Can you help me with my in laws?

Question

I am worried about the holidays.

My husband's STEP father (who he doesn't care for) will be visiting for the holidays. He corrects me when I discipline my daughters and he makes comments about different ethnic and racial groups in front of them. He is a pig!

When I had my newborn he refused to use hand sanitizer. He said..."I am not going to touch her anyway"!

How should I handle this? I want to tell him to get the heck out but I don't know if Dave's mom will visit without him and I want my 1yr old to see her grandma. They live in Fla. and I live in NC.

Answer 1

Is there any way you can arrange to visit at a restaurant or somewhere other than your house? This would allow you to see everyone in the family and also give you, your husband, and your children the leeway to leave when things start to get aggravating. Even if your husband doesn't care for him, as it's his stepfather he's the one who needs to sit down with him and your mother and say that that sort of behavior has to stop.  

Answer 2

Oh wow that is just horrible.  You have to wonder first of all why your mother-in-law is even with this creature and why he even wants to come and visit; however he is and I think that you should treat him like you would a child who is misbehaving.

Ignore his comments and snide remarks.  Like we say; 'if a child has no audience to perform to then they won't perform!'

You should just shut him out, but do it quietly and without fuss and then that way your mother-in-law won't feel bad and she gets to visit with her beautiful grandchildren and the creature can just sit around like the dog he is!  Sorry to say that, but I dislike unkind people especially when it comes to families and children.  Good luck, take your time and take care.

Answer 3

Are you sure you want your 1 year old to see her grandma? You know she (your child) won't remember it anyway?

Answer 4

Your home, your children, your rules. if he doesn't like it he can celebrate somewhere else.

Although the holidays are a time of setting aside differences, they are not a time for one person to set aside differences, while the other is a pig and does whatever they want.

Answer 5

So this is not the first time and won't be the last time will it? So sometimes you have to make a big deal and break relationships down with family. Otherwise these things and the attendant resentments go on for years. Break it down and begin anew is my way.

Your husband has to stand up and go to town. He needs to pull him aside. He can start by saying that he appreciates them coming as family being about on the holidays but.......

- This is MY house and MY family. It is My wife and you will give her respect and respect her wishes. She does not want you to speak about race or religion as she and I find it offensive especially in front of children. I respect my wife and the way she chooses to raise the children is HER business and you have no right to comment upon it.

- If you comply with my wishes as a MAN nothiing else need be said and none will be the wiser. But if you choose to disrespect my wife again you may explain why you are no longer welcome to my mother. No further discussion and I hope we are clear on this.

The old coot will not want that to happen. Your husband is his wife's son. His mother will be appalled when the later discord happens when he screws up again. What mother would fault a son for standing up for his wife? Especially in a firm manly way aside from the rest of the family.

I went down this road. This took the wind out of the steps sails. He started being nice to everybody including my mother.

Answer 6

I agree with Dolce, meet them away from your home and don't let him hold your children.  Your husband needs to talk to his mother and explain how her husband's behavior upsets you.  Send them directions to the nearest motel.

Answer 7

You sound very controlling and intolerant, and he is probably saying things on purpose now to assert his own independence. Try this. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYONE AND GET YOUR OWN WAY ALL THE TIME. YOU DIG?

Answer 8

just  tell  them