Can you read this and say if you like it?

Question

I am 12 and am writing a story for fun, can you tell me if its good or not?

I am not even close to being done though.

Gone

When I woke up my adopted mom and twin brother were gone. I thought maybe they had gone to the store and didn’t want to wake me up. After about ten minutes of lying in bed I said to myself, “Maybe I should call them just to be sure.” I did in fact call them only to find out that their phones had been disconnected. I am not someone who usually gets worried, but how could I not be. I looked in all of the rooms in the house, finding nothing but emptiness. I had only seen this once before on a TV show. Unlike the TV show I didn’t exactly consider myself the annoying type, so I knew they didn’t try to run away from me. Maybe they went to get brand new phones; theirs were kind of old and beat up. I ran down both flights of stairs opened the front door and found my twin brother Jake sitting on the grass with our dog. I went up to him and tapped his shoulder lightly; at least I thought it was lightly. I heard him mutter something, but I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I told him to speak up, but he refused. When I sat down in front of him I saw a big cut from his wrist to his elbow. His face was red, just like his eyes. It was clear he had been crying. Did he know what had happened? It took me a while to find a polite way to ask him. Finally it came to me. “Um, Jake” I said softly, “What happened to your arm?” He didn’t answer, so I stood up and put my hand out gesturing I wanted to help him up, but he just glared blankly into space. I figured he must have been in pain, so I started walking to the front door to get some anti-bacterial spray and bandages. I then heard him cry. I ran as quickly as possible and sat down again. He finally started talking again, so I asked him what had happened. He then told me the whole story.

“I woke up and went downstairs to Mom”, he said with tears in his eyes, “and found her with Aunt Mindy and Uncle Derek. They were telling me to go back up stairs and to lock my door, but I didn’t want to. I was really confused, so I just hid behind the bar counter and watched. I saw all of them had their hands tied up and I got a little scared. All of a sudden, these strange men in masks grabbed all of their arms and dragged them to the door. I was stupid though and through a wine glass at the biggest one. Of course he felt it and started walking towards me. I thought I was strong enough, and tried to beat him up. That was another stupid mistake made by me. He pushed me and I pretended to be injured as I lay there on the floor trying to convince him I was unconscious. I thought it would never work, but I guess it did. He walked away, picked Uncle Derek up off the floor and the three of them continued dragging them to the door. I crept as softly as I could over to the door and went outside. The big guy still had the glass that I threw at him, noticed I was behind him and scratched my arm. This time, I really did go unconscious.”

I could tell he was still in pain, so I ran inside, got some spray and bandages, then ran outside and sat down.

This was not a small cut; it was around 8 inches long. He always got queasy at the sight of blood, so I told him not to look, but he did anyway. I sprayed wound, took an extra bandage that I brought, cleaned it up, the wrapped the bandage around his whole arm. “Continue the story please”, I said.

“Okay, so. Wait, where was I?” he asked.

“At the part where you fainted”

“Oh yeah. Okay, so I fainted and was unconscious for like 30 minutes. Then, you came outside.”

“That’s probably why you were so blank then.” I said thinking I was so smart.

“No, I was blank because I was thinking. I thought maybe I fell asleep and was dreaming, but then I saw my cut.” He corrected

“Oh” He could tell I was embarrassed.

I think the story must have been boring for our dog Lola. She was a Golden Retriever, who was very sweet. She was currently sleeping though. I started to pet her and realized she was bleeding on her side.

“What happened to Lola?” I asked with a concerned tone of voice.

“I totally forgot, she attacked one of the dudes and they kicked her. She didn’t yelp though. She was awesome, you should have seen her bite that guy’s arm and scratch their backs.” He sounded happy

“Is this some kind of joke to you? Mom and Aunt Mindy and Uncle Derek could be in serious danger right now, I need to help Lola and then we need to go to the police station to report this.”

I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure how to treat a hurt dog, so I treated Lola the same way I had treated Jake. We went to our rooms to change, grabbed our Mom’s hidden guns and weapons and decided to leave Lola at home. Jake and I are really good at inventing so we invented something that goes on a dogs collar, then you pre-record something, and whenever you press a button on the remote it sa

Answer 1

Honestly? Spell check is your friend, but it doesn't catch words that are spelled correctly and mean something else (through or threw?). You've got a fairly good plot line, but it needs a lot of refining. Pretend you're someone else and read what you've written, would it sound plausible to you or a little far-fetched. Call this a first draft and rewrite a second, third, forth, etc.  

Answer 2

i would start again and take your time

Answer 3

well it sounds pretty weird when he's bleeding so much and you just decide to pet your dog =p

doesnt sound realistic since you start talking about the dog's ect..  wouldve called the cops =D

but since this is for fun..do whatever you want

(first thing i thaught when the kid was bleeding on his arm was..he went emo omg)