Can you read this story...?????? PLEASE!?

Question

OK,

Hey! I wrote a story, and I want to know what you guys think of it.

It is not nearly close to be finished!!!

Here is the link:

http://luvedwardcullen.livejournal.com/

^^Tell me what you guys think!!^^

By the way, that wasn't all of it.

Answer 1

uh. i like Twilight and everything, so the whole mind reading and animal diet was too much. i don't think i liked it that much. Sorry

Answer 2

Yes I can. Unlike other contributions to this forum, you actually write proper English. Good on you!  

Answer 3

Your a really good writer but there was just one thing that really bugged me. I know it's little but it really caught me. When the girl said hey mom....and then the mom said hey honey? or something. Well a mom wouldn't really say "hey". You should change it to hello or hi. Also, how would the mother just happen to know that she is a vampire, did she just know that? One more thing, I think you should change the whole vampire thing to something else like a different creature because the whole "vampire obsession" is a little whooooo. Plus, people who didn't like the twilight series aren't going to read another book about a vampire. I really liked your style of writng though.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!! =]

Answer 4

Err, well I write alot of stories myself and to be honest that wasn't the best start. The beginning was boring and bland. The trick is to interest your reader in the first paragraph. It could be explained better that this is a world where vampire's exist etc. but it's a good plot.