Can you help me write my singles ad?

Question

I'm not good at this kind of thing and I want to make sure I score a good catch. I think you know me well enough to know what I'm like and that I'm looking for. Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

"I like bananas and hate giraffes. Now show me some lovin', beyotch."

Answer 2

Oh I rock at this.  I've done lots of them.

SWF, 30, smokin' hottie, seeks UN-incarcerated, well hung man for good times, mouth hugs and group action.  Must be spandex free, and must love doggy.  

Answer 3

swf seeks s*x. leroy need not apply.  

Answer 4

likes to ride on the dark side

not afraid to commit to the incarcerated

only slightly whorish (lies are good)

Answer 5

SWF seeking Rich man with good bow and nun-chucks skills. must have car and an elephants

Answer 6

For a free ride call 555.N2N.ASTY.  

Answer 7

Applications are being accepted for a single person, no kids, no crazy ex's or any ex's for that matter. Must make over 100,000 a year, have nice car. 08 or newer model. Mother must reside in separate country.

Answer 8

SWF seeks personal Adonis. Must not have more then 2 STD's and work at least 15-20 hours a week and own a working vehicle.  

Answer 9

Rich Young and Attractive.

Photo of bank statement provided upon request.

Answer 10

I'm looking for a man who's hair won't catch on fire if I throw a lit match at it. If he commits crimes, they should be crimes that benefit me (shoplifting), and he should be smart enough not to get caught. Getting stabbed to death, by 100 tiny unicorns in his sleep, should be a happy thought for him.

I like swimming in the ocean, with my dogs, and finding treasure chests full of gold coins and LSD. I love to make wishes, but I only throw hundred dollar bills into wishing wells because I think pennies are contemptible. Sometimes I show up at home with a newborn baybee, and where it came from is none of your business. I am magical and may slowly vanish in front of you, but don't worry....because I always reappear just like the sun rises every morning.

Answer 11

Nasty- Looking For Love in the Wrong Freaking Places:

Wanted: A man (or a freaking woman - like that even matters) who enjoys sucking, l*****g, probing and ******* and ******** whilst naked and *** and ****** and ******* during long, wet sessions of ******** and *****.

That was no help, now was it ..... ???

*cries*

Answer 12

After a week of leaving you lengthy, obsessive phone messages I will love you with all my heart and possibly my spleen, as well as the rash I have on my a**s.  I will mail you my teeth and nail clippings.  If you don't know what to do with them, we probably aren't meant to be... but I will still s*x you up in the Taco Bell parking lot a minimum of 10 times.

Answer 13

BBW, 30, enjoys romantic walks on compost heaps. Looking for a black man who isn't named Leroy with less than 2 felonies.  

Answer 14

SWF, 30, allergic to latex, will put anything in mouth.