Can you listen to my song please?

Question

i asked this earlier but i recorded a new one so you can see me!hey so i just asked this, but heres the lyrics. its not done and i recorded it quickly but just wanted feedback! sorry its quiet! just follow along with the lyrics

thanks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spP5TMxJxQU

LYRICS:

saw our picture on my wall

just a frame filled with me and a stranger

such a short amount of time

for you and me to go from happy to in danger

so listen as you turn your back to walk away

even if its the last thing that i get the chance to say

as time goes by there builds a gap in the line

in the chain

from the pain

between you and me and what we used to be

hope you considered that there may be no fix

no repair

nothings there

to bridge that gap of empty time

empty chair across the table

your the missing person

but im not missing you

only wish that you hadn't changed

and that we wouldn't be left like this

so listen as you turn your back to walk away

even if its the last thing that i get the chance to say

as time goes by there builds a gap in the line

in the chain

from the pain

between you and me and what we used to be

hope you considered that there may be no fix

no repair

nothings there

to bridge that gap of empty time

Answer 1

i think that its really good!...i love the lyrics...i like how it tells a story...but one thing i think that you should think about is maybe changing up the keys. it a little heavy for my taste...i get that your going for the feeling of pain but its a little much. go for lighter clashes with the keys...that way its pretty and painful...

hope this helps...

Answer 2

Not bad!  I would like to hear a copy where the vocal is as loud as the piano.

Keep it up... You have some real talent.  You are a double threat, you can sing, and write your own original music.  

Do you have anything else we can hear?  Maybe you should post a vid with you singing  this one accapella so we can really hear the lyrics.

Have a good one!

Answer 3

some solid lyrics and singing

its good but it would be alot better if you found some people to accompany you with different instruments

i have an idea how it would sound in my head right now :)

this song has great potential keep it up

Answer 4

Good job, nice song. It sounds similar to any other pop song, but still sounds good.

Can you re-record it with less keyboard and more vocal?

Keep on creating!

Answer 5

OMG I LOVE IT

Answer 6

that was great!

:-)

Answer 7

I love how the lyrics are so meaningful it was really a great song

Answer 8

It's not bad you just need to be a little louder and work on you timing but other than that good job