Can you help me please? I'm feeling suicidal

Question

Its 4:44 am. I can't sleep. All I can do is cry. The onlything on my mind is suicide. I've tried everything to get my mind off suicide but its not working. I'm so upset I just want to end it all right now. I don't know what to do any more. I don't wanna hurt anymore. I just want the pain to go away. Help me please!

Answer 1

Choice

I’ve always known that in my room there was a door and a window. I’ve always had a choice. It has always been my choice to exit by the door. Had it been so only to put a check mark to yet another convention? This world is full of conventions and if you break some rules you risk getting kicked out of it. If this is what you believe you want, think more than twice. Because once kicked out, there’s no way back. I look out the window and I see a garden. It is a neighbour’s back yard. I can see it clearly from the third floor. Had it been higher, things would had probably been different. In my dreams at night, I’ve gone out by the window several times, ‘diving’ into the garden in the summer bright sun. The fall had always been too short. And I’ve survived each and every time, finding myself in my bed. Perhaps that has also been my choice, because during the fall I tried to fly every time, but I could not keep myself in the air. I went straight to what would have undoubtedly been a clash with the garden’s ground, and as I became aware of it, I regretted my hasty act. Apparently I’ve always had the opportunity to change my mind and therefore my own fate. Also, I’ve always known that there were knives in the kitchen. Maybe I was not brave enough. But more certainly I chose to ignore knives in the kitchen and open windows as ways of exit. Because the exit would have meant another entrance, into another world about which I know practically nothing. Nobody actually came back from there to give a detailed account of it, to describe it. We can only imagine how it’s like, but that does not make it so. ‘Did ever the thought of committing suicide occur to you?’ was a question in the stupid questionnaire the psychiatrist gave me to complete. Had I answered ‘yes,’ I would have been put in the category of mentally sick. I was glad I checked the ‘no’ answer, as I was told that this thought of suicide indicates an unbalance, an actual problem, a lack of normalcy in man. I have actually thought about it, but you can never admit this to these people without having them judge you as ‘sick.’ Yes, I have thought about it, but I have made the choice to live. It’s all about the reality in your mind. Those dreams have presented me a virtual situation and I was given a second chance every time I regretted my action. In some dreams I stepped on the window sill and opened my arms and I could actually fly! I never fell. I thought in this dream, ‘I hope nobody will find out what I’m doing now. Because if they did, they’d think I want to kill myself and that is not true.’ I flew over gardens and forests and buildings. It was summer. It was sunny and bright. People in this dream would say that a human flying is impossible, that I’ll just fall and break my neck trying to do it. But with the thought of suicide completely out of mind, I could fly effortlessly. Psychological reality is what matters. Choice takes place in your own mind, maybe in some sort of discussion with yourself. Then I found myself in the swimming pool. After jumping into the deep water. And I thought, it’s just like jumping off a tall building, only you don’t regret it. You land comfortably and pleasantly in a soft mass which pushes you towards the surface. During these moments I feel free. I move so naturally in the water, I’m not afraid of it. While swimming, I look into the waters down me and it’s a little like flying... For the sake of moments like these life deserves to be lived. On my way home I pass through the park. It’s a bright summer day and I walk feeling so happy in the heat. I’m so glad I’m still here, I think. All the world seems to be smiling... And yes, I want to return to the swimming pool next morning!

Answer 2

I hope you're on your way to the hospital emergency department while reading this. You seems severely depressed and your situation is an emergency. So get yourself some medical help. By getting medical help, you will be a happier person in a couple of months. so hang in there and don't waste anymore time

best of luck

PS it is NOT a phase and it is very SERIOUS. get your mum to take you or go yourself to ED or your family doctor asap. You are suffering from some major depression with suicidal ideations. It needs to be treated.  

Answer 3

Oh please try to remember the beautiful things in life :)  

Answer 4

Depression bites, doesn't it? The dark feeling that absorbs you is a chemical imbalance, probably, that doesn't let the brain get enough of that "good feeling stuff" called seratonin. I know, I've had it. It seems like everything is dismal and pointless, but it's your brain "MESSING" with you, believe me! I've been to that darkside a zillion times and thought about "kicking my own bucket", BEFORE I saw a doc and got some antidepressents . I was in my early forties and yes, a sceptic! After a few weeks (seems like a long time to wait for results, but I had suffered for a LOT longer than that), I began feeling calmer, less anxious, and my depression almost melted away. Actually, I didn't know I could feel this well, this happy, this so not depressed! If school lets in or has, go to your counselor...they see it all the time. Call mental health. It'

s a mood disorder and they are educated and could help your parents to really understand.

Answer 5

sing your favorite child lullaby

Answer 6

please dont do this! im not sure of your age..but i'm sure you have a lot of life ahead of you.

there is a reason you're here..a reason you're living. don't throw it away. there are free help lines you can call and speak with someone to help you.

pray..God will help you. ask for strength. he will protect and watch over you.

please do not do this

Answer 7

3 years ago I was in the same situation.

except I ended up in hospitals ICU for 3 days, I tried but failed. I was molested and raped as a child and it caught up to me when i was 18.

From experience. Don't do it. I wish I had someone then to stop me but I made it, and it changed my life completely. Everything feels out of control right now I know. You need to take control of your mind and not let it take you. If you have a good family they would be heartbroken if you did something like this.

What always helped me was writing. Writing every little thing that came to mind. Write untill there is nothing left to say. I felt like I got it out. Start deep breathing, Crying is ok its better not to repress how you're feeling. Also talk to someone a friend, your mom? Anyone you can completely trust.

What I've learned is that there is no worse fate than death. There is always in answer and you can't control everything in life so don't try. Living is the best thing you can do.

Once you get through this pain, you'll be so much stronger, and feel so much better. I promise with all my heart! I've been there and I feel amazing now because the pain i felt a long time ago helps me face the pains of today without a problem.

Seeing your 16 years old, is way to familiar! That was the age I started cutting myself, and having suicide thoughts.

Again I promise it's not worth it. I would of kicked myself If I had died. Now I have a good life. I still have problems. I still deal with the emotional side from time to time. Sometimes thoughts will come up. So I write or draw or I call someone.

It easy to quit....It takes a strong person to fight. I know you're strong you just need to realize it

Keep Fighting I promise its worth it!!!

And like people have said if there is no one you feel you can talk to call a hotline. They're there because they care. And people do care its hard to see but they do.

Answer 8

www.metatonia.org it's not too late. do you like dogs?

Answer 9

Hey,

Even though I don't really know your situation, I feel really bad that you have to be in this state of mind.

Call 1-800-SUICIDE.  They'll give you better advice than anyone on here.

*hugs*

Answer 10

Don't worry girlfriend.  Life's always dark before the rainbow.  When God shuts a door he forgot that he left a window open.  Just don't give up - whatever you do, don't give up.  Keep on keeping on and you'll find that life has its ups and downs but there's always something or someone out there that loves you.

Answer 11

look in the phonebook for a suicide hotline phone number.. they are open 24 hours a day and they will talk to you about it and help you if you need help

Answer 12

go to www.metanoia.org/suicide/ now.

stop, hon! do you know the number for an emergency helpline? there's usually a toll free, 24hr one in most countries. just talking to someone might help you get through to the morning. if you really can't control yourself, call an ambulance or head to the nearest emergency room. wake up the parents and let them know this is serious.

you need professional help, and it's important you get some before it's too late (it's NOT too late now - you're alive and that's what matters). are you in school? try talking to a teacher you can trust maybe? or a friend at least. it's good to get someone on your side, it's even better if they're okay with you calling in the middle of the night.

don't hurt yourself, k? things WILL get better even though it's really difficult to imagine. contact me via answers if you want to talk.

Answer 13

hELLO

You dont need to do this, you have heaps of life ahead of you, theres no use vrying, seeing your school counsiler really helps, dont kill yourself, youi'll realize on what ur missing, i felt the same way, you need to see a counsiler or talk to your parents, they can comfert you.

i will prey4uxoxo :o)