Can you help me make my paragraph flow?!?!?! ?

Question

i wrote

The repetition of Rose throughout the opening paragraphs helped to establish a major reoccurring symbol. Green repeatedly mentioned roses, his lover Rose, or the color red several times in the opening paragraphs. The internal conflict it shows is dealing with the death of Rose, his loved one. Not only does he constantly mention her name, but he also mentions rose bushes. Rose bushes link Charley’s external conflicts because hidden in a rose bush was a gun that blew his leg off. Now he has an external conflict with society because he appears different. He is now paranoid that people are constantly watching and staring at him.

can you help me with the wording to make it sound better?

Answer 1

The repetition of  the Rose motif  throughout the opening paragraphs  establishes it as the novel's motivating symbol. Green mentions roses, his lover, Rose, or the color red  repeatedly in the opening paragraphs. Dealing with the death of Rose, his loved one, creates internal conflict. Not only is Rose's name constantly mentioned, so are the rose bushes which link to Charley’s external conflict, because the gun that blew his leg off lies hidden in a rose bush. Another external conflict is his difficulty in dealing with society because he appears different. He develops a paranoia about people constantly watching him and staring at him.

Answer 2

The repetition of Rose throughout the opening paragraphs helped to establish a major reCURRING symbol: ROSE REPRESENTS CONFLICT. Green repeatedly mentionS roses, his lover Rose, AND the color red several times in the opening paragraphs. The internal conflict it shows CONCERNS the death of Rose, his loved one. Not only does he constantly mention her name, he also mentions rose bushes. Rose bushes link Charley’s external conflicts because hidden in a rose bush was a gun that blew his leg off. Now he has an external conflict with society because he appears different AND is now paranoid that people are constantly watching and staring at him.

Answer 3

I could rewrite it for you, but I'm not sure how much help that would be. To add flow, use more transitions and possibly explain the rose symbol in greater detail. First, I would put the entire paragraph into present tense instead of past tense ("the opening paragraphs helps to establish a major..."). Next, I would add a sentence between your first and second that explains the symbolism of a rose (you may have to research their significance as a symbol). Begin your lead into the story with a transition (For example, in the story, Green repeatedly mentions roses, his lover Rose, or the color red several times when he does .....). You probably should not refer to the story as the opening paragraphs (assuming this is a story). After that sentence you should add another sentence that explains why its important that the author is making a rose so apparent. Your linking transition into the rose bush has very good structure, but you might want to rethink the "not only does he mention her name" part considering you also talked about other forms of roses in the previous sentence. The ending is where you start to get choppy (The vocabulary is fine, but your tense changes and the sentences don't relate very well). To fix this, you might want to try varying your sentence structure by combining both of the analysis sentences. Last, you need a conclusion that ties up the symbolism of roses in the paragraph. Hope this helps and isn't too confusing.