Can you help me be a better mom??

Question

I consider myself a very good mom. I give lots of love and time to my kids. I have 2 boys aged 41/2 and 3. My biggest fault is that I can anger easily which usually results in a tap on the had or a swat on the bum. This is such learned behaviour. My dad didn't have any patience and I don't want to be like that. Can you share tips on how to keep calm? Thank you

Answer 1

I to have 2 children a 6 and 4 year old. My 4 year old is always in trouble.  I send her to her room or put her in the conner.  Sometime my husband and  I  do swat there bums when they  don't listen.  I also lose my patient with them and get anger very easily with them.  What I do to stay clam is  clean the house to keep myself from losing my patients with them and let them be by letting them play in there room/rooms or let them watch TV/

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

it's a good way of discplining a child.

putting ur hands on them did not make u a bad mom.

kays back to ur qusetion.

try clenching your fist and count to five or ten, while taking a deep breath. inhale from ur nostrils and exhale through ur mouth.

hope it helps.

=)

Answer 3

Just try your best to remember that they are just kids, and really don't fully know any better yet.  I'm sure you didn't like it much when your dad lost patience way to easily and hit you.  Remind yourself of that every time your kids start to slightly annoy you.  I think with time you can break your old habits. Good luck!

Answer 4

Theres a difference between giving a smack when its needed and when its not. Theres also a difference between belting (or bashing) your child and giving a smack. The line is not as fine as people make out. You know if you have gone overboard and smacked to hard. I'm a firm believer in giving a child a tap on the hand of bottom if they are missbehaving. Thats the problem with children these days...why they are so rebellious and rude..because too many people think smacking is child abuse. and its not. you are boss, not your child.

My best advice is if you think you are going oveboard or are going to go to far. walk away. if it means walking out of the house and up the street. Do it. If it means you have to call someone to vent your frustrations..do it. When i get angry with my son and i think i'm too angry to deal with the problem i put him in his bedroom, Then i get some time to calm down and so does he.

Every mother gets angry from time to time. But try not to let your boys see that they are pushing your buttons. Try to stay calm infront of them. I'm sure you are a great mother, a bad mother is someone who leaves their kids in dirty clothes, doesn't bath them, doesn't feed them, ignores them all day while she does what SHE wants to do.

So try not to think such bad things about yourself because your boys will pick up on it.

Goodluck!

Answer 5

I think the best method for being calm is the count to ten method.  I have the same problem.  I have four children and I was raised in a house by a mother who had NO patience...still doesn't.  I stuggle every day to be a good mother to my kids but that is my main issue to.  When I walk away and count to ten it works, I just haven't perfected the walking away part.  It's so hard to remember when your that frusterated.  I'm an at home mom so I don't get breaks from it.  Time out works but UGH consistency is another one of my issues.  lol

Answer 6

The age old trick: Count to 10.

Answer 7

Don't get yourself in this situation, if you feel anger building this is when you should either go into another room and let the anger subside. It helps with me when my daughter won't stop crying, I leave the room, become calm again and then deal with the situation.

Answer 8

there is nothing wrong with keeping your children in check however if you feel out of control one day it possibly could go to far. If you feel this is a problem for you seek out parenting classes in your area and find a few ways for you to try and cope with the everyday stress of parenting, Children will try your nerves at every turn as they are exploring boundaries,the key to it all is to remain composed and NEVER let your children see that they rattle you.  another technique is to take several deep breaths and gather yourself   count to 5 before you decide to spank or slap on the hand and in that time decide if it is really necessary. or if it is knee jerk reaction, from a learned behavior,

I am NOT judging you as a parent it is a full time job with lots of twists and turns that can some days drive you to the point of insanity,

Best wishes

Janice  

Answer 9

just remember even Mommy's need a time out so get your boys doing something they like and go and take a breather in the next room  

Answer 10

when you get mad or upset send your child to another room or you go to another room then come back and tackle the situation calmly and appropriately

Answer 11

To start, don't be so hard on yourself.  Being a parent is a hard job!  Parents have to think and act on their feet, and that's not easy to do.  I started to feel like I was stressing out a lot myself.  I used to be able to get things under control with 'Time Out' but it seems to have lost its flare.  My friend referred '1,2,3 Magic' to me.  It's a quick read that seems to get a great response from the kids.  The great thing about it:  it works in public, as well!!  Keep your cool in public - what a concept!!

In the meantime, if you can't get the book right away, give yourself a break.  Before you feel like you're going to explode, leave.  Go to a different room, go outside, lock yourself in the bathroom - do whatever it takes to give yourself a 'time out' before reacting to what is driving you crazy.  

Another way to just change their behavior to being more positive:  start a positive reinforcement chart for them.  Buy stickers and give them a sticker by their name when you think they're doing something good.  Their attitudes will change and they will try to do what they can to make you proud.  Though you may be tempted to add a 'bad list', don't.  Focus on the positive and the negative will take care of itself.

Answer 12

It's very difficult to keep your cool when kids are misbehaving (I would know I'm a teacher) but just as a teacher is not allowed to lay her hands on a child, so should it be for the parent. Keep your anger under control in whatever way you can. Breathe deeply, hit a pillow, do some push-ups, do whatever it takes to avoid physical abuse. I believe in positive reinforcement, but peaceful negative reinforcement (taking away the TV when your child is behaving badly) is better than physical harm.

Answer 13

Just leave the room when you find yourself losing your temper.  Go take a few deep breaths and when you feel in control of yourself, go back in the room and give them a more reasonable disciplinary action if you still feel it necessary.

Answer 14

count to ten, remove yourself from the situation, just take a deep breath!! violence never solves anything.  if you continue this your children might be the same when they have kids.  leave the violence in the past.

help?

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Answer 15

If you should find yourself losing your patience then step away from the kids, go outside, and just get away. Breathe take a time out. Then go back in once your calm, and talk in a normal tone voice...they are more likely to listen to you, rather than if you were to scream.

Answer 16

um, time-Out, perhaps?

Answer 17

You are exactly right that it is a learned behavior. I had the same problem. My step dad used violence on us, so even after saying for years I would never do that, I found myself smacking them in the back of the head or on the rear. I went to parenting groups which helped a lot to hear I wasn't alone and also to individual/family counseling. It is nice to talk to someone about the way you were raised and it helps you to keep from doing the same to your kids. Also, I found out in my college classes that a "tap on the head" or smack in the face is the most degrading action a parent can do to a child and can cause a great deal of mental and emotional issues in children. After hearing all about that damage so to speak, I quickly dropped the smacking of the head, not to mention the brain injury that can occur from even a slight tap. I speak from experience and you can make it better. They are young and you can work through it, but if you don't get your anger under control, they will pick it up as well.

Answer 18

I Most Certainly Can, Yes if they are behaving badly it is necessary to give a tap on the tush. But you must make sure that you give the a warning before doing so. If they do something bad you have to give them a warning before putting them in time out or taking a privledge away.

Hope That Helped You

Answer 19

Yes I can understand it is not easy.  Think that there will be a time where they will want to be far from you.  Not because they do not love you it is a natural grow process.  They grow so fast that, people tell me all the time and I did not understand until now that i wish they are 4 or 3 and I think that I should been a more patience mom.  

Answer 20

welll its normal to give kids like little swats on the butts when theyre bad. its called spanking lol. but take a deep breath if they do something to make u angry. and if u feel like u cant be calm when the actual situation is going on then wait until u calm down and then confront the problem. trust me ive learned alot from watching my mother  

Answer 21

Take some parenting classes that can help you learn new techniques to deal with behaviors. 1 2 3 ... Magic is a pretty good course, especially with your children as they are. On top of that I would try some time for yourself to help you defuse tension: read a book, get a massage, take a hot bath, lunch out with your friends (kid free), etc. You can also count and leave the room to calm yourself.

Answer 22

Yeah.....remember that your children are a gift and need to be treated as such.  

Let them know that you are upset, but use stern words and not the hand to teach them.

You don't want them to turn out to be violent people in society who hurt others.

Answer 23

just remind urself always and have some other sort of stress reliever around u whether its a pill or like a squishyt small hand sized ball kk =]

Answer 24

Haha, are you kidding?  You have 2 boys at the toughest age possible and are doing a GREAT job.  A swat on the butt is what these kids need.  Not sure of the "father" situation in your house, but he shoud be doing more of this swatting.  We all become our parents, to a point... don't worry about that.

I'm serious... the last thing you want to be to these kids is their friend... they NEED you to swat them every now and then.  Keep up the good work and drink a glass of wine! You are raising citizens of the universe.  Thank you.

Answer 25

You could do the cruddy stuff like deep breathy and count to 10. Or hit a pillow or curs under you breath.

Answer 26

1. Shut off any external noises (like the television, radio).

2. Use a somewhat low voice (like you're in church) to get their attention. Children are funny about what they choose to ignore. If you whisper "spanking" they will pretend to ignore it, if you whisper "ice cream", they will respond. Try it. You'll see.

3. Once you have their attention, get on their level (eye to eye).

4. Tell them what it is that has upset you by using words that you own. "When you scream like that, child's' name here, it hurts my ears." This puts the responsibility of the action you dislike onto the child.

5. Ask the child if he/she understands. Then tell them what consequence to expect next time it happens or give them an alternative to their action or change their activity.

6. If it happens again, repeat the above steps with the consequence you told them to expect.

7. Repeat as necessary.

It is my experience that spanking teaches kids that it is okay to resolve conflict with violence.

Don't be overwhelmed by the advice your are reading. Choose what is best for your parenting style.

Answer 27

think about the situation everytime you get mad...think about the way you were treated and how you dont want that for your kids

im only 16 but i understand...my dad never hit me but he has a very short temper and yells a lot...he is a great dad though and whenever he yells i just yell back that i will never treat my kids the way he treats me

Answer 28

If their bad they deserve a swat on the bum. My mom SPITS in my mouth go to your doctor and ask acout zoloft its a crazy its not spelled correctly but it sounds like zo loft thats y i spelled it like that.

Answer 29

Two things:

They say we become our parents when we have kids - be mindful of that. It doesn't mean you HAVE to be.

2)  Think about why you hit your kids. Is it because of your pent up anger and resentment? Sounds like it.

You need to use timeouts.

Think about the reasons you do the things you do. Are they good reasons or does your behavior need to change. It's not a 4 year olds fault.

Answer 30

you can only teach yourself how to be a better mom.

No BullShit

Answer 31

I feel the same way with my son. Counting helps a little. Maybe read 1-2-3 Magic.

When they are doing something irritating or bad,

count 1, 2, and then on 3 there will be a consequence. give them a chance to get in shape themselves. good luck