Can you read this short paragraph over and see if its good?what can I do to make it better?

Question

Here it is! I was in one of my writing moods:

Have you ever picked the petals off of a rose? One by one? Until all that is left is the young tender bud that has never met the hard, sharp thorns surrounding it? Perfectly nestled in the soft silky petals, so pure and untainted that it would've never survived the harsh summer storms? Such was our love. Doomed before it was even born.

Answer 1

That's beautiful.

I wouldn't change a thing reading it once.  But reading it five times, I have one small piece of advice.

I would change the part "the soft silky petals" (it's only the second time 'Petals' is used, but it sounds redundant; I don't know why, perhaps reading it five time or something).

ANY ways, I would say "...nestled in it's soft silky environment." or " ...soft silky home.", or "womb", or "shell", something to make it look more vulnerable and exposed (with no petals left).

Just a thought, since you ask.

Answer 2

That's brilliant.

Answer 3

This is my version:

Have you ever plucked the petals off of a rose?

One by one?

Until all that is left is the young, tender bud,

that has never met the stern, sharp thorns surrounding it?

Perfectly nestled within the delicate petals,

so protected and untainted,

yet would have never survived the powerful summer storms.

Such was our love.

Doomed before it was ever born.

Yours was very good. I just put my own spin on how I personally would write it.

Answer 4

beautiful...

Answer 5

wow! thats pretty good.

i don't see anything wrong with it. great job.

Answer 6

so delicate and beautiful.....are u a writer by any chance??

Answer 7

This is cool! I thought of changing a bit of the punctuation, and maybe making it a verse of poetry instead of a paragraph. (This would be really great to do for drama - if you make this longer, send it to me! I want to perform it for next year's speech contest!)

This is my take on it.

Have you ever picked the petals off of a rose . . . one by one?

Until all that is left is the young, tender bud

    that has never met the hard, sharp thorns surrounding it?

Revealing it, once perfectly nestled in soft, silky petals,

    so pure and untainted that it never would have survived

    a harsh summer storm?

Such was our love . . .

    doomed before it was ever born.

(Ugh, I hate this formatting. If it doesn't show up, imagine every line beginning with a lowercase letter to be indented four spaces. It looks better that way.)