10

Would your parents allow you to take some science at a local co op or community college?  You still have plenty of time to get it in, and tuition rates are generally very reasonable.  This way, you're still responsible for your education, but you can choose the classes and instructors.  Your mom needs to understand that unschooling doesn't mean that you never take an outside class - it means that you're not so tied to books that you can't use other options.

If your mom won't let you take an outside course, you really may want to look into Apologia.  I know you've stated that you're not Christian, but it really does a great job in explaining both the concepts and the actual functions in every branch of science.  It also explains both the creationist and evolutionary theories and points of view.  You could easily expand the creation parts into a comparative study of the two views with materials from the library.  Apologia is written in conversational language, but it goes deep into the subjects.  It also has CDRom supplements with animations, video and virtual labs, etc.  I do know several non-Christians who use this with success.

As far as history - I really recommend TRISMS.  It's not tied to any one worldview, and though it does have a secular-biblical timeline in the back of the manual, that's just for reference.  It's a framework to help you research and read your way through history, geography, the history behind math and science, and more.  It also has lit analysis and several types of writing built in, and it's meant to be done independently.  Your mom should like the independent part, and you should like the strong structure in the lesson plans.  They give you tons of options for resource materials, but they tell you what to do and when for each unit.  (It's broken up into 2 week units throughout the school year.)

I hope that helps?

Answer 11

....(sigh) this is very sad....

In every down, we should learn how to stand up and be brave to face our Personal and Emotional problems! Don't be in despair, since you're studying hard, you'll be abled to look for a better life! Be strong enough to face this challenges, trials, and hindrances!

Even you're an unschooled.. there will be opportunities just waiting for you to grab it! Just walk( referring to looking..ex read newspaper and etc..) and observe... you'll see them!

As to your Mom, try to understand her, but be cautious to yourself... you may found yourself so hopeless! Try to talk to her, don't be afraid to show your true feelings! You may not know what's going to happen.... she'll understand!

And never forget to pray!... May our Lord be with you....

Answer 12

I sympathize with you, and while I cannot offer you a solution besides taking online classes, I would like to tell you that you can rise above this.  It may seem impossible at times, but you CAN succeed.  Work hard and never give up and you'll have a wonderful future!  The fact that you're taking Bio. and going to add Chem. shows that you're motivated and willing to try and I applaud you for "taking the ropes" with your situation.  It takes a lot of courage and strength to do what you're doing.

Have you ever read the story of Liz Murray?  If you haven't, in short, she's a girl who went from being homeless to Harvard.

I was trying to find a link for you with her story, and the best one I found was this: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.ht...

It may be difficult, but it's always possible to overcome a difficult situation.  I wish you the best of luck with everything!