Can you help me out please?

Question

Will you please go and read my two poems and leave a comment? I'd be really grateful!!! = )

http://www.authspot.com/Poetry/Youll-Never-Know.196359

http://www.authspot.com/Poetry/Just-Breathe.196349

Please, no negative comments! I understand that not everyone will like it but i'd really appreciate it if you keep the negativity to yourself.

Thanks everybody!!!

Answer 1

I thought they were really good.  It sounds like you are hurting.  I hope if they are written for someone in particular that they read them.  Good luck to you.

Answer 2

by Christina

Was that my heart there on the floor?

I can't tell with all the shattered pieces

Scattered on the floor

You think you know me

But you don't know me at all

It hurts me to say this

It kills me to know this

But still I can't talk to you

You'll never know

How many tears

What are my fears?

You'll never know

Before I crash and fall to the ground

In a heaping pile of dismay

You should know

I never meant to break down

Like I did today

Here on this cold hard ground

I finally declare my love for you

~~

Really a very lovely poem, Chirstina.  I don't see anything that I would suggest changing.

T.

~~~~

by Christina

It all started out easily enough

I almost had this all figured out

Then one day I turned blue



I wrestled with mixed feelings

Won out with confusion

Had a date with Destiny

Till I got myself back again



I feel like I failed

Trying to be myself



Life breathe me in

Let me live again

I would give anything

Just to do this over

One last time



You knew how to hurt me

You got straight to me

Plucked all my heart strings

Till everyone one of them was broken



I laugh at the after thought

Memories still come back to haunt

I waste away the day

Thinking if only

I was someone else.

~~~

Excellent line:

Plucked all my heart strings

Till everyone one of them was broken

T.

~~~~~~~~

Your work is wonderful.  You have captured the loss of love and the torment we all go through wondering what we did wrong.

T.

Answer 3

8/10 for  the first one

4/10 for the second one