Can you please read this (very, very short) and give me feedback?

Question

http://www.mibba.com/story/kelseykatastrophe/Once-Upon-A-Time/chapter-1/

Con-crit would be very much appreciated, I need to know what I should work on. Be a little easy though, don't straight up tell me it sucks! I'm only 13.

Answer 1

i thought it was a real nice story i especially liked the ending, even though the boy died he got his wish.

the only thing i would tell you to improve is to put details of how the setting of the small town looked like.you also used ordinary too much for my liking.

Other than that i would encourage you to keep writing if that is your passion.

Answer 2

i liked it

Answer 3

Not bad. You've got a good grasp on telling a story that's compelling and to-the-point. However, there were a few strange-sounding sentences, like: "Only heard of through stories, stories of how if you make a wish upon one, it would come true." That sentence has no subject, and it should have a semicolon instead of a comma. Watch out for little things like that.

I expect good things will come from you in the future if you keep working on your writing. But, hint: Don't say your age anymore when you ask for critiques. It's as if you're expecting the reader to give you special treatment because of your age instead of telling you what they really thought of your story.

If you want to get in-depth critiques, try joining a writing forum: http://authorsnotes.info/forum/index.php

Answer 4

Sorry but I lost interest In the first paragraph. Sorry thats just not my kind of book.

p.s. good detail though. (In what I read)

Answer 5

It has a very good 'fable' feel.