Can you help me help my daughter when it comes to her very wealth step-sister?

Question

This is my second marriage. There are 2 children from my previous. One from his. His lives with her mother. Mine live with us. We live on my husband's property, in a family home. We rent. When the step-daughter comes to visit, everything is good at first. She chooses to stay at her grandfather's next door. Around 24 hours in, all my daughters hear is "my new Juicy Couture dress this, our trip to Aruba that, my private school this, my designer that." My daughter was tickled that she had gotten 7 tops from Ross and told her step-sister about them and yesterday my daughter was crying because suddenly she was embarrassed that she appeared excited to her step-sister about her Ross shirts when one Juicy Couture dress cost 3 times what we spent on her shirts. My ex-husband decided not working at all was better than paying child support and my current husband pays his like clock work. So we're putting out without getting in. My husband's father shows incredible partiality making my daughter feel rejected and not loved by the man she wishes would be her grandfather.

Our rent is $400 which is cheap. Our child support is $320 which is cheap and we have nice cars, the house is nice, but I wouldn't buy a Juicy Couture dress for a 12 year old regardless. We make decent money, my husband teaches and I'm an RN. My husband's daughter's new step-dad is the corporate vice president of a huge bank, and her mom is the Human Resources director for a big publishing firm.

I want to instill a sense of being secure in your skin without having designer clothing, driving a Lexus, going to private school, etc in my daughters. She is 12. The step daughter is 13.

Any advice? And how do I deal with the feelings of wishing she would just go back to her mom and stay there.

Answer 1

Wow. great question! life can be hard for a teen when material things start to become an issue. First give her a hug. Let her know she is loved by you! that's the most important thing. Next,you and your daughter volunteer at a homeless shelter or an abused person's clinic. Start giving back to the community. Maybe attend church. That way she can see what is really valuable in life. NOT Juicy Couture. I know it is easier said then done when all you see right now is your daughter in pain but try it. It might make everyone a better person

Answer 2

What really matters in a childs life is that they are loved and cared for. My  family learnt this when we took our daughters rich friend on holiday, she has everything her heart desires when it comes to money but what she really missed out on was time with her parents. She found it really hard to understand the closeness of our family but by the end of the holiday she craved the attention as we treat her like a member of our family and gave her the same love and attention as our 2 girls. All you need to do is show your children how much you love them they will respect you for this as they grow up and will think much more of you. It is easy to go to a designer shop and buy your childs affection but to give them time, love and security doesn't cost anything but is worth millions of pounds.

Answer 3

WOWEE. I can related to the pain your daughter is experiencing. I remember getting picked on in school because I didn't have the stylish expensive clothing and my family didn't have money.

The one thing that I was taught that really brought me comfort is kids that pick on other kids do it because they are insecure. They may appear to be confident, but they really aren't. They have to pick on others to make them feel better and they go after their weakest spots

Remind your daughter also that brand names mean nothing. The young lady is just wanting to show off because once again she is insecure. Most kids will not tolerate a spoiled brat like her. I can guarantee you that her attitude will catch up to her and bite her right on the butt.

In the long run, your daughter is the one that has the better life. She knows what it is like to not have everything in sight and people like that are much better off. ;0)

As far as wishing that this young lady would go back to her mother, I don't blame you. I don't know her and I am wishing the same thing. :0P

That is a difficult thing to work out.  I would just have a talk with her father and have a talk with the young lady in front of the father.

When I have problems with my stepkids, I confront them in front of the parents, that way the parents are aware of the issues and aware of how I feel. Some issues will take a long time to iron out. I hope that one day this young lady matures and cuts the c**p. If not she is going to have a HARD LIFE.  What if our economy crashes and money loses it's value? Who's going to have the last laugh then? :0D

Answer 4

Your daughter is at the age where peer-pressure is rampant!  She's just a kid; so don't worry about her having a fit over not getting expensive clothes.  She'll get over it.  

As far as the 'step grandpa'; there really isn't anything you can do to change his rude behavior.  It is what it is.  Just be sure to continue to let your daughter know how much she is loved and needed in your family.

Now, as far as your step-daughter:  she is not going to "just go back to her mom and stay there".  She has every right to spend as much time as she can around her dad and grandfather.  Instead of being bitter towards her; realize that she is probably very lonely and jealous of the family you and your husband have created.  Even though her mom and step-dad have good paying jobs, that is no guarantee that they are giving her all the love and attention she so desperately needs and craves.

And, welcome to the world of steppers!  It is not easy, there are going to be hurt feelings no matter what; it's a very emotional roller-coaster for all concerned.