Can you offer suggestions on how to appropriately respond to this...?

Question

Sorry its long, but its as bare bones as I could get it.

I take the train to work. I have a monthly riders pass. Parking not included and it is $1.50 cash only. The train I board is the last run for the morning that stops at my job. I would be very late if I missed it.

My wallet wasn't in my backpack and I needed $0.50.Asked a few people -no luck- then I walked over to a lady I had brand new sun glasses in one hand and my mp3 player, lighter, cellphone and a Kippah in the other, why? IDK those were at the top of the bag. So I say to the lady, "Excuse me, I left my wallet at home I really need 50 cents I have a brand new set of sunglasses ( showed them to her) would you trade 50 cents for these sun glasses please", she paused then looked at my other hand and got a disgusted look. She says, "No, I don't want your nasty glasses, and I don't help kikes (demeaning name for Jewish folks like the N word for black folks)." I turned to just walk away and she says in voice like a parent scolding a child, "don't turn your back on me you nasty "k", you will listen to me until I am done talking, now is this how your kind makes money? Begging?" I continued to be silent I was not going to give her any satisfaction that she was making me angry. then continues, "You answer me NOW or I will take your walking stick and bash that thing you call a face into your brainless head" I say calmly, "You can't do that its illegal you can't even do that to an animal" she shoots back, "You don't qualify as either, You hear me? You are not even an insect, your lower then poo.." At this time I look around and there are three very big men in business suits. One of them puts his hands on my shoulder and leads me away while the two other guys walk behind me. They say - what did you ask her?, and I explained my 50 cent problem. One of them hands me 50 cents and I am trying to give him my sunglasses but he said no I can't they are worth a lot more then 50 cents. I said I promise with all my heart the next time I see you I promise I will pay you back and don't say no because I would feel better if I pay you back. The train was coming in and they said do you want to call the police we can stay back our job won't mind, I thanked them but explained mine would.They were going downtown pass my stop so they offered to sit around me. We had a nice talk on the train, they walked me to the door I got off looked around for the lady and she wasn't at my stop so I gave them the "all is fine" sign and we waved each other goodbye.

Tommorrow I will have my parking money but I may also have this woman. I am not scared so much as I don't know how to respond. I have to represent. I refuse to give her more wood for her hate fire. I know this is not the end with her. I can go running behind other people. I am riding the train. I prepay 180$ a month. I already have my september pass and I am doing this to accomidate all my bills. I am totally at a loss on what to do?

I am asking a lot, I know this, so I want to say thank you very much for helping me out. I have to say that this is the weirdest thing I have ever encountered. Its surreal.

Answer 1

Yes, ignore her. If she gets in your face again, ask security to take care of her. She is a nutjob bigot.

Answer 2

The simplest thing, which I'm sure a lot of others have already written you while I was typing ---->  You avoid her, this is just wise.

... don't be isolated with her, don't converse with her, don't feed into her comments and give her reasons (you don't need to justfiy yourself to her, she's loopy)

I have a strange sounding question but... could you defend yourself against her?  Not, "could you take her out" but could you maybe hold her back or subdue an attack from her?  If not, I would suggest you carry some mace.  Now, mace is only in defense of a physical attack not a verbal one.

If she harrasses you continually you have two options...

take action...

.....call the authorities at the train station.  If it still continues get a restraining order.  I have heard that a restraining order isn't that difficult to get.

.....let it go.  This is probably the one I would do... personally I'm not very affected by the rantings of people who are being foolish.

My advice... just don't do anything in vengeance. self-defense is one thing, getting even is another.

Answer 3

What a horrible, horrible person. This literally made me tear up when I read it. I'm so so so sorry that this has happened to you. This sort of behavior is disgusting.

Is there some sort of transit authority that you can report her behavior to, if she continues to be a problem? What she did is threaten your life. In my country (Canada) that is a crown offense, meaning that if the police hear about it, the government charges the person with death threats, and they could go to jail or some other punishment.

I would suggest reporting the behavior to the transit authority. If you see her again, and she is a problem, don't be afraid to ask someone for help, especially a transit employee. I'm pretty sure that her bad behavior could get her banned, permanently, from using the transit system - they do that sort of thing in my city. If she ends up being a REALLY big problem, call the police. If you report this incident, and other incidents, to the transit authority before resorting to the police, you will have a lot of credibility with the law, and may avoid having to resort to speaking to the police altogether.

Once again - I am so so sorry about this. No one deserves to be treated in such a manner. The only people that are subhuman, are disgusting people who are bigoted and hateful, like that woman.  

Answer 4

I am sorry, that lady was wrong. Maybe you should file a report, call the police and they will come to make record of it. If she ever comes at you again just back off but let her know that you called the police and will do it again for harassment and threats. You have to get to work somehow and she should not be allowed to make you feel scared.

I can't help but think that God sent those men to you today to protect you. Rely on Him.

**********I remembered your statement, and decided to read through again, I am glad she was removed. But since she probably uses the bus as a necessity to get by day to day, i am worried that you will meet up with her again one day. Take care, i don't know if you carry a spray or something to protect yourself. I am not one to carry weapons, but a good can of spray would help. Blessings.

Answer 5

Threatening to kill you is illegal.

Buy a gun. Learn to shoot it. Carry it everywhere.

Especially if you have a physical handicap.

Answer 6

If you have any other way around having to face this day after day I would do it. If not then I see two possible choices.

1. Take as much as you can and then very politely tell her that you don't want to hear it.

2. Take whatever she dishes up. Sooner or later she'll tire of picking on you and will quit. If not then it's time to call for some legal help. Seek out a police officer or maybe even go see your lawyer and ask his advice.

Answer 7

I was going to say that if you hadn't, please contact the police.  This is serious & they need to know about it.  Besides you, you never know when something like this fits into a bigger picture that they've been trying to solve.

I'm so glad she was arrested.  Can I suggest that she may be been loony & not just prejudice.  Her comments on pregnancy suggest paranoia.  I want to say schizophrenia, except that they're rarely this nuts & I don't want to give them a bad name.  This doesn't sound like typical attack but has an extra odd edge to it.

That's scary & I'm glad you are okay.  You handled it very well -- including somehow bringing into you what you needed to be safe...  I'm also glad you had the good sense not to argue with the woman, because nothing would have worked, & it would have been unsafe.  Sigh.  Feel good about yourself & pat yourself on the back.

((haskivenu))

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Pazit

I know that shame & that shift well.  I used to feel it about the cowarding in the holocaust... when I was too little to know what I was feeling.  (As absorbed from my father.)  People sometimes don't realize, even Jewish ones, how much Israel has shifted us all, with her courage.

Answer 8

Ignore her. Pity her, for prejudice is learned behavior. If I were on that train with you, I would have given you the money, and showed that woman what b***h REALLY means.

Answer 9

Ignore her and be thankful you are not her.  Peace.

Answer 10

Sounds like someone let that woman out without her meds.

Minute a word is said, notify one of the transit workers. I'm sure you aren't the first with a complaint about her.

Answer 11

When I hear about that kind of hatred towards someone else my heart dies a little more.  

Thank goodness for the good people who just come out of no where and help someone in need.  

How can I put this politely about that nasty woman?

Sounds like she crawled up her own @$$h0le a long time ago - shame on her.

Answer 12

Don't avoid her, but don't be confrontational either.  If she dares to physically assault you, defend yourself.

Hate is born of fear.  If she confronts you again ask her why she is so afraid of you.  Why does she feel so threatened?

Answer 13

I wouldn't worry about her attacking you.  Bigots like that tend to be all talk and no action to back their words up.  They are cowards, and sad excuses for human beings with lives so empty they have to fill them up with hatred and bitterness.

Ignore her.  Rise above, take the high road, don't sink to her level.  If you're really worried start carrying a whistle with you.  If she or anyone else tries anything take it and blow.

Answer 14

Just avoid her. If she comes up to you, let her talk, but give her the cold shoulder. She's trying to goad you; don't give her the pleasure.

If she attacks you for ignoring her, fight back. You'll be doing so in self-defense.

Aim for her knees; they're one of the weakest part of the body and break easily. Once you take one out, you can get away from her to find a security guard (which should be present at any train station in the country). Fighting is not a solution, but you do have to defend yourself.

Answer 15

Hi, Again. Hiskvenu this is Bashful. The Bible states that "we should do good no matter what and love our enemies", so with this in mind, I would suggest you buy her a train ticket and a small gift not expensive though, probably a card with a Bible verse on it about love, and give it to her and perhaps a "sorry for bothering you the other day with my need" words. She may refuse it but nevertheless always carry it with you, she eventually will come and apologize to you and then you tell her that you have kept for her this gift. I have done it and works wonders! Remind her that Jesus loves all the world when she softens up!  G-d bless your way. Ps.14 "Seek peace and follow it"  

Answer 16

Just ignore her, I know that it is hard to do.. But that is what I would do.  She is obviously nuts, and reasoning with her will not work.

Answer 17

Honey, you have a much better b.s. tolerance level than I do.  I would've chewed her apart, which would've been counter-productive, heh.  Try ignoring her *assuming that you run into her, maybe she was just there for one day -- if you mentioned otherwise, sorry, I missed that*.  If that doesn't work, keep an eye on where Security is.  If she's that verbally vehement towards you, I wouldn't put it past her to try and get physical with you.  Watch your back... she sounds beyond insane.  Bless you for keeping your cool.

Also, pray for strength to face her, if you should have to again.

Answer 18

Sometimes these kinds of situations and people come into our lives to shake us up and then they're gone. It will be interesting to see if you meet her again tomorrow or ever. Will you post "additional details" and let us know?

So, I have a somewhat different twist on things among the wonderful spectrum of answers you've already received. Now, I'm not saying this is the answer, but it is a choice about how to respond. Here is a link to the story of how a couple responded to Ku Klux Klan threats: http://www.beingjewish.org/magazine/fall...

First and foremost, trust your instincts. If you feel that you are in danger, get away. I know that a verbal attack can really shake you up. It's real and scary. What I know for sure is that people who talk like this are in very deep pain. I'm not saying you should be her psychologist, but your balanced and loving strength can transform in miraculous ways.

I always believe that when things like this happen, it is for our own growth. So another way you can use this situation is to ask yourself deeply on the inside, what is it you need to learn from this? How will this change you? You are already a very compassionate person. What else must you know from this? That there are angels? That you are protected as you walk through this world? What are the answers you get on the inside when you consider this? (Rebbe Nachman calls this Hitbodedut, let me know if you want more info or links)

It is quite a story and I'd love to hear how you process it over time (email me if you want).

Take good care of yourself and know that the love and light that you bring into this world make a huge difference. Those guys really were angels.

Best blessings!