Can you line-break this raw poem for me?

Question

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands a blue blast that stretches inward and onward a star bursting through the chill sets me on edge and I wait for another wayward wonder from that deep, black that frames the eyeline and guards the unknown.

Answer 1

why would anyone want to do anything to it ..it's perfect..

Answer 2

*A neon keepsake

*for my shattered hands

* a blue blast

*Stretching inward and onward

* a star bursting through

*the chill sets me on edge

* I wait for another wayward wonder

* from that deep, black

*that frames the eye line and guards the unknown.

Answer 3

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands

a blue blast that stretches inward

and onward

A star, bursting through the chill sets me on edge

and I wait

for another wayward wonder from that deep, black that frames the eyeline and guards...

the unknown

Answer 4

you are the best at doing all things great. a chill runs threw me when i think on you. i will not change the way you put this poem in place

Answer 5

Line breaks can be a very personal choice, depending upon where you, the poet, want the emphasis to fall (follow the rule of placing the most emphasis at the ends of things like lines, stanzas, poem itself); where you might want to exact more drama; where you need more motion or less (the point of the break also creates a pause).

Or, keep it as a prose poem & let the reader make their own line breaks & thus find their own meaning.

Or, don't line-break the raw poem.  Instead wait to add line breaks until after you've made a few revisions, i.e., take out all the non-essential words...re-work wording...tighten everything up.  Then take a closer look at this version as to where line breaks would have the most impact or make the most sense.

For example...

Revision

For my shattered hands a neon keepsake, a blue blast stretching inward, onward; a star bursting through chill, setting me on edge.  I wait another wayward wonder from deep black eyeline, framing, guarding the unknown.

Now add line breaks if you feel they are necessary.

For example...

Added line breaks

For my shattered hands

a neon keepsake,

a blue blast

stretching inward

onward,

a star bursting

through chill

setting me on edge.

I await

wayward wonder

from deep black

eyeline, framing,

guarding

the unknown.

Good luck!

Answer 6

A

neon keepsake

for my shattered

hands a blue blast

that stretches inward and onward

a star bursting through the chill sets

me on edge and I wait for

another wayward wonder from that deep, black that

frames the eyeline and guards the unknown.

Answer 7

i can line dance

Answer 8

it'll hurt...

Answer 9

A neon keepsake for

my shattered hands

a blue blast that

stretches inward

and onward

a start bursting through

the chill

sets me on edge and

I wait

for another wayward wonder from

that deep, black

that frames the eyeline and

guards

the unknown.

???????????

Always

(nice lesson, son)

Answer 10

No need...

It's excellent "as is..."

Answer 11

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands / a blue blast that stretches inward and onward  /a star bursting through the chill sets me on edge and / (get rid of the and)  I wait for another wayward wonder from that deep, black that frames the eyeline and guards the unknown.

Answer 12

Sounds good to me just as is. Keep them coming.

Answer 13

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands,

A blue blast that stretches inward and onward.

a star bursting through the chill of night,

sets me on edge.

I wait for another wayward wonderfrom the deep,

black that frames the eyeline and guards the unknown.

I tried now didn't I. LMAO

Answer 14

Wow great poem and hey I would go with Shmeckles seems to hit the nail on the head!!  Geez wish I had done that !!!  Cheers!!!

A Keepsake

  Neon

For my shattered hands

Blue blast that stretches

Inward onward a star

Busting through chill

Sets me on edge

I wait for another

wayward wonder

from that deep black  

frames eyeline and

guards the unknown

Thought I would come back and give it a whack---I hope I didn't give it a hack!! Cheers !!

Answer 15

Maybe something like this:

A neon keepsake for my shattered hands

a blue blast that stretches inward

and onward a star bursting through

the chill sets me on edge and I wait

for another wayward wonder from that deep,

black that frames the eyeline

and guards the unknown.

Answer 16

It means:

"Taking a planetorial ride with styfulling false pride, all locked up from inside.  It's like You had died.  Things so diversified, left You feeling satisfied."

Answer 17

A neon keepsake

for my shattered hands

a blue blast that stretches

inward and onward

a star bursting through

the chill sets me on edge

and I wait for another wayward wonder

from that deep,

black that frames the eyeline and

guards the unknown.