Can you honestly say?

Question

that adoptees and natural parents only have their own best interests at hand after watching a video describing one womans personal adoption journey?

part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1hGVL-3vJY

part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQKWXhDD5a0

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

You are so very brave and wonderful! I don't know how anyone we have our own interests at heart listening to that..

(((((((((((andraya))))))))))))))

Answer 3

Andraya - you are so courageous for putting yourself out there like this. Your bravery and honesty are humbling. I hope it helps people to open their eyes to what can happen within this industry and release that reform is necessary.

Answer 4

Andraya, you are very brave for sharing your story. I am sorry about what happened to you. It is wrong, there is no question about that.

But I do have to say, it is YOUR story. Your's alone. And not every adoption experience is the same. I think the problem here is that too many people, from both "sides' seem to use blanket statements that they feel cover everyone. And no, I am not accusing you of doing that in your video.

I said once before that too many people are projecting their experience on others...as if all experiences are the same. I got a lot of thumbs down for that. Again, I am not accusing you of that.

Each story is unique.

And yes, I think adoptees should have access to their information. So I guess I am pro-adoption reform.

Answer 5

Can I be so brave as to ask why you no longer have custody of your son?  

I watched the youtube and doesn't explain....you had custody...

sorry if I seem out of line...but seems as if something was left out.

Answer 6

andraya, thank you for adding a face to adoption loss.  so often i have to check my anger at the door when i venture onto sites like YA; while i'm forced to digest the bile spewed by the adoption machine in attempts to offer an opposing veiwpoint to the discourse.

so often, we like to see adoption as a win for all.  yet, when women like you speak out, your voices are silenced, marginalized and perceived as zealous.

i remember the girl who made a plan the same time i did.  she did not change her mind.  when she saw me several months later buying diapers for my son, she just hugged me and said, "i wish i would have known how much it hurts.."  

this is just c**p.  i'm so sick and tired of this "adoption is a loving choice" banter. a loving choice for who???

thanks for stepping from behind your alvatar and being real.

Answer 7

Andraya, that was amazing. I really wish that you were close to me now so I could throw my arms around you and squeeze you as tight as I can. I can relate to SO much of what you said as an adoptee. I made up a bunch of middle names for myself too, and though I did have 7 brothers and sisters, I didn't know most of them and made up all sorts of crazy stuff about them. I also spend my childhood in hospitals since my a-dad/grandpa had cancer 3 times before I turned 16, then my a-mom/grandma got cancer when I was 18 and 21. She died in 1999 after her second time with it and he died in 2005 after his 4th time with it. People have always told me it was God's plan for me to have been adopted by my grandparents, but how can it be that you and I and Possum and others were meant to lose one set of parents and then go on to be placed with other parents who become sick and die too? Its like a cruel joke. I am SO sorry you had to live that too.

I could see the love you have for Justin as plain as day when I was watching that video. Its so obviously that you aren't just a birthmother, you're not a tummy mommy or some nameless faceless drug addicted wh*re, you are a mother who lost her child. And you know, nothing anyone has ever said on this forum, nothing anyone has ever called me or the accusations that have been thrown around have ever EVER made me as angry as the tears I saw fall from your eyes as you talked about how you are so unfairly called a n**i and an anti adoption zealot. I know that the people who toss this c**p around and say such cruel things aren't going to watch your video, they aren't going to read these replies, or if they did they'd find some way to justify it or turn it back on us, but I want you to know that it touched me and I'm sure it touched others here who have been through at least part of what you have. You are a strong, beautiful, amazing MOTHER and your story will help others from walking down the same path.

Thank you Andraya.

Answer 8

Hey Andraya,

Thank you for putting that out there for people to see. Cause, you know most people don't want to see "it" - the real life consequences of adoption. I know what it feels like. I'm sorry for your pain.

((hugs))

Answer 9

(((( hug ))))

crying for you and with you.

EDIT:  

wow.... people getting a thumbs down for showing compassion and understanding.

this mother lost her child. she's grieving. i don't think that under any other circumstance would anyone thumbs down a mother for the loss of a child, much less inquire on more proof or why. she lost a child. i think her video says it all. didn't you watch it?

Answer 10

A friend and adoptee once said

"Adoption is Testament to what the human phyche can endure"

Ain't that the truth.  As if the act of adoption itself is not enough, the barrage of abuse and dismissal we get if we even dare to speak out about the pain involved in adoption magnifies the pain ten-fold - adoptive parents like Marsha and the lady above me (Spydermom?)  give me hope that at least some little adoptees will grow up with love, understanding and validation.  As for the others, well, I worry.  I worry so much for the little ones of the people who can't or won't understand, or who assert that 'my child will never feel that way'. . . .

Andraya - you are so brave

I too am sick and tired of being told I only have my own interests at heart and that the children are never mentioned - yee gads, it's because we care about the children that we're here, to speak for the little ones who can't speak for themselves in the hope that adoptive parents will listen and therefore the little ones will benefit

Thank you so much for sharing your story

Support and compassion for first mothers and their children is sadly lacking in this world, and I am so sorry

Huge Hugs to you and your little boy

(again a strange silence from the adoptee haters and birthmother bashers)

Answer 11

Oh my, Andraya.

You are amazing for putting this out there.

No - most adoptees I know DO NOT hate their adoptive parents.

This is one of THE greatest misconceptions people have - especially when adoptees say that they want to search for their first family - then so many call adoptees 'betrayers'.

Most love their adoptive family dearly. (as you do)

(exceptions could perhaps include those that received some kind of abuse from their adoptive family)

Most also want the chance to know and love their bio family. That's where they came from.

(exceptions could perhaps include those that received some kind of abuse from their first family or some just don't want to know)

We should be allowed to acknowledge and own that love.

All the love - for all our families.

I'm so very sorry you lost your son.

Nothing I can say will help that pain go away - I know.

Please know that I am in awe of you for putting yourself out there like you have. All stories need to be told.

Answer 12

There are too many holes in this story..................  and in the youtube videos.......... before I give you sympathy, I think I'd like to hear the whole story.

The rest of the story, as paul harvey would say

Answer 13

Thank you for sharing your story with us, I'm so sorry for your grief, obviously no words from anyone can make you feel better.

After reading some of your posts, I just wanted to say that as a foster parent, I'm disgusted at what happened with your son.  In my opinion, that works against the entire purpose of care, and taking advantage of a young and struggling woman is inexcusable.

Once again, I'm so sorry, and I'll keep you in my thoughts  :=)

Answer 14

Andarya,

I’m so sorry for your pain. I’m just speechless! I hope that by telling your story all the haters on this board will think twice before they write something hateful. You are very brave to tell your story. Keep on telling your story! Thank You for sharing it. *big hug*

Peace,

Healing Adoptee

Answer 15

I'm so sorry to hear of your pain.  I genuinely wish there was something I could say to help you.

I really do wish you the best, although I know that doesn't make your road any easier.  I hope you can someday find peace, at least, and be reunited with your son.

Best wishes and please take care.

Answer 16

Wow, Andraya.  I'm speechless. A big hug to you. I'm so sorry for your pain and grief.

Answer 17

Andraya,

Your video is awesome.  You are awesome.  Fabulous.  I love that you did this!

Answer 18

Oh Andraya, Andrea,

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))...

I'm just sobbing. Yeah, I'm a cheap cry, but that was for sure not a cheap story and would make anyone with a heart cry. You are so very brave to have shared that with us. I loved the pictures of you with your son. Oh my heart aches that you have not seen him for, what, almost 11 years now. Oh honey, that just breaks my heart.

Oh, life is just so not fair. You should not have to have lost 2 families! You should NOT have to have lost your son!!! You are an amazing woman, daughter (times 2), mother and human being. I am proud to know you, even this tiny bit.

Oh, it just makes me so ANGRY that people (a-moms like me in particular) could take your pain and love and heart and soul that you share in your answers -- and turn around and call you a n**i. I do not understand the anger here at all. I don't see how an adoptive parent can feel anything but love and compassion for people who were adopted and for natural mothers. They are our children. They are the reason we have our children. Truly, I dont understand why y'all stick around for this abuse. But I am ever so grateful that you do.

I wish you amazing friends and love and support at this difficult time of year.

I wish you and yours much love and happiness and strength and reunion.

Andrea (aka Spydermomma)

(born July 31st, did I see you were also born July 31st?)

ADDED:

Nope, no need to die, my middle name is Louise, and Dawson (dad's last name, "demoted" when I took my mom's "maiden" name as last name).

I like sharing a birthday with Harry Potter and Juliet Capulet (as in Romeo and...). Very weird that by far the most famous people with our birthday are fictional.

Answer 19

oh Andraya.

I am speechless.

Hugs.  Big Sloppy Hugs.

Answer 20

Wow. Thanks so much for sharing that, Andraya!