Can you really spoil your baby?

Question

I breastfeed and I care for my child all day everyday. I went to my fathers house and everytime anyone would hold her she would scream and as soon as i would get her back she would calm down. She is my first and i would say I hold her alot. She sleeps in her pack-n-play almost through the night but when she does wake for her night feeding i usually keep her in bed till morning with me. my step-mom gets mad and is always saying " look what you've done to her she doesn't like anyone but you" but really is that a bad thing?

Answer 1

I don't' think that you can spoil a baby. Your it's mother!! You spend more time with her than anybody else, of course she wants you. There is such a strong bond developed when you breastfeed you child. They know that only you will be there to feed her and nobody else can provide her with that. The only thing that I would object to his bringing here in the bed with you. I mean, everybody does it once in a while but if she gets used to it, it could be a hard habit to break. But I wouldn't worry about spoiling you child. No worries!

Answer 2

no its not a bad thing, its a good thing.

spoiling is what happens to food when you leave it out of the fridge too long, not when you take care of your child

Answer 3

There is NOTHING wrong with a baby being attached to mommy.Mommy (usually) is main caregiver & is always there so it makes prefect sense that baby is close to mommy and mainly wants her.I see no problem.Older people seem to think that this is bad or something.I would just tell them that you dont have a problem with it & if it bothers them so bad,you don't have to come around.

Answer 4

I feed on demand and babywear and cosleep. And people are CONSTANTLY telling me, every time we go out, what a sweet and calm toddler I have. She's secure and attached. She often doesn't want to be held by other people too. I figure, that's her choice. We wouldn't expect an adult to be happy with being picked up and carried around just because some other person wanted to do it.

Your problem is your step-mom's attitude. She wants the baby to seem like she loves her more. Maybe you can work at holding your baby while doing an activity with your step-mom? Or hand step-mom a toy or book baby really likes so they can have a lovey interaction? The problem is not your parenting.

Answer 5

You can't spoil a baby.  She may be going through a phase of anxiety about being away from you, but that doesn't mean she's spoiled.  In fact, the more you hold her when she needs you, the more comfortable and confident she will feel - and when she's a bit older she will be much more independent than if you didn't hold her whenever she needed you.

Edit - Ambizzle - I agree!  I even hate the use of the word "spoil" in regards to children because it implies that they are "ruined" in some way.

Answer 6

You can never, never, NEVER spoil a baby.  A child that little doesn't know that if they cry they get their way, they cry because they know mommy takes care of them and they need you.

I breastfed my daughter until she was 13 months old and I got comments from everyone that she was spoiled because of it.  I never used babysitters, always held her, did all my stuff when she was sleeping, we were permanently attached.  She's now 19 months old and one of the sweetest, happiest babies you'll ever see.  Not spoiled at all.  And even if she was, that just shows how much I love her.  :)

Don't listen to anyone but your own instincts.  If they're telling you that you need to care for your baby, then listen to them!

Answer 7

You cant spoil an infant.....

Answer 8

i have 4 kids aging from 8 months to 16 years old.  I did all that you are doing with yours, even though i was told i was spoiling my kids by holding them so much.  my 15 and 16 year old boys are so well mannered, have great self-esteem AND are very independent.  I attribute this to all the attention I gave them early on!

It's sounds to me like your following you mothering instincts - good for you!!!  she will thank you one day i'm sure :-)

Answer 9

Do you know how many times people have told me this? A lot of them are old school (and older generation) people. It drives me up the walls! I've even been told I'm raising a dysfunctional little brat, who'll grow up to hate me and become addicted to drugs... because I dare respond to my child's needs. How they got that by simply looking at my 11-month old is just so beyond me. But it hurts when people say these things... really, really badly and it makes me question myself as a mother.

You can NOT spoil a baby. I hate that word anyway, like your child's food that can go 'off' if not treated right. I don't know where anyone came up with the notion that you can spoil a child by giving them loads of love and attention. In what world does that even remotely make any sense?

Don't listen to your stepmom... she's wrong. Babies go through 'I just want my mommy thank you, you can go away now' phases. My son still gets them, but mostly when he's not feeling well (teething or whatever). On those days, Daddy can't even take him from me. Yet, he's a friendly child, always smiling and happy to meet new people.

On his good days (when there's nothing bothering him physically and he's not over-tired or had a bad day), he goes to sleep without fussing. I just put him in his pack 'n play and he will talk or sing himself to sleep. He's incredibly independent and even at his young age, will try to do everything himself. The other day I caught him halfway up the table, on his way to fetch the hamster. When I tried to help him, he 'yelled' at me... lol.

If my child was dysfunctional, he wouldn't be this way. And yes, I did cave once or twice and tried to leave my son to cry it out. It's never worked. It grinds at my heart hearing my baby cry for me. How can something that feels so incredibly bad be considered the 'right' thing to do?

I always listen to my instincts. If it feels wrong, then it IS wrong. It's really as simple as that. Do what feels right to you, ignore your stepmom and all other critics and cuddle your baby as much as you can. She'll grow up to be a remarkable young woman.

Answer 10

I had a friend with a child that was the same way.  Breast fed and she had her sleep with her all night and she was a stay at home mom.  Pretty soon the child didn't even want to go to her dad and if other people came around you couldn't even look at her without her crying for her mom.  I vowed I didn't want a child like that.  She is almost 3 now and is starting to grow out of it.  Every body is different though.  My friend didn't seem to mind how her daughter acted, but I couldn't stand it and would not want my baby to be like that.  

Answer 11

Your baby is getting to 'used' to you. She needs to learn to be around other people and you could be making this difficult by letting her sleep where she wants. Holding her is fine, but when it comes to sleeping, she should be in her bed. It can help as well if she spends a day with someone else each week, ie your mother. She will eventually learn that she can be away from you without getting upset. Although we want to spoil them as much as we can its best not too as they will begin to realize that they can have anything and do whatever they want.. which is not good! Good luck, its your child though and your decision xx

Answer 12

No, you cannot spoil a baby. Many babies go through "mommy phases" and it is especially strong for children who have stay at home moms. It's not a bad thing- it's a natural phase that children go through. If you are really worried about it, try to schedule play dates and other outings that will allow your daughter time to interact with other children and adults.  

Answer 13

you can't spoil a baby. she prefers you because she knows you and recognizes your smell and voice.

Answer 14

this is a tough one cause i'm pretty sure you can never spoil a baby... every baby is different. if she prefers to be with you, she prefers to be with you, it's not because you're doing something to make her "like you better"..........

Answer 15

Uh, yeah.