Can you over give your children?

Question

i have 5 children and 6 and 7 on the way. i love them all equally for totallly different reasons. but i sometimes feel like i give and give and give. me and my husband together make a healthy salary and are able to live life--. but sometimes i feel as though my kids just dont value the all mighty dollar lol!!! my children have everything 2 of my kids even own a horse down at the ranch near my home. but it seems like they think that it is suppose to happen. my oldest made me think this yesterday when she came home asking for $100, because she had wore all of her clothes once. i thought that was crazy so i refused and she threw a fit until her father gave it to her. so my question is can you over give you children? should i stop giving her the things she wants? just the other week we brought her her own laptop because all her friends had one. do you think this is crazy? and keep in mind she is 13 years old with 4 other demanding siblings and the twins on the way! who also need

Answer 1

You and your husband materialized your children and now your seeking advice because of it. STOP GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT! You need to tell your children that if that want things, they need to earn them and having a tatrum isn't earning it. Your husband needs to be on the same level, however or it will never work out.

Answer 2

You definitely need to make them work for things. Reward good behavior, but if they don't earn it, don't let them have it. When they get into the "real world" when they are older, they will be far better off than if you just hand everything to them. It's a lesson that too many kids don't learn these days. Just because you have the means to give them everything they want doesn't mean you should.

Answer 3

You husband should NOT have given in after that tantrum!!!

Answer 4

i think you should stop giving her what she wants and only give her what she needs

Answer 5

well stop giving they will throw tantrums let themmm..... how will they ever learn to live on there own if mommy and dadyy keeps giving them money when they ask....

have n e good baby stories??

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Answer 6

i believe you are spoiling the children with material possessions and this is not good for any child.  they dont realize how fortunate they are and wont until they GO WITHOUT so i would stop buying them things.  make them do some chores while youre at it also.

Answer 7

I am 18 and let me tell you giving your kids what they want when they want isn't good cause they don't know the meaning of work. Make them do stuff to get what they want. I worked for everything I got but did get what I wanted sometimes. I didn't get my own cell phone till I could pay it. Not trying to be rude but that's just spoiling your kids.

Answer 8

I am one of four kids in my family, we are all grown now, but when we were in the house, and all wanting everything, my parents had to lay out guidelines...especially when we got to be teenagers...We had to earn our money, and other items, unless they were birthday or Christmas gifts...we had to do chores around the house and keep our rooms clean...we had to help out when asked, and we were able to receive more if we did things without being asked.  When we were old enough, we also had to get part-time jobs, that we we would learn the value of money, and how hard it can be to make that money...and we learned really quickly that we didn't want to blow it all on one pair of jeans or something...

Since she is 13, I would have her help you with the other children, help with bigger household chores,  and earn the money for other stuff...

It's not bad to give things to your children, but make sure that they appreciate it, and realize that not everyone just gets things handed to them...if they learn to appreciate it, they will do more to earn it.

Answer 9

Yes. You can overgive. You are spoiling those kids and they are feeling entitled to it all and then some. Good luck! You and your husband need to put your foot down. It doesn't matter if you can afford it or not. What are you teaching your children about money and possessions? Your kids need time and attention from you and your husband. Your husband was very wrong to give in to her because she's going to keep doing that until he says no. You have been delaying the inevitable. Temper Tantrums. It's going to happen and it's going to be a lot worse now that they are older. It's going to get worse unless you take care of it now. The kids need to learn coping mechanisms and need to learn discipline and that they don't always get everything they want exactly when they want it.  It's ok. They don't need to. They can operate just fine without it. Teach them to work for what they want and to become resourceful and creative. Let them sit and stew. They will find away out of it on their own. But if they don't and you feel that you have given it a real chance then seek professional help.

edit: With the daughter and clothes, I would have taken her to her room and showed her how to change things up to get a different look. Sometimes that is all that is needed. If she fights then I would say, this is how it is. Until you can calm down and be respectful, this is all you get. In life, you don't always get everything that you want when you want it. You don't need new clothes because these are still new. It's ok to wear the same thing again and again. Everyone does. The only time they don't is on tv and in the movies. There is a reason. They want to show the progression of time.

Answer 10

If they are used to it, and receive things for no special reason, they will become accustomed to it...graditute is learned...

They sound spoiled to me....make them earn their things.

Answer 11

They sound like spoiled brats; what you need to do is have a family discussion and tell all of them that they won't be getting everything they want because that is not how life is. Sell the horse for one... no normal kid owns their own horse... cept for the spoiled ones. Get rid of the lap top because only university students should own lap tops; she'll only damage it. And cut off giving 100$ just because... I didn't see that kind of money until I got my first job at 16 and I was lucky to have that kind of money. I work hard for my money because I was poor growing up and your story of your kids just kind of erks me because i see where that is going... suddenly you'll have to pay 7 college/university tuitions... if any of them want to go... have you thought of that? And what about going on vacation or retiring? When you spend all your money on the kids... do you even have any money to retire with? Granted you sound well off, but think of how much better use that money could be going towards. Spoiled children need limits; trust me, they might not be happy about it, but they'll get used to it, they are at the age where they are able to adapt to new things. If they can have all the nessescities and learn to appreciate things, that would be wonderful for your family... if they have a tantrum, send them to their room to cool off. What happens when you wear your clothes once? You wash them and wear them again another day. You don't buy new clothes whenever you feel like it. Your daughter needs to realize that. What will happen when they are old and living on their own? They won't be able to live off you and your husband forever. And most kids who are spoiled usually don't know how to keep jobs, or they spend all of their money foolishly... when it comes to bills they usually don't prioritize them. It's going to be a spiral downward if you dont' do something ASAP.

Answer 12

They have already decided that they are owed things by you and your husband, and consequently the world.  If you want them to grow up as decent people you HAVE to stop giving into their every whim.  The 100 dollars for clothes, give her a list of extra chores that need to be done around the house, tell her to SAVE her money and buy her own clothes with the money she earned.  Let her pitch a fit, h**l, videotape it so she can see what a brat she is being, but don't give in and end the discussion there.  She can choose her own path in it.

Answer 13

You are spoiling your kids. I understand, as a parent, how can you not. You love them, you want to give them things, and if you can afford it, then whats the problem? However, its setting them up for failure. They will not be able to take care of themselves (you can't support them forever, even though they would like you to). If they have no concept of what things cost, how hard you have to work for it, and the sacrifices that you have to make.. really, what are you teaching them?

Stop giving in to every request, and tell your husband to stop too. You are the parent, set the ground rules. If they want something, make them work for it. You have to work for it, don't you? Let them see how hard it is, and they will appreciate it a lot more. Don't let your kids grow up into useless adults who expect everyone to take care of them. Teach them how to take care of themselves, and you will have taught them a lesson that will last a lifetime.

Answer 14

It's called entitle-itis

When children who don't know the value of receiving a gift don't get what they want they begin to expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter.

They think that because you have set the tone all of their lives and now that they are old enough to think for themselves your left feeling surprised.

The only thing I can say is have a talk with them, explain that just because you have money that doesn't mean they automatically get everything their little hearts desire. As to your daughter I would have grounded her and told her no new clothes until she can pay for it herself.... However you and your husband have to be united on this or it will never work and you'll always end up looking like the heavy.

Good luck with re-training your children... just be consistent and united with your spouse.

Answer 15

Just because you can give them everything they want (financially) doesn't mean you should. You would do much better to make them earn money for the things they want.

Answer 16

I think you hit on the answer when you said you don't want them to grow up thinking that life should be handed to them. You can over give but they can never over earn. If they do chores for the thing they want, especially the 13 yr old then it's fine. And it might help to have them donate some things to a church that does outreach for needy families and see how generous they are. And maybe have them volunteer first hand to see what other children do without. But tell your husband that you both have to be on the same team, if you say no then the answer is no. And don't except tantrums!

Answer 17

Simply first i want to congratulate you on your strength, 5 children and 2 on the way takes some serious amount of strength to handle them all.

Next, money and love are addictive, as parents we loose sight of that fine line to stop giving are start earning. Your realizing now that you over stepped that line. How you handle that is children 5 years and up get a chore list and earn spending money. Set a "Contract" up for each one. $5 for bathroom being cleaned, $2 for floors being swept. Sit down with each child with the contract and explain to them the get a certain amount of money for clothing and other essential items a year. How they choose to spend that money is their choice and if they want more money for more stuff(i.e.shoes or new pair of jeans) they have to earn it. This will teach them responsibility and budgeting,

Answer 18

Rent a movie like "John Q" or "The Pursuit of Happiness". Tell your children you could be living like those people, but you're not. You're children have to be thankful for what they have, which sounds like alot! If they still don't clue in, YouTube around for poverty videos. Tell them to compare it to what they have now. If all else fails, take longer measures. If you plan to go on a trip, make it to the Dominican Republic. they'll really get a taste of what poverty is there.

Don't keep giving them what they want, tell them "No." and walk away.

Good luck.

Answer 19

Yes, it's called spoiling them, and it sounds like you are paying the price now! And you are NOT doing them any favors, nor are you helping society!

Answer 20

Yes it sounds like you are over giving to your children.  I think you have to make them earn things in order for them to value them.

Answer 21

Yes, I think you can give them too much.  What are they learning?  That you ask (or rather demand) and it is given.  What if they grow up and don't make a lot of money in their chosen line of work?  Will they know how to save for anything?  Or will they end up like so many other people, with a mountain of credit card debt because they just had to have this or that?  It's so easy to fall into the trap, but don't teach your kids that it's necessary to keep up with the Joneses...for one thing, they probably don't have 7 children.  Personally, I don't believe in a child owning a laptop....period.  I think with a failing economy and so much uncertainty for the future, we need our children to be prepared.  My children have extras, but they don't have everything.  They know I'm a bargain shopper and if I hear "Well, so and so has this or that"...I just say "good for them".  I'm expecting my 5th child, so there's a balancing act between supplying them with what they need and including some of what they want.  Good luck.